Title: Never Cry Werewolf (2008)

Summary: Everyone thinks he’s the perfect guy. But 16-year-old Loren knows the truth about her handsome, new neighbor, Jared — that he’s really a werewolf. When Loren can’t get anybody to believe her, she turns to television action star Redd Tucker, determined to expose the truth before more victims fall prey to the blood-thirsty monster.

Tagline:

AN IMMORTAL BATTLE FOR SURVIVAL (On the front of the DVD case.) 

THE NEW NEIGHBOR WANTS TO HAVE YOU FOR DINNER (On the back of the DVD case.)

Initial Thoughts

Happy Super Full Harvest Moon! Awooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

A long distance ago, in a time far, far away, there came a call for recappers to come together to bring joy to a difficult world. And from the ashes (of grad school) rose a woman to join the rebellion to challenge the darkness of a world (far less dark than the current world, oh my god, everything is awful).

Or, in other words, back during grad school, I briefly recapped The Vampire Diaries tv show and a couple of the books for the Innsmouth Free Press. [bat: Fun fact: I have never watched a single episode of The Vampire Diaries.]

Y’all. Y’ALL. Seriously, nearly 20 years later, and I only just realized that my lovingly snarky recapping started there and not here. Damn it, Wing. How did you miss that all this time?

Now, I’ve watched this movie many, many, many times, and I’ve written about it twice before, once for Innsmouth Free Press. However, it has been years since I watched it and even longer since I wrote about it, so I’m sort of coming to this fresh. [bat: And I have never seen it, thus once again, Wing is introducing me to a ‘new to me’ werewolf film.] [Wing: This is one of my favorite things to do.]

(I should track down the old writing and see if my opinions have changed.)

I love this fucking movie. Let’s goooooooooooooooooooooo.

Recap

Grodfilm is such a terrible name for a studio. Like, totally grody, dude. [bat: I, at first, thought it was tied to Charles Gordin, but no. Just a really bad choice for a company name.]

Almost full moon is always a good way to open a werewolf movie. Especially when there is fog that appears to be leading us to various houses.

Up first, a kid who has a space-themed room and a fuzzy little white doggo. Does this fucking doggo die? Because it better not.

Boy is as impressed with the sentient fog as I am. [bat: I read that as ‘sentient frog‘ and though, wait a minute.] [Wing: Honestly, I’d believe it in this movie.] Boy also has a good-sized telescope that is pointing nowhere near the sky. Kid, spying will always get you into trouble. Don’t you watch the movies?

Meanwhile, we pan over to a young woman asleep in a bed. She has a chonky computer that makes me all nostalgic for my old desktop machines (fitting, I suppose, what with the whole nostalgia around these parts) and is all sporty and annoyed when her brother wakes her up to see the fog.

Which is getting bigger and more sentient (…sentienter) every time we see it. Sentient fog leads us, and the siblings creepily watching from her bedroom window, to a house that has been for sale but has finally sold that very day. [bat: Um, the fog is SO SENTIENT it managed to slap a SOLD sticker on that real estate sign. Interesting.] [Wing: Don’t question the sentient fog, bat. Don’t do it.]

The fog sentients its way over to the rundown house of a registered sex offender. The police notice posted on his front porch has a convenient close up of his memorable tattoo. 

Wonder if we’re supposed to pay attention to that. Nah, couldn’t be. [bat: Pointless foreshadowing for fun and profit!]

Dogs bark and howl, almost-full moon moons, and the fog creeps inside, where the sex offender is very movie standard: Sitting around in his underwear in a disgusting house, wearing dirty clothes, being creepy. As one does.

His head’s tilted back as he sleeps (and the sentient fog makes a lot more noise as it fails to sneak into his house), and there is that memorable tattoo again, barbed wire around his throat. Completely unimportant, I’m sure. [bat: Oh, the barbed wire tattoos of the 1990s, they never really went away, did they.] [Wing: Speaking of necks and the 1990s, I keep seeing those black stretchy chokers again, the ones that were sort of vaguely meant to resemble tattoos. It’s the circle of (fashion) life!]

He just wants people to leave him alone but is drawn to his front door where he, too, sees the sentient fog and assumes it’s hiding people who are tormenting him because he’s a sex offender. He paid his debt to society, he swears.

Behind him is the real threat, though, a werewolf with a noose!

Every time I watch this movie, I am impressed all over again that they dug up this lore. While cursed clothing, wolf pelts, even skin belts are sometimes (though kind of rarely) mentioned in modern media, the specificity in this one is wonderful. [bat: Actual research was done for this? Colour me impressed!]

Despite fangs and claws, werewolf strangles him to death then rips off the skin around his throat and leaves him in a pool of blood.

There sure is a lot of slashing and snarling and dramatic claw movements via shadow for such a thin strip of skin to be removed. Calling it now: Drama. King.

Opening credits over wolf heads and clocks, motorcycles and women with crossbows, so basically telling us the entire story of the movie. How helpful. [bat: I’m thinking they made that montage just especially for Wing.] [Wing: I’m pretty sure this entire movie was made especially for Wing.]

The music and the font and color choice are certainly something. [bat: GrApHiC dEsIgN iS mY pAsSiOn.]

I gently mock the opening credits, but I do love the shot of the moon peeking out of the clouds high above a cityscape. Very dramatic and very coot.

(Despite the — is that lens flare? Oh god, the lens flare days.)

[bat: My only thing to add is the director of this also directed Blown Away (1993), another made for TV movie staring the two Coreys. And Nicole Eggert. Explains a lot.]

Morning! Long shots of the city and music that makes me think they’re echoing Lost Boys here, especially with the motorcycle at the house next door and all the hanging decorations.

Apparently the new neighbor bought the house out of the blue, paid in cash, and is hot, per gossip from the realtor. Always good. [bat: And has a ‘BIKE WITH TWO WHEELS’, wtaf, who wrote this dialogue.] [Wing: I am cackling.]

Loren longs to be adopted because her little brother is so annoying, but alas, she is not. Loren, darling, he would still be your brother if you were adopted. Tough to be you.

She hauls off a sports bag, pauses in front of the neighbor’s house, and starts to hear a voice whispering a name. For some damn reason, my DVD doesn’t have captions (WTF), so I’ll probably mishear things, but I think I remember it’s the name Melissa. [bat: Sounds like it to me.]

When she turns away, Loren is immediately startled by a dog in the back of a pickup truck also parked right outside the new neighbor’s house. How many damn vehicles do you need, dude? I hypocritically say as someone with both a motorcycle and another vehicle herself.

Doggo is snarly and adorable. Hellhound! [bat: Thorn’s Canadian cousin!] More Lost Boys vibes! I swear it’s not just me. It’s not my fault that werewolf movies spent some time trying to capture the cult classic delight of the Lost Boys. (See, also, Cursed.)

Yet another jump scare, this time from the brother — Kyle — who is super impressed by the motorcycle and thinks new neighbor must be in a gang. 

I could go off about that preconceived notion of bikers, but werewolf biker gang is far too delightful for me to grumble. (At least theoretically. In practice, well, you remember… Werewolves on Wheels.)

Loren’s friend pulls up rocking a sedan with real estate stickers on the sides. She thinks she’s hot, hot stuff because she has the car because her mom the realtor got a new car. [bat: I do believe the words ‘road goddess’ were used.] [Wing: Dying.] Oh god, you adorable youngins being all excited about your freedom. Love that for you. (Sincerely. Embrace that sort of exuberant joy over things.)

Hellhound(o) has disappeared from the back of the truck. Convenient.

