Title: Goosebumps – A Really Exciting Night, a.k.a. “My Dinner With Edward”
Author: R.L. Stine
Illustrator: Luca Poli
Summary: This tale will give you food for thought!
Apologies again for the lack of content lately. Those of you who know me will know that May 15th last year, my mother passed away after a lengthy battle against bile duct cancer. Spring’s proven to be a rather challenging time for me now, and between trying to focus on my own writing and my investigations leading to dead ends I’ve been drained.
This was a Goosebumps short story included in that special Halloween magazine released only in the U.K.. However, cross referencing showed that this particularly story was also one of the six printed in the foreign language Pesadillas magazines. One I’d gotten a translation of. I wasn’t sure whether to title this recap as Goosebumps or Pesadillas at first.
Edward’s three “friends” Tony, Carlo, and Johnny were bored. They wanted to have some fun, they wanted [INSERT TITLE HERE]. They proposed doing all sorts of “fun” things to Edward, like chasing him and tying him to a tree for the rest of the night if they catch him. OR they could rip his clothes off and make him swim in the river until he turns blue from the cold. [Wing: A++ friends here.]
They had valid reasons for doing this. Because it’s fun. Because they’re bored. Because they hate Edward. They hated him because he’s the shy, skinny, small, and weak new kid in town. The usual.
The three guys began counting to ten when Edward proposed an alternative. He pointed up at the creepy old mansion on the nearby hilltop, the town’s local Horror Museum. Edward’s dad works there as the janitor. He offered to sneak the guys in, promising it’s very creepy at night.
“Your dad is the janitor in that old museum? I’ll bet he really cleans up!”
[Wing: I can’t believe I laughed at that shit. Damn it.]
The guys think this is a boring idea. They laugh at how cheesy and unrealistic the museum exhibits are when Edward explains there’s a werewolf, a REAL werewolf, living there. It comes to life during the full moon, which just so happens to be tonight.
[Wing: WEREWOLF? W E R E W O L F?!]
Carlo suggested they could go to the Horror Museum to lock Edward in the mummy case. Edward ignored the comment as he led the group up the hill.
The old house rose up in front of us like a creature waiting for its prey.
[Wing: Love a house that looms like a monster.]
Edward led the boys around the back, past the main iron gates. A soft howl could be heard and shutters banged against the windows despite there being no wind. Edward brought the three to a hidden back door. Through long, twisting hallways the boys eventually reached the horror displays.
Frankenstein’s monster in a lab.
Bats suspended from the ceiling.
Two-headed monsters in glass cases.
An empty cage-what? The werewolf is now a wherewolf! [Wing: I can’t believe I laughed at this. Damn it.]
The boys aren’t impressed, but quickly clam up when they hear the growling coming from the other end of the room!
His face – his arms and hands – were covered in thick wolf fur. His red eyes rolled crazily in his head. Long, pointed fangs curled from his gaping snout.
As the werewolf howled, Edward was pushed forward by Carlo as an intended sacrifice to save their skins.
Edward looked up at the snarling, howling werewolf… and was happy to see his dad. Yeah guys, Edward said his dad was the museum’s janitor. He ALSO happens to be the museum’s werewolf!
[Wing: YES GOOD I AM WELL PLEASED.]
Oh, and Edward’s got a job at the museum too, guys.
In case you haven’t figured it out yet, Edward does food deliveries, and boy is his dad hungry!
[Wing: YES GOOD WELL PLEASED!]
Well, at least I was able to get something done this month.
[Wing: I loved the fucking hell out of this story. Werewolves! Family! Horror museums in creepy old houses! Children feeding terrible kids to their werewolf parent! I am utterly delighted. WEREWOLVES <3]