Title: Goosebumps Glow & Tell Story Cards, a.k.a. “‘BUMPS IN DA HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!”

Author: R.L. Stine

Cover Artist: N/A

Tagline: Get Goosebumps At Pizza Hut

Summary: Collect All Three Sets!

Keep your friends spellbound! Read them the terrifying tales on every creepy card – even make up your own endings! Project scary shapes on any dark wall! Then play the Goosebumps Bone Yard Board Game!

One available every other week with the purchase of a kids’ Pack! Includes personal pan pizza and 16oz soft drink. Get your Glow & Tell cards while supplies last between April 28 and June 22.

Initial Thoughts

SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY WING! I found this (near) complete set of Goosebumps memorabilia on eBay and thought it’d make an excellent gift recap for the site for Wing’s January birthday.

(Wing, there are mentions of spiders.)

I completely forgot about this but back in the 1990s, when Pizza Hut apparently still did those “Pizza Head Show” commercials (which I also forgot about) and gave away stuff like McDonald’s and Burger King, they partnered with Scholastic to do shit with Goosebumps. Actually they also partnered with Taco Bell, of all places, which are the giveaways I really remember. I think I did own the Goosebumps cup from Pizza Hut.

Wait does Burger King still do toys? Anyway, the Glow & Tell collection includes twelve bones with a short story printed on them and holes you can illuminate to cast scary shapes on the walls.

The stories are about Curly the Skeleton, the Abominable Snowman of Pasadena, and the Scarecrow from “The Scarecrow Walks At Midnight.” The stories are structured so you can come up with the endings.

I’m gonna structure this recap by quoting each of the twelve stories and providing my own ending plus space for Wing to provide her own endings too if they want.

The pieces are also designed to function as a make-shift board game, the “Goosebumps Bone Yard Board Game.”

[Wing: This is an adorable campaign. I’m delighted by it.]

Recap

The Abominable Snowman of Pasadena

“Rat-tat-tat”

The Abominable Snowman lumbers into his cave for a late night snack. He plunges his icy hand into his bag of trail mix and lets out a deep bellow. The bag is empty! Then a rat leaps out at him and flashes its sharp, pointy teeth. The Snowman gasps when the rat starts to…

JUDE’S ENDING: Hork up a big ball of granola and almonds on the rug. The Abominable Snowman looks down at the mess and says “Damn it, Carl! You know you’re allergic to almonds! That rug was a gift from my Meemaw!”

WING’S ENDING: Turn into a blazing ball of fire to burn down the world. The Abominable Snowman douses it, though, because he, like all snow, is a pain.

“Raven Lunatic”

Once upon a midnight creepy, when the Snowman couldn’t sleep, he thought he heard a bird complaining somewhere in the night. “‘Tis the Rappin’ Raven makin’ sounds and gettin’ down and makin’ sure no one in Pasadena gets to sleep tonight!”

JUDE’S ENDING: It’s after 12 in Pasadena, and the moon is full and bright. But no one can sleep in Pasadena on this lovely summer night. The Abominable Snowman is restless, his thoughts are in a thrice. Because somewhere in Pasadena an obnoxious raven thinks he’s Vanilla Ice.

WING’S ENDING: Once upon a midnight “crazy”, Wing called Stine on being lazy. If you want to ape “The Raven”, dear god good sir please hit the pacing. And about that mental illness, ravens pecking make a real mess — of your face. Look, if Stine isn’t playing fair, neither am I.

“Tree-mendous Terror”

When the Abominable Snowman of Pasadena [Wing: Wait, why is he “of Pasadena” if he comes down from Alaska?] comes down from Alaska, he gets “board” unless he’s surfin’. But when he tried to chop down a tree to make a surfboard, the tree fought back with life and limb. Now, whenever someone walks past this particular tree…

JUDE’S ENDING: They see a weeping widow and her four saplings, wailing in agony over the loss of Birch T. Reehouse who was sadistically murdered and had his body vandalized so a yeti could surf. Plum, Maple, Apple, and Lemon are gonna grow up without a daddy. And look at Willow, huh? What is she supposed to do now? You think she has the time and energy to get back into the dating game? SHE’S OVER 500 YEARS OLD SHE SHOULDN’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT DATING AT THIS POINT IN HER LIFE. OH A-AND YOU PEOPLE THINK THIS IS FUNNY? HA HA THE ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN’S A GNARLY SURFER WELL GUESS WHAT HE KILLED A MAN! HE KILLED A MAN AND NOW THIS FAMILY IS DESTITUTE! YOU PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK.

WING’S ENDING: Dude, that Abominable Snowman is D E A D dead. That tree kicked his arse.

“Web of Dune”

While working on his tan, the Abominable Snowman saw that the snow melting from his shoulders held a big surprised… a fat, hairy spider! This big bad bug burrowed into the sand to get the spider; but instead, he got pulled down under the sand, where he saw…

JUDE’S ENDING: Birch’s family ready to kick his ass and use HIM for a surfboard after what he did in the last story.