Friend’s mom is the realtor with all the gossip about the hot new neighbor, and once again we are told he’s a hot new neighbor.

This time, we get to see him, though!

Not hot. [bat: Hard pass.] You built him up too much, movie. Very creepy, though, staring at Loren. Perhaps as if she reminds him of some long-lost love (Melissa sighs the sentient fog)? No, couldn’t be.

Loren and friend refuse to give Kyle a ride to school, and leave him behind with allegedly hot new neighbor, who introduces himself as Jared. Not getting great vibes off this teen obsession you have going on, allegedly hot neighbor, but go for it. 

Kyle, abandoned by his sister, is going to be late for school. Of course he is.

Jared offers him a ride. Of course he does. [bat: On his bike, which features a gas tank painted with a puma / mountain lion’s eyes. Did… did no one research? Or is it just to distract from the obvious?] [Wing: Misdirection. *insert dramatic sounds of magic*]

Over at the school, Loren and friend talk about cute boys and food. Loren’s vegetarianism is getting in the way of her flirtations, at least per friend. Loren’s pretty strict about it, not even eating cheese, which is practically liquid meat.

I mean, I would argue milk is more liquid meat than cheese, but okay, this is adorable, I’ll let you have it.

Friend teases her that things like “liquid meat” are why she has a hard time meeting boys. Less a hard time meeting them and more a hard time getting them to stick around would be my bet.

Everyone is gathering around Kyle who, of course, got a ride to school on Jared’s bike, and of course everyone is swooning over it and Jared, including Kyle. [bat: I’m not swooning.] Loren is not impressed but does shake his hand when he greets her and no one else.

More staring, more whispering, more creepiness. 

Loren introduces her friend, Angie, the daughter of the woman who sold him his house.

He remains focused on Loren, because they will be really good neighbors, he’s absolutely certain of it.

Yeah, you’re not creepy at all, grown ass man obsessing over a teenage girl before you ever even meet her. 

This is going well. [bat: Well, on par, actually this is better than Byte (2024), TBH.] [Wing: I mean, very true. Very, very true.]

Angie is certain that Jared is checking out Loren (scoping her, a phrase I haven’t heard in ages, what is time) and seem pretty thrilled about it. Right up until Loren says he has hairy palms.

I am here for this werewolf lore, and also the creepy subtext of him masturbating too much over the memory of Melissa and/or his inappropriately young new neighbor.

Angie flat out asks if she means hairy palms like a werewolf, and I immediately fall in love with her. Completely unexpected, I know. Never saw it coming. [bat: Wow, Angie’s not dumb!]

Kyle has a much taller friend who has also clocked Jared’s interest in Loren. Oh good, they’re both going to get territorial over her, aren’t they. Love that for us all. (Hate it, hate it, hate it.)

Sure enough, tall friend is also obsessed with the mega-hot Loren. [bat: HOW OLD IS… HE’S PROBABLY 25 IN REALITY.] Kyle tries to put him off by talking about how she’s sweaty all the time from running and she wears her underwear around the house and she shaves herself everywhere. Totally gross.

None of that is going to help here, Kyle.

And why the fuck do you know she shaves everywhere?

Also, Kyle barely comes up to his shoulder. I know Kyle is younger than Loren, but is he also meant to be younger than the rest of the high schoolers? He does give off the sort of nerdy vibes that could mean he skipped a grade or two.

Either way, he’s much smaller than the others, has nerdy interests, and even his friend is more interested in his sister than him. No wonder he’s already enthralled with the neighbor and his cool ass bike.

Oh, apparently Kyle’s 13. Angie is at least 16, so I’ll assume Loren’s around there, too. This makes me think that Kyle did skip a grade, though it’s possible, based on when their birthdays are, or based on the way the schools are split, that they could be in high school together with a three year difference, but not when Loren is 16. [Wing: Note from the future: I didn’t read the back of the DVD case until after I wrote this. It actually answered my question. That’ll learn me. (No it won’t. I’ll still write the recaps first.)]

Kyle has gossip about the local sex offender. He was found on the floor! The rope broke! Some animal broke in and ate his throat! Very exciting stuff for Kyle.

Little bit morbid there, Kyle, not too far off creepy yourself. 

Bell rings, everyone heads inside, Jared revs his engine (literally) to get Loren’s attention and grins the weirdest grin at her when she stops to look at him. Creepy, yes, but also, I don’t have words to describe the weirdness. It’s a little bit like his face is putty and has been twisted into the approximation of a smile. [bat: It’s not the actor’s fault he has a weird face, but it’s also the actor’s fault he has a weird face and doesn’t know how to use it.]

Kyle and Jared bond over building things together. Loren sometimes watches them from her very sporty room while wistful country-ish music plays in the background. Sometimes he’ll look up at her and give her a private little smile to catch her watching.

Movie, I don’t like where this is going.

(Luckily, I know where this is going.) [bat: I don’t! But I can guess!]

(Sort of, the reason I can rewatch and reread things is that often I get caught up in it and forget what I know from before.)

Hellhound(o) and fluffy white doggo don’t get along. Hellhound(o) starts to dig under the fence to get at fluffy white doggo. Again, I am going to revolt if fluffy white doggo gets eaten (or otherwise dies).

Honestly, I’ll be rioting if Hellhound(o) dies, too.

Their mom sends Loren next door to get Kyle for dinner. No worries about your teenage son hanging out with an older man who is a complete stranger? Have you even met him yet? Because earlier, you had not. I’m going to assume you have and aren’t just allowing Kyle to run about with older guys on their hot motorcycles.

The camera really wants us to pay attention to Loren finding a broken step as she climbs to the porch. I bet, much like the distinctive tattoo, we’ll never need to know this again.

The door opens before Loren can knock on it even though no one is behind it, and yet Loren doesn’t seem to find this odd at all and walks right in, calling for them both. There are dropcloths strewn about here and there, but otherwise it doesn’t look like a ton of work is going on inside.

A grandfather clock starts chiming as Loren makes her way further into the house, dramatically backlit.

Jump scare snarling Hellhound(o) who snaps and barks but doesn’t attack. Also doesn’t calm down until Jared comes down the stairs and introduces her as Loren, who is welcome there.

(More Lost Boys echoes, first Max introducing Lucy to Thorn [with the implication of as a friend] and then Thorn attacking Lucy when she tries to visit Max during the day. Love it.)

Hellhound(o) is the cutest thing ever.

Jared slams the door real dramatic like and tells Loren that he and the Hellhound(o) understand each other. [bat: Werewolves need hellhound(o)s? Make it make sense.] Which is kind of a normal thing to say, except for the way he says it, and the way he acts around her. He makes something inherently not creepy creepy, is what I’m getting at.

They stand too close together, Jared looming over her, while they talk about the work he’s done on the house and how he’s good with his hands, works a lot at night, doesn’t need much sleep, all while he puts as much innuendo into it as he possibly can.

Jared, hot neighbor, back away from the underage girl.

More whispering of Melissa’s name, and finally Jared tells her that in the light, she reminds him of someone he knows. [bat: If he busts out a line similar to “I’ve crossed oceans of time” I am leading the revolt.]

Kyle, who never met an awkward situation he couldn’t make worse, comes leaping down the stairs then, still utterly thrilled to be hanging out with Jared, and asks if he can come to dinner.

Awkward.

Loren freezes up rather than just say no, which is fair, be polite to adults, I get it, girls especially are taught that, but Jared, for once, doesn’t make things worse and instead waves off Kyle’s offer because he’s going out to eat that night.

