Posted in Fear Street Recaps

Recap #201: Fear Street #17: The Best Friend by R.L. Stine

A gift from Becka's BBFF
Maybe she can get store credit?

Title: Fear Street #17 – The Best Friend, a.k.a “Baby’s First Fear Street”

Author: R.L. Stine

Cover Artist: Bill Schmidt

Tagline: Sometimes friendship can be murder….

Summary: Best friends… to the end!

Who is Honey Perkins? She’s been telling everyone in Shadyside that she’s Becka Norwood’s best friend. But Becka’s sure she’s never met Honey before.

Honey systematically moves in on Becka’s life, copying her in every way. But when Becka presumes to have more than one “best friend,” the horrible accidents begin.

Does Honey just want a friend? Becka