But that still doesn’t change the fact Birch is dead, you soulless monsters.

Curly the Skeleton

“Eye’ve Got A Secret”

Curly isn’t afraid of anything – except the creepy eyes of Dr. Glow. If you look into their shining light, you will discover Dr. Glow’s horrible, hideous secret. He is really a…

JUDE’S ENDING: Medical school dropout, because his parents couldn’t afford to pay for his education after his dad got in that horrible accident and they needed the money for physical therapy. He couldn’t figure out how to set up his student loans because all the paperwork gave him anxiety and he was too scared to ask for help. The real horror of the story is the state of healthcare in this country!

“The Hand Stands Alone”

As Curly strolls through the cemetery the “plot” thickens. A hideous hand claws its way out of a creepy crypt. Curly gasps in terror when he sees it isn’t attached to an arm! It’s attached to a…

JUDE’S ENDING: Stick being controlled by Point Horror author Christopher Pike, only it’s not a hand, it’s a foot and it was a foot the whole time but the story’s told in a dream, and Curly isn’t really Curly but the reincarnation of an alien vampire bat sex God who is also a 17 year old girl with red hair and green eyes that is actually R.L. Stine the whole time.

And THAT is how Pike was originally going to end “The Last Vampire” series.

[Wing: Since Stine is involved, you forgot a few — oh my god what is that?!]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Wing: Oh, it’s just a needlessly dramatic cliffhanger chapter ending.]

“Up at Bat”

Curly’s friend Tim is batty for bats. That’s why they like to snuggle with him whenever he visits Curly. One time the bats seemed a little too friendly! Tim felt a little peck on the neck and suddenly noticed he was very thirsty and…

JUDE’S ENDING: Curly offered Tim some delightful punch and apologized profusely for his bats’ behavior. He proceeded to have a long talk with his bats about how they need to ask for consent before they bite someone. No means no!

WING’S ENDING: The outlook wasn’t brilliant for the Curly nine that day: the Curly nine are, of course, Curly’s friends, who are all now bats with but one inning to play.

“The Worms’ Turn”

Once Curly was visiting a ghoulfriend who was in grave danger – as millions of hungry night crawlers wriggled up from underground and crawled all over them. That was bad, but what happened next was much worse. The worms began to…

JUDE’S ENDING: Tell Curly and his friend they had won a free cruise to the Bahamas and just needed to verify their credit card account number and social security number.

[Wing: No ending, because I’ve got “the worms crawl in, the worms crawl out” stuck in my head now.]

The Scarecrow

“The Evil Weavers”

One midnight, the Scarecrow couldn’t walk. He was tied to a stake by millions of sticky spider webs. “That’s the last straw,” he crowed. But then he began to feel a tingle on his cheek. He gasped when he saw what was crawling across his face. It was a…

JUDE’S ENDING: A piece of cheese from his PIZZA HUT PERSONAL PAN PIZZA he had been eating earlier that got stuck to his cheek and just oh God it was stuck there and he could feel it but couldn’t brush it off and it felt so fucking greasy and gross you know like when you wanna scratch your nose and you can’t and it gets worse?

But then the scariest thing of all is when he asked “Wait why would I eat pizza I’m a scarecrow I don’t need to eat.”

THEN WHO WAS CHEESE?

“Get the Point!”

There’s something afoot in the corn field tonight… the field is moving, but there’s no wind! The Scarecrow realizes that the ground is covered with scary scorpions! He decides to burn them out, but just as he raises a match to light his torch, he remembers what he’s made of straw and…

JUDE’S ENDING: Accidentally drops the match. Oh and it turns out they’re non-burning scorpions so not only did he torch the field but now there’s a swarm of flaming scorpions rampaging across the countryside great job.

WING’S ENDING: Alas, He Who Walks Behind the Rows cares not for fear or flame.

“Owl Be Seeing You”

As the Scarecrow kept watch over his own field of screams, he couldn’t help feeling that someone – or something – was watching him! It was an owl… whoo else? “I’m supposed to be the scary one,” said the Scarecrow. “Well, I have a scare for you,” the owl said. “Do you know whooo I really am?”…”

JUDE’S ENDING: The Scarecrow said “No, get out.”

[Wing: NOPE.]

“Unmasked!”

The Scarecrow isn’t the only “fright” watchman working the midnight shift. There’s another creepy creature wearing a hideous haunted mask! The Scarecrow crept up to the creature to reveal something even more hideous. It was a…

JUDE’S ENDING: Copy of “Trick or Treat” by Richie Cusick, one of the worst Point Horror books of all time! NO ONE LIKES YOU, MARTHA!

[Wing: I can’t top this Cusick hate, and I’m not even going to try.]

Final Thoughts

Anyway, I was really glad I was able to do this since I figured after “Haunted Library” there may not be any more special edition Goosebumps merchandise to provide for recaps. I’ll be on the lookout for more in the future, but I hope if anyone participated in this you guys had fun.

Also here are the instructions for the Bone Yard game see if you can make sense of them because I sure as shit can’t.