Another sex offender to kill, Kyle? You keep panting after Loren like that, and you’ll be on your own list.

After Angie and Kyle are gone, Jared and Hellhound(o) exchange a long look, and Jared actually talks about how hot Loren is. ADD YOURSELF TO THAT LIST RIGHT THE FUCK NOW, JARED.

Jared next moons (heh) over an old pocket watch that holds the picture of a young girl. 

Melissa.

She is also too young for you, Jared, unless you were not this full ass adult back when you were obsessed with her. I have my eye on you, mister.

Half full moon for his dinner out.

He leaves Hellhound(o) behind to keep an eye on Loren, who steals her brother’s telescope to do some spying of her own.

Well get to it, Nancy Drew.

She spies on Jared in the shower, and we did not need to see that.

LOREN.

He shaves his palms [bat: If you’re peeping on someone and see this happen, you have bigger problems.] and then looks straight at her as if he can see her despite the distance and the darkness(ish) of her room. 

When he turns out the lights, his eyes flash silver. [bat: Okay, that gets points, that was neat.]

Kyle, who was fast asleep just a few minutes ago, is now as wide awake as possible and giving Loren grief for (a) stealing his telescope and (b) spying on Jared.

Loren kicks him back out of her room and closes her curtains after watching Jared ride away on his motorcycle.

She falls asleep watching a sports channel that is playing women’s soccer when she wakes up just before three a.m. Conveniently, it turns to a commercial for Redd Tucker, wilderness hunter and all around man’s man, who will be at their local gun shop to meet his fans. [bat: Hercules! I mean, Kevin Sorbo, has entered the chat film!]

Jared returns home with a cute woman on the back of his bike. She’s at least slightly more age appropriate, though also appears drunk.

Loren spies on them making out for awhile, looking disturbed, until Jared turns off the lights.

Then, just as Loren stops trying to see, a scream! And Jared moving away from the window. [bat: Yep, this is Fright Night but with werewolves.]

Below Loren’s bedroom window, lo, a Hellhound(o) waits in the detritus of cut tree branches.

Jared is standing on the roof of his shed cutting down more branches the next day (all the better to stalk you, Melissa Loren), while Loren lies in her bed and listens, brooding over something.

Angie’s mother, the realtor, comes by in a short skirt and high heels and animal print to flirt with him. While she’s unsuccessfully flirting, Margo, Loren and Kyle’s mom, comes home. She’s shy and awkward, dressed in scrubs and a sweater against Angie’s mother’s blatant sexuality.

Hmmm, if one of you is going to die and the other to live, I wonder which will be which.

Margo wears a pin with her name tag that says, “let me see your smile.” Jared reads it from across the yard, impressing both women with his good eyesight — and again when he’s suddenly right in front of them rather than on top of his shed across the backyard.

Margo is, of course, a dentist, which leads to Jared telling her strong teeth run in his family. [bat: I am greatly distracted by whatever is under his t-shirt, which is visible because it’s a necklace or something?]

Kind of an odd thing to say unless you’re a werewolf.

(Okay, okay, okay, I know that one is a bit of a reach. People do talk about having good teeth and whatever.)

Angie’s mother doesn’t read the room — or doesn’t care, more likely — teases him that his teeth aren’t the only strong thing about him, and lights up a cigarette.

Jared flinches away from the flame. 

Nice little detail that I’m sure will never become important later.

He blames it on having gas on his jeans, but that’s a supernatural fear of flame if I’ve ever seen one, dude.

Also, kind of rude to just light up that close to a stranger, in his own yard, without making sure he’s okay with it.

Loren is, of course, watching all of this, because she’s pretty goddamn creepy herself.

Look, sleuthing is creepy no matter how you slice it. Love me a teen girl sleuth, though.

Again conveniently, Loren hears a report about the police still being baffled by the murder of the sex offender, which shows a nice, clear picture of him and the barbed wire tattoo around his throat.

And! Police also fear foul play when it comes to the disappearance of a prostitute.

A woman Loren recognizes! Why, she was with Jared just the other night when she disappeared.

(I’m not even going to question why both police and news coverage care enough about a sex offender’s death and a prostitute’s disappearance to have this much focus on them. Not very likely in the real world, and it is a sad, shameful statement that the police would ignore it, so excellent, there’s at least slightly less terrible policing in this world, I’m in.)

Loren has a beautiful flashback of all sorts of scenes of Jared being weird, his eyes flashing, the cigarette lighter making him jump away, Hellhound(o) staring at her, the woman, the motorcycle, and it bleeds into the moon, still only half full.

Loren, if you come up with werewolf this fast, I am going to — well, adore you forever, obviously.

SURE AS FUCKING SHIT, LOREN STARTS RESEARCHING WEREWOLVES THAT VERY NIGHT.

I goddamn adore you.

(This delights me more every time I watch the movie.)

She even prints out her research to show Angie, because she is a goddamn sporty nerd, and she is my favorite. I love you, Loren.

Angie is not real impressed by this theory. Can’t blame her for that.

Werewolf signs:

Hairy palms.
A demon familiar usually in the form of a black dog.
The ability to see in the dark (and, I assume, shining eyes).

Loren says this all as if it is perfectly reasonable, and I love her for it.

And even worse than all the signs he has, she saw the missing woman with him.

Angie points out that it wasn’t even the full moon. Logical! Meeting her best friend where she is! Love this for them both. [bat: I give them kudos for being capable and smart enough to research on their own.]

Loren has the answer to that, too! There are two ways to become a werewolf: get bitten by one or a transformation using a charm made from the skinned neck of a hanged criminal. [bat: … what? That second one is a great big old WHAT from me.]

Gee, if only you had one of those lurking around.

Werewolves never age, super strong, hard to kill, see in the dark, hypnotic powers over the opposite sex — people have told stories about werewolves for thousands of years, there has to be some truth to it.

(Loren says the woman was totally in a trance when she saw her with Jared. I can see that. I clocked it as drunk, but they could look very much alike.)

Loren, of course, is worried about what to do about it. Angie, though, calls in an anonymous tip which leads to the police showing up at Jared’s house. (As if it is really anonymous, especially called in from her cell phone. Oh honey.)

The girls are thrilled that it worked — right up until the cop shines the light around the front yard a minute and then drives away.

I take back the slightly positive things I said about the cops here.

Jared is creepily watching the girls creepily watch the cop not so creepily or effectively watch his yard. He pushes open the window (which opens out, a window style that I love, except for how Monster Dog always wanted to sneak out through it to go attack whatever was a threat to our home — Dove actually caught her at it one time when we were on a call, and Monster Dog held it against her all the rest of her life. Monster Dog’s life, not Dove’s. Dove is still alive), which finally draws their attention and the girls duck away.

Fucking subtle, girls.

Here’s a tip. If you’re caught doing something, immediately scrambling to cover it only makes you look guiltier. Act like you’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing, like you have the right to be where you are. It helps.

Loren dramatically eats a slice of pizza because now they’re in trouble.

I love you, Loren.

They sprawl out on her bed watching women’s soccer, though Angie is completely bored. The ringing of her cell startles them both, and it’s some guy (I think maybe actually named Guy) who makes her all giggly and flirty.

Loren takes the chance to check the telescope again, because … she’s obsessed? Mostly, I’m not sure why she keeps using the telescope, because pretty much every shot makes it look like their houses are close enough together she can see inside it without one, but shades of Rear Window, and I’m here for it.

Despite promising to stay with Loren, Angie takes off to meet Guy, who she broke up with last week but is back together with this week, wearing his class ring on a chain as a necklace.

Class rings! It’s been a long time since I thought about them. This was a thing in my high school, guys would give them to the girls they were dating. Silly and cute, along the lines of girls wearing their boyfriend’s sports jersey or letter jacket.

(Would be even cuter if it was the guy wearing the girl’s, to be honest.)

(I still have my class ring, and actually, I have my mother’s, too. Without knowing it, I picked out a ring that was quite a bit like hers in shape of the stone and setting. Her ring has always been far too small for me, of course, but I’m pretty sure mine still fits. I don’t wear it, it lives in my jewelry armoire, but they are both beautiful.) [bat: Aww. That’s very cool, Wing. I don’t have one. I chose the school key / crest or whatever it’s called, it’s a charm. It was cheaper than the ring and at that point, rings never fit my fingers.]

Jared is cooking and looking down at his ticking pocket watch, and the photo within it, while he dramatically stares through the window at her.

Loren says it feels like it’s inside her head. She means the whispered Melissa, of course, but Angie points out that it’s very possible that this whole werewolf thing is inside her head, too.

In that twenty second exchange, Jared goes from chopping veggies in the kitchen to climbing onto his bike, but not even Loren seems to notice how ridiculously fast that was. Instead, she argues with Angie that it’s not in her head, and now he’s going hunting.

Maybe point out the fantastic speed between kitchen and front yard, Loren!

Since he’s gone, Angie takes off even though Loren begs her to stay because she’s scared and worried he will come home with another victim.

Angie ruins all the goodwill I had toward her earlier when she dismisses Loren’s fears, tells her to call 911 if he comes home with a victim and to act hysterical if she does.

After all, she’s good at it.

Damn it, Angie, I was rooting for you. We were all rooting for you! We want strong friendships between girls! Why are you doing this to me?

Loren sneaks over to Jared’s house and breaks in through the basement window, despite Hellhound(o) snarling at her through the fence and sentient fog lingering behind her.

I’m sure there is no possible way for Hellhound(o) to get back inside the house. No one ever has such a thing as a doggy door. [bat: Hellhound(o) hole?] [Wing: Oh. My. God. I can’t believe I missed that. Dying.]

Come on, Loren, you’re smarter than this!

She’s also apparently filled with luck (for some meaning of the word luck), because the first thing she finds is a coffin freezer with a padlock. Convenient.

Hellhound(o) continues to snarl outside, so I guess werewolves don’t believe in doggy doors, and Loren goes upstairs to search, finding an eyeball in the chili Jared was making.

Just then, he comes home with another woman, Loren is startled by the clock, and the woman and Jared both notice the snarling Hellhound(o).

Loren takes a precious minute to spraypaint something on the wall above the kitchen door, but still manages to escape the basement after Jared sends Hellhound(o) after her.

The woman sees it, screams and maces him, and escapes.

Jared shouts/howls [bat: wtf was that lol] when he sees the warning Loren left: HE WILL KILL YOU.

I love you, Loren, you goddamn hero. Scared as shit, no one believes you, and still you are more worried about saving someone else than yourself. You are a goddamn badass, and I adore you.

Jared wraps the skin charm around his hand so he can shift, and it, of course, has the barbed wire tattoo on it, as if there was ever any doubt. [bat: Ew? EW.] [Wing: I sincerely love the use of a skin charm to control the transformation. Rarely see that in werewolf media anymore.]

Three quarters full moon tonight!

(This moon cycle seems to be passing very quickly.)

Snarling, howling werewolf outside, terrified Loren curled up in her bed.

Then she hears that whisper not just saying Melissa’s name this time but calling her to him. She finds Jared and Hellhound(o) standing in the cut branches, waiting for her, then sees a vision of her with him while he calls her Melissa.

Then he’s naked in her bedroom, fanged in human shape, fanged in werewolf shape —

— and she wakes up to another Redd Tucker Live commercial.

Really did not need to see that makeout scene, but okay. [bat: That was just… oddly edited.]

The werewolf continues to hunt and stumbles upon Angie and Guy making out in her car. (Well, I say “stumbles upon” but it’s possible he’s flat out hunting Angie. We know he saw her with Loren while the police drove past, and what with those whole werewolf senses, he’s probably heard what Loren told Angie and that Angie made the call.)

Angie hears something and is worried that it’s the cops, because her mom will kill her if she gets a ticket.

(Except Guy’s in the driver’s seat, so…okay.)

Guy goes to check, finds nothing, and comes back to promise her they’re all alone — right up until he’s killed by a werewolf.

Angie’s next, literally gutted, and as shitty as she was to Loren when they said good-bye, I didn’t want this for her! (Though it was clearly going to happen.) [bat: Oops? Though drama with the ‘ewww-ooohhh.’]

They mostly keep the werewolf offscreen, which is understandable, but it makes for a fairly passive double murder. I think they could have done more with it, tension and terror, especially since they did have some gushing blood. I’m not asking for more gore, but the scene could have been more horrific, from the hunt to the kill itself.

Instead of being grateful that Loren’s making breakfast the next morning, Kyle grumbles that the eggs are gone. She’s eating them, despite being a vegetarian, because it’s like her body is craving meat.

Kyle wants to go to Jared’s house, but Loren, of course, orders him to stay away. They fight over it, and though it’s not shot very clearly (or maybe not acted very clearly), apparently she grips him tight enough she hurts him. She’s aghast that she did.

I know what they’re doing here — craving protein, accidentally being too rough, snapping at people she loves — but much like Angie’s death, the scene lacks — something. Tension, maybe.

Doesn’t matter, because before it can go further, the cops show up. 

Useful.

Angie is missing! The last place she was known to be was with Loren, so they’ve come looking.

Loren! Your mother isn’t home! You’re underage! Stop talking to the cops!

Here’s another tip. Don’t talk to the cops. If you do, tell them as little as possible. There is nothing wrong about lawyering up. It is not something only guilty people do. Cops can and will lie to you. Most of them are not there to help you but whoever is pulling the strings.

Anyway, they find a bunch of werewolf movies that Loren rented, including The Werewolf’s Bris.

THE. WEREWOLF’S. BRIS.

Well okay, Jewish werewolf, hope you enjoy that circumcision. [bat …I am literally baffled by this.] [Wing: RIGHT? A set designer (or maybe set dresser) CHOSE THIS TITLE. Why? Who the fuck knows.]

What the ever loving fuck have you been watching, LOREN?!

(Now, The Werewolf’s Castration sure would come in useful for creepy predator Jared.)

They talk about whether Loren is into horror movies, but she excuses it as a school project. [bat: Sure. Sure. Sure.]

Angie left around 10 last night to go pick up Guy, her boyfriend. Guy and Angie are both missing. Angie’s car was found abandoned that morning, with traces of blood.

Loren immediately jumps to them both being dead. [bat: AS ONE DOES IN A HORROR MOVIE.] [Wing: She’s very self aware!]

The cops ask if Angie knew Loren called in an anonymous tip against Jared. Because nothing is truly anonymous, people. 

Loren stumbles over telling them he’s a werewolf and instead tells them she saw him with the missing prostitute and complains that all the police did was drive by and not even look into the house.

Of course, the telescope is right there, and so they immediately know she’s been watching him.

She tells them that he has a freezer but she’s not sure what’s in it. They agree to go look at it AND FUCKING TAKE LOREN WITH THEM.

Jesus fucking christ, what is wrong with the cops in this town? Incompetent doesn’t even begin to describe it.

Loren immediately goes to check on the message she left, but it is gone, as is the pot of chili with the human eyeball.

I’m going to give you a pass on this one, because you are so shaken up about everything. Of course he fucking cleaned up. He knows someone was in the house! Who warned his date! And was in his kitchen and his basement, where he keeps body parts! 

Pretty sure he knew it was you specifically, Loren, but even if he didn’t, he knew someone was!

Jared tells the cops about the break-in and vandalism he had the night before, probably just some kids.

Kyle is down in the basement, of course, and they all troop downstairs. Unsurprisingly, the coffin freezer is unlocked and empty.

Loren finally calls him a werewolf. Shows them his hairy palms, but they’re shaved clean. He teases her about the full moon, but she lays out everything about the skin of the hanged criminal. He looks momentarily startled, but keeps up his bemused front for the cops and Kyle.

Jared offers to let them look around, but they say it won’t be necessary. He also tells them to go easy on her, because, you know, kids.

Kyle is furious at her because the cops tell him to go home, and Loren is left alone in the basement, abandoned and mocked by everyone.

Almost full moon that night! Loren does more werewolf research, because she is amazing and won’t be stopped, no matter her angry brother and dismissive cops and also the werewolf neighbor she has now pissed off.

Margo calls to check on the kids. She’s been with Angie’s mom, who is really struggling, and plans to stay there for the night if everything is okay at home. Loren says it is, but Kyle gets on the phone to tell her all about Loren and her werewolf thing.

More Lost Boys moments! Fucking loved it when Sam interrupts Lucy’s date by shouting about Michael and vampires, and love it here where Loren does a much better job of shutting down her little brother than Michael ever did.

Loren convinces her they’re fine and she’ll take care of Kyle for the night.

Kyle’s weird friend shows up even weirder than usual wearing a chicken hat. Delivering food for the local chicken place, but fucking still. So weird.

(Weird friend’s name is Steve. Since he’ll be around a bit more now, I should remember that.) [bat: STEVE is like 25 years old and attending high school.]

Steve and Loren have the best fucking exchange of the entire movie:

Steve, awkward because crush and also chicken hat: Hey, I heard your friend’s missing.
Loren, without missing a beat: She’s dead. Keep the change.

I. Fucking. Adore. Her.

Jared is not nearly so quippy while he devours his eyeball (and class ring! Because if you didn’t think he actually killed Angie, despite having seen much of it, you do now) chili, wiping grease from his mouth, glaring into nothing.

Shots juxtaposed with Loren devouring fried chicken, wiping grease from her mouth, glaring into nothing. [bat: So, like, he’s got some weird mental lock on her? Is it the fog? Gotta be the sentient fog.]

Jared has a box of jewelry he’s taken from his victims.

Back over with Loren, Steve interrupts her not-so-vegetarian meal to tell her that Kyle brought him up to speed on the werewolf thing. Loren expects him to mock her, but he tells her that his sister is a witch, bigfoot’s out there, weird thing happens in his family, so if she needs help, he’s there.

Loren, skeptical (and a goddamn wonder): And not just because you have the serious hots for me?

Steve stammers his way through his response while Loren dramatically chews fried chicken at him. Because she’s ridiculous, and I love her.

To give him credit, he does admit that yes, part of this is because he likes her, but he’s also very open minded.

Loren rolls with that. It’s not that she thinks Jared is a werewolf, she knows he is.

AND. Sure e-fucking-nough, we get proof that yes, Jared does listen in to her conversations, because he’s sitting in his house (no longer slurping greasy chili, thank fuck, that was disgusting — not the eye part, the way he kept smearing grease everywhere) [bat: Ew.] listening to this conversation.

Loren knows he’s a werewolf.
And he knows Loren knows he’s a werewolf.
And I know he knows Loren knows he’s a werewolf.
And you know I know he knows Loren knows he’s a werewolf.

[bat: I know you know Wing knows Loren knows Jared knows he’s a werewolf.]

I’ll stop, I’ll stop, don’t leave.

Loren does let Steve help her, at least in that he gives her a ride to meet Redd Tucker. You know, our great white hunter. [bat: A decent casting choice, it makes sense. This is the Roddy McDowell role in Fright Night.] [Wing: Agreed, it works as both a casting choice and a role to play in the story.]

Steve calls it a really fun date, a shopping date for a lot of ways to kill things. Loren is adamant that it is not a date.

Loren starts looking at genuine silver bullets, Steve is skeptical that they will work and unhappy that Loren is talking about werewolves in public despite, as she reminds him, claiming that he believes her.

And, of course, who shows up but Jared wearing dark sunglasses and being led around by Hellhound(o). Faking a disability is low even for you, creepy old werewolf guy. [bat: I did a double take when I realized he was using the hellhound(o) as a guide dog, dude, wtaf.] [Wing: Clever, but just wrong.]

Loren is not prepared for how expensive guns are, or that she needs a license. So instead she goes for a crossbow and wants silver arrows, because she is my delightful favorite.

Steve mocks the blind guy shopping for guns, thus drawing Loren’s attention to Jared and Hellhound(o). Steve still wants to give him the benefit of the doubt (so much for believing her, Steve, I bet you’re the kind of guy who talks about the friend zone), Loren doesn’t want to get eaten, and Jared sends Hellhound(o) to eat Steve, his competition.

Except Hellhound(o) bites some other guy instead. Maybe not so well trained after all.

Also: Competition. Gross. Not here for this alpha male bullshit, whether it is from a werewolf or not. [bat: Jared is such an insecure male werewolf he thinks Steve is competition. Ugh. This is stupid.]

Loren sends Steve to get help because Loren is the one he wants. [bat: I’m sorry. A werewolf would smell her scent and go right to her, not this… action bullshit. Nor would he cause such a goddamn scene in a public place.] Jared starts beating people up as he goes after Loren, Hellhound(o) finally gets to Steve, and Redd Tucker saves the mother-fucking day by shooting Hellhound(o).

And looks very startled for a second, which does not bode well for the rest of the hunting in this movie. [bat: Because it was a total fucking ACCIDENT. Oh my lord, he’s incompetent. That explains everything. This IS a Fright Night rip-off lol]

Also: HELLHOUND(O) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Everyone cheers for Redd, a little girl looks disturbingly into him, and Steve is utterly besotted by him, or at least by being saved.

And then: HELLHOUND(O) YES YES YES YES YES YES

By which I mean, Redd goes to put a bullet in Hellhound(o)’s head, Hellhound(o) sheds his skin (like, pretty much turns inside out) and turns into OMG WTF HELLHOUND(O) (he’s so fucking cool with his spiky spine and his mouth full of giant fangs and his bloody skin), and while most people run away, a few stay and try to shoot OMG WTF HELLHOUND(O) to no avail. Kyle tries to hide, but uh oh, Jared gets ahold of him and drags him off.

[bat: I…. what did I just watch… I… wow. That was fucking impressive for early 00 CGI! Like wow. That sequence alone makes this movie unique!]

While all of these men are flailing about (or kidnapping a teenage boy), Loren fucking badasses her way through the store, gathering gun and silver bullets.

Jared: First rule of nature, boy. You don’t sniff around another man’s female.

Oh my fucking god you are so gross why don’t you just piss all over and mark your territory. God, I hate this alpha male werewolf bullshit. [bat: It’s not cute or romantic. And Jared is an ‘adult’ and Loren is a teenager, and I hate the reincarnation bullshit, that only works if they’re a GROWN ADULT who can make choices for themselves. And even then I have problems with that!] 

 I can’t wait for Loren to destroy you. (This is a spoiler, but also not, because I felt this same thing the first time I watched it. I was certain that she’d kill him, and I was certain that he deserved it for this bullshit alone, much less all the other terrible things.)

Redd fumbles with his gun and cowers before OMG WTF HELLHOUND(O), until Loren shoots a handful of silver bullet keychains at him, because she is fucking amazing, and also I am dying laughing. A fucking handful of silver fucking bullet keychains, oh my god. [bat: I have questions. They were key rings. She had time to pry off the metal chain and ring to load the bullets? Yeah, no. No she didn’t. And the gun just fired out the CGI bullet key rings in slow motion. Ugh. FAIL.] [Wing: IT WAS AMAZING.]

OMG WTF HELLHOUND(O) melts away, but not before spraying Redd with slime. [bat: RIP OMG WTF HELLHOUND(O), you were a decent boy… only in the sense that we love and are always #teamdoggo here.]

Steve asks Jared not to kill him, but that’s not Jared’s plan anymore. Now he needs a new pet. [bat: Steve will make a shit hellhound, seriously, Jared you’re an idiot.] [Wing: Hard agree.] He wraps the barbed wire skin piece around his wrist and we hop over to Loren begging Redd for help and Redd refusing.

Werewolf snarling, Steve is thrown through a wall and is wounded, and Jared the Werewolf comes for Redd. Loren shoots him with the crossbow and fire burns between them, sending him fleeing.

Loren brings crossbow and bolts and bitten Steve out of the store, and leaves a very weirded out Redd behind.

They flee before they can get stopped by the cops or emergency services. [bat: I would hope so, she just shop lifted, slaughtered OMG WTF HELLHOUND(O), and has a wounded 25 year old teenager in tow.] [Wing: Also she’s now That Weird Girl Who Calls People Werewolves.]

Switch over to Jared, showering off the blood, and we get to see the bullet wound heal. [bat: Ruh roh.]

Margo calls again to check on Loren and to let her know that Kyle is staying at a friend’s house because he’s afraid of being alone with Loren. Which doesn’t seem to phase their mother all that much, and I have questions.

In the background, Steve pours peroxide on his werewolf bite. It does not go well, but unclear whether that is because it’s a werewolf bite or because peroxide on a wound just fucking stings.

(Pretty sure current advice is not to put peroxide in wounds, but I grew up with using it being just baseline care. I still love the way it bubbles and fizzes and burns in open wounds.) [bat: We survived a lot of things under the header of ‘care’.]

Of course, Jared is listening to this entire conversation, including Margo on the phone, and so he knows Loren will be alone that night — or at least alone but for Steve, who he wants to turn into his new pet — giving him plenty of time to deal with everything.

Redd shows up on television talking about how he remained calm and saved the day, etc. Saved the day from a cougar indigenous to the area, because oh my god, of course he does this. Great White Hunter indeed.

Steve starts dramatically sniffing Loren’s hair, but she doesn’t even notice in her anger about Redd and his lies.

Loren notices hair growing on Steve’s palms, and realizes what’s happening. He was bitten, and people who are bitten either die or turn into a werewolf.

Steve again calls it a date (the worst first date ever this time), and Loren again asks him to stop calling it a date.

And then Steve. Fucking Steve. I hope you’re eaten, Steve.

Steve, stalking toward her: Yeah. I get bit, I get chased, I almost get killed, could you cut me just a little bit of slack.

DIE. FUCK OFF.

And Loren actually apologizes for bringing him into this. Which is fair, but also this is not the time for her to apologizes, no matter what is happening, he doesn’t get to use that as a reason to force you to call this a date, to date him, to like him, whatever.

Told you he was a friend-zone-nice-guy sort of dude.

(At least while bitten by a werewolf. I will give him that, I’m sure he’s dealing with a lot of chemical changes, but I felt that friend zone vibe before then, so I won’t cut him much slack.)

Loren says she doesn’t have time for a relationship with everything going on. Steve warns her that she’d probably better tell Jared that because the only reason he came after Steve was because he thinks Steve and Loren are hooking up.

This helps Loren realize why she’s hearing the name Melissa in her head in his voice. [bat: Finally.]

Since Steve doesn’t have a magic charm, he should be okay until the full moon.

Which is, you know, that very night. [bat: TIMING!]

Sincerely, this cheesy scene is a delight, as are the dramatic scenes that follow, lots of full moon reflections in windows, Jared staring at Melissa’s picture, clocks ticking, and Loren frantically trying to prepare for what’s going to happen.

She talks to Steve about her research, how to kill werewolves. Steve is groaning and itching and vomiting, which is not something I really need added to the werewolf transformation.

He grabs Loren with a clawed and furred hand, Loren points the crossbow at him, to his anger, and then he shifts more and more, getting hungrier and hungrier. He slams the door shut between them and begs her to run away before he hurts her, which is a fabulous bit of control from him.

Next door, Jared listens to Steve screaming, welcomes him to the club, and then werewolf speeds his way out of his house, across the yard, and up to Loren’s front door just as she opens it.

Holy shit, completely forgot about this and still totally called it. Jared brought over a bottle of beer, holds it down like it’s his cock, and sprays beer all over, talking about his territory. Absolutely disgusting and creepy as hell, and, honestly, really well done. [bat: Wow. Okay, points for the movie writers!]

Loren tries to take a baseball bat to his head, but Jared catches it before she can, and then uses it as a phallic symbol as he backs her up against the wall while holding the bat like a giant cock. 

Well, this movie didn’t claim to be subtle.

He creeps on Loren, talks about how Melissa was his wife, and she died long ago, when she was around Loren’s age, young, and beautiful, and ripe. [bat: In what century?]

God, you’re so fucking disgusting. Really nailing the creepy monstrous predator.

This has been meant to be for a hundred years, there’s no escaping karma. [bat: Oh, so the 19th century? Sure. Why not.]

Loren is having none of it, despite being trapped between him and the wall. Calls him just another guy, big, tough, and pushing his way around because he can, but that doesn’t mean shit. 

She whispers into his ear that she knows how to hurt him.

He’s excited about that, right up until she kicks him in the balls and then the face, with all her soccer strength, and escapes the house.

She runs back to the gun store where everyone is still lingering despite the fact that it was only a cougar and it has been … hours, maybe? Time has very little meaning in this movie, from the cycle of the moon itself to what time of day it is at any given moment. [bat: MOVIE TIME MEANS NOTHING!]

Loren tries, again, to get Redd to help her. Calls him on his lies, demands to know why he won’t just tell the truth. 

Redd won’t, because he has a reputation to uphold, you see. Despite the fact that he’s been getting less and less airtime and now he’s already trying to turn this “heroism” into a new deal, more airtime, a new show, whatever whatever whatever.

Basically, like so many blustery white men, he’s a fraud. [bat: Welcome to reality, Loren.] [Wing: She’s so smart about this when she finally figures it out (for him, she clearly knows there are men like this)! Far too many men are like this, even some of the ones you think you can trust.] [Wing: Also: Don’t believe what you see on television, Loren, goddamn.]

Loren, because she is this smart badass, knows exactly how to hurt him, too, which is to threaten to tell everyone that she was the one who saved his ass, not the other way around.

She again asks for his help and says the people Jared kills going forward will be his fault because he lied.

He snarls and snaps (metaphorically) about how his life has gone to hell but this has saved his career. Loren promises to keep her mouth shut if he helps her hunt down the werewolf. Swears to him that it will be easier than the hunts he’s had before.

Because she is a fan, has watched all his episodes, remembers the animals he’s hunted — and, as we know but she is only just learning, it is, of course, all a lie.

This poor, sweet girl. I adore you.

Loren calls all of it fake, like him, and he agrees.

She promises, again, to keep her mouth shut, then leaves to try to stop Jared from killing anymore people.

You should be ashamed of yourself, Redd.

And he is, he’s having a crisis of the soul, though we only get a tiny glimpse of it before we jump over to another scene. I do love how most of the focus is on Loren finding ways to be a hero, to save the day. She’s amazing, and this is important.

Well, will you look at that. Kyle is not safely tucked away at a friend’s house. Kyle has ridden his bike home, where an angry Jared lurks and a partial werewolf vomits in the bathroom. [bat: Ew.]

And where his sister is badassing her way through preparing to kill a werewolf.

Crossbow, bolts, all the silver she can find in the house, wire and tape, and some rolling rock.

Oh, look, fluffy white doggo is still alive and barking. At least at this point.

Barking at a werewolf!

Sort of.

Steve’s transformation is, uh, not going well at all. Part human face, part werewolf, pieces of his body one or the other. It’s disgusting and fun at the same time. I appreciate the process of his change. [bat: Kudos for showing it, as disturbing and disgusting as it is.]

He’s still aware enough — and has a throat human enough — to talk, beg her not to shoot him, not to make him leave. He’s still Steve, he swears.

She leaves him lingering on the fence and goes back inside just in time for Jared to call. Somehow, she knows he has her brother. How? Who the fuck knows, it’s not like he was supposed to be at a friend’s house all night.

Maybe she saw his bike. [bat: Maybe it’s a case of SCRIPT SAYS SO.]

Jared locks him in the freezer in the basement, where he will suffocate before he freezes to death, unless, that is, Loren comes for him.

She finishes weapon prep — the pacing around here is weird, they didn’t need to have the break in the middle — and suddenly is dressed in leather, completely badass in that 2000s way, with a perfect quiver for her crossbow bolts and even more attitude than she’s had before.

God, I love her.

And she has her hair pulled back. Loosely, but still. She’s not going into a fight with her hair all loose and in the way and a good spot for the enemy to grab her. Proud of you, girl.

Surprise, surprise, surprise, Redd found his conscience, and/or bravery, and/or honesty and turned up for the fight. Battle. Hunt. Whatever this is.

He’s armed for — well, I’m not sure that gun is actually really ready for werewolves, but sure, why not — armed for werewolf and advises that they approach the lair with caution.

You don’t say.

Loren points out he’s not a real hunter, which is true, but he’s played one on television, he says. [bat: And Hercules, though that’s the actor and not Redd. Either way.] Also, she’s put this on his conscious, and he can’t live with those deaths, either.

They argue in loud whispers on the front fucking porch of the werewolf’s house, because sure, just announce you’re there, why not.

The porch creaks as they walk across it. Loren is surprised because he claimed to have fixed the porch.

He did, Redd realizes. The noise is intentional.

And, I’ll admit, clever, even though I’m also not convinced a werewolf would need it. We know he was listening to conversations in the house next door, surely he could hear someone on his porch no matter what.

Ah well, still, it is clever. Drives home that despite what Loren said earlier, he isn’t just like a giant animal. There’s human thought behind what he does as well as werewolf what-the-fuckery.

They walk straight in through the front door, and Steve comes lurking around behind them.

Down in the basement, Loren breaks into the freezer, but of course Kyle isn’t actually in it.

This is, how you say, a trap, Loren, honey.

Redd also calls it a trap.

[bat: I am also calling it a trap that was obvious from the jump.]

Then he also hears that creepy whisper of Melissa and learns that Jared thinks Loren is his wife reborn.

Redd loses his shit, because everyone knows you don’t come between a wolf and his mate, he’ll kill anything instantly to protect his female, oh my god, shut up shut up shut up.

If one of you refers to Loren as someone’s female again, I’m going to set you all on fire and find her a nice girlfriend who won’t be so awful.

Once again, they argue in way too loud whispers, despite the fact that Redd flat out says that Jared can hear every word they say.

Less whisper fighting, more werewolf shooting, please.

The next time we get a whispered Melissa, Redd can’t hear it. Apparently it’s in her head this time, as it was presented all the other times, so why the fuck did Redd hear it once? Just so he can give his spiel about how protective Jared will be, how ferocious, because he thinks Loren is his mate? Pretty sure we already knew that based on, you know, context, but sure, spell it out, why not.

They find Kyle bound and gagged in a room, which is, of course, another trap. Redd stops Loren from rushing in, but she cares far more about her brother’s safety than anything else, including her own, and pushes her way past him.

She tears the tape off Kyle’s mouth, he calls her stupid, and Jared slams the door shut, because of course it was a trap.

And the thing is, KYLE, that she knew it, too, and didn’t care if it meant she had a chance to rescue you. So less with the calling her stupid and more with appreciating how she’s willing to give her fucking life for yours. [bat: Teenage boys for you.]

She shoots a bolt at Jared, but it hits the door instead. Immediately whips out another to stay armed while he paces and monologues a little.

I know he’s turning at will with the cursed charm made of the dead criminal’s throat, but doesn’t he also have to shift during the full moon? [bat: I’m not sure how werewolves work in this universe. There’s a lot of bendy rules and shit. Mostly to support the plot.]

Redd tries to get into the room, Kyle continues to berate his sister, I want to smack him.

Jared asks if she really thinks she’s going to kick the big bad wolf’s ass.

Jared, why are you speaking in movie taglines so often this last quarter of the movie?

Loren shoots him again and this time he grabs the bolt out of the air and disarms her.

She and Kyle continue to bicker throughout this, because siblings, man. They’re a trip.

Jared backhands Loren to the floor. Is this how Melissa died? Did she anger you until you lost control? You’re a monster, and not just because you’re a werewolf.

Jared throws Kyle into a closet until they can eat him together.

Outside the room, Redd whispers apologies and flees. Fucking coward.

Loren begs Jared to let her brother go, promises to do whatever he wants if he does.

Not like she has a choice, he says, while she cringes away from him.

Downstairs, Redd runs straight into the partially shifted Steve. In his attempt at fleeing, he end up in one of the trees between the two houses, his only weapon a stick.

A stick he throws.

To play fetch.

With the half-shifted werewolf pet. [bat: Awww.]

Oh my god, I love this movie.

Steve is not real thrilled with this after the first time he chases the stick. Redd pulls a handgun out of somewhere — you went for the stick first, Redd? WTF — but cannot manage to hit Steve.

Even Steve, as fucked up as he is right now, recognizes how much Redd sucks at this. Tells him so, which must be a fucking trip for Redd, considering.

Kyle works his way free of his bindings, Loren begs Jared not to do it, he’s counting down the minutes until it is time, and promises her that it will hurt, there will be blood, basically just being his creepy, creepy self.

Loren seems completely hypnotized by him as he disarms her and orders her to take off her jacket.

Under it, she is only wearing a sports bra, because — fucking why? She was wearing a shirt earlier! Why the fuck would she take it off and run around in a sports bra under her leather jacket? [bat: PLOT SAYS SO.]

Up until now, Jared’s creepiness has clearly come across without the filmmakers resorting to turning the male gaze on Loren (though Steve had a moment or two of it), but this is just stupid and ruins all of that goodwill from the lack of it.

She slowly strips off her jacket while he leers at her, then seems to come out of her trance and again begs him not to do this. To just kill her rather than turn her into a monster.

He swears she won’t be a monster, she’ll just be better, stronger faster, she’ll never age — but she must feed, Jared? Is that it?

Oh shit, yeah, he promises her the thrill of the hunt, the frenzy and eroticism of the kill.

It’s not a curse, he says, then kisses his finger and presses it to her lips. [bat: Ugh. Stop.] He’s starting his shift now, a claw instead of a fingernail, fur spreading.

He kneels in front of her, peels off his shirt so she can see the way his spine changes, and his face, the teeth growing, a regular nose becoming a muzzle, etc.

Loren squirms away from him in her chair, gasping and whimpering, as if she’s never fought him a damn moment in her life.

Werewolf face against her face, she screams for Redd to save her.

Damn it, do not turn her into a damsel in distress. They can fight together, protect each other, rescue each other, but right in this moment, she’s a half naked girl squirming around in a chair, all her strength melted away from her. This is a choice you made, filmmakers, and it sucks.

I don’t care that she’s afraid. I don’t care that she calls for help. I don’t care that she’s terrified and trying to get away.

I care that it is filmed like she has done nothing, can do nothing, to protect herself, is too weak to do anything but scream and squirm until the big strong man comes to save her.

You’ve subverted that trope so goddamn well up until this point, don’t fuck it up now.

Redd, Steve, and Kyle all try to get to her to save her while Jared scratches a small wound along Loren’s shoulder. [bat: A scratch. Okay, whatever the werewolf rules are in this, they aren’t playing by actual werewolf rules.]

Kyle frees himself first, only to immediately be thrown into a wall and temporarily knocked unconscious.

She tries to get the crossbow, but Jared gets to her first.

Steve’s up next, bursting into the room and demanding Jared get away from her.

He, too, is knocked around into a wall and then thrown out the window.

Outside in his tree, Redd creates a torch and throws it through the window to Loren, who tries to drive back Jared long enough for them to escape. She’s far too smug about it, too, taunting him that she knows he’s afraid of the big bad wolf fire.

Until he huffs, and he puffs, and he blows out the torch.

I fucking love this moment. It’s perfect, Loren the terrified but still overly confident teenager, Loren getting to fight for herself again and for the others, teamwork, the ridiculous cheese of the big bad wolf blowing out the torch, oh my god, I don’t need subtlety, I need this glorious chaos. [bat: That… was funny!]

Redd shoots Jared, though, of course, he has no silver bullets and the next thing they know, Jared is in the wind. Kyle compliments his shooting, Redd is confident he killed the werewolf, neither of them pay much attention to Loren’s warnings, but she’s listening to Jared move — convenience? werewolf senses kicking in real damn fast? Don’t even care — and, sure enough, he’s alive and attacking Redd in the tree.

Looking like a black bear, to be honest. I’m dying.

Loren drags Kyle out of the house and sends him to run and hide. When he refuses, she snarls at him, eyes going wolf, until he runs off.

Though Jared was set to kill Redd, Loren comes around the corner of the house and finds Redd sitting on the ground, utterly confused.

Jared whispers to Loren some more, tells her that only she can hear him, her soul is his.

Once again I ask, if she’s always been hearing this in her head, which it has seemed like almost the entire time, why the ever loving fuck could Redd hear it that one time, just enough to learn about Melissa?

All I ask for is consistency.

Well, okay, and werewolves.

But since I have werewolves, can I get some consistency, too? [bat: CAN’T HAVE BOTH IN THESE FILMS, WING. THE BUDGET WON’T ALLOW.]

Anyway, Jared takes Redd hostage. Because werewolves do that now, I guess. [bat: Sigh.]

He warns her that if she shoots Jared, she’ll kill Redd at the same time. Instead, she should surrender, she will never be able to beat him.

She struggles, but then lifts her head, tells him she can.

Thanks to him.

And she shoots him with one of the bolts, because now her senses are good and the bolt moves faster or something?

They continue to struggle, she shoots him again, and Steve drives Redd’s fucking van into Jared, slamming him against the tree.

Flash to the clock showing it is just before midnight.

Jared shifts back to human, Loren and Kyle embrace, Redd pokes Jared with a stick to make sure he’s dead, but of course he’s not and he yet again takes Redd hostage, using him as a shield and threatening to suck out his soul.

You … do remember you’re a werewolf, right? Leave the soul sucking to the goddamn blood-sucking brother vampires. [bat: AGAIN WHERE IS THE WEREWOLF HANDBOOK OF GUIDE RULES. I HAVE QUESTIONS.]

Uh oh, Loren is out of crossbow bolts.

Jared claws Redd and throws him away, because why not, it’s not like he needs to keep Loren from shooting him with anything. (I am rolling my eyes so hard at this stupidity.)

He calls her Melissa yet again, she tells him Melissa’s dead and he’ll go join her. He snarls, looking far more vampire than werewolf, I have to say, and Loren shoots a metal bar straight through his mouth and into his head.

Bright light, clock ringing midnight, Jared explodes into slime splattering all of them, and no one is any sort of werewolf anymore, including Steve. [bat: I…. wut. She killed the head werewolf? Huh.] [Wing: Oh, yeah, that was a thing earlier, around when they realized Steve was going to turn into a werewolf. And another Lost Boys similarity.]

Steve doesn’t remember what happened, but she assures him everything will be fine.

And, of course, they kiss, because sure, why not. This was completely unnecessary.

Redd dramatically gazes up at the full moon [bat: Wondering how he can spin this into reviving his dying career, natch], and we are done.

Final Thoughts

Tacked on romance and weird male gaze section aside, I love this movie. I haven’t watched it in awhile, but every time I do, I enjoy it all over again, and some parts of it I love even more than ever. Mostly Loren. 

Some interesting werewolf lore, Jared is intentionally this long-lived man creeping on a teenage girl — again — teamwork, sibling snark, at least some good friendship (Loren and Angie, most of the time, but also Margo and Angie’s mom in the background of it all), and everyone getting to fight the werewolf in their own way, usually unsuccessfully, until finally, all together, Loren gets that final blow.

Twice.

This feels very, very 1990s/2000s urban fantasy as much as it does horror (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Vampire Diaries, all the urban fantasy books with women in black leather on the covers), in a nostalgic and delightful way.

[bat: It’s a fun take on werewolves – aside from the ‘that’s not werewolves, that’s vampires’ someone didn’t do their homework bits – and for a 2008 film, it’s pretty decent CGI. I can’t remember an inside-out hellhound before. So kudos for that.

It is very clear the filmmakers were heavily into / ripping off Fright Night (1985) because that’s where a lot of this plot comes from. They just gender flipped the main character and made the bad guy a werewolf instead of a vampire. It works. Not always as well as it should, but it does work. Cursed (2009) didn’t drop until the next year so we got a taste of siblings fighting weres but Cursed (2009) does that so much better. I can’t help but wonder if the people behind Cursed (2009) saw this and got ideas. [Wing: Oooh, I wonder that too, now. And fuck, I love Cursed, as cheesy and ridiculous as it is, which you may remember from when we recapped that one way back in — 2018?! Fucking hell, what is time.]

I like that Loren wasn’t afraid and took up the job of fighting, even if they kind of screwed around with it in a pathetic way for a bit. She still managed to kill her stalker and free the rest of the men around her. So yay. Good. And Wing is right, it has that urban fantasy early 2000s – which if you grew up during it, has a particular flavor/feel you notice right away – where fiction/horror blended over with real-life situations. I do enjoy reality-based stuff so it works for me.

Anyway, I’m glad Wing chose this. I wouldn’t have gone looking for it on my own. It was enjoyable, especially compared to some of the prior stuff we’ve recapped for Snark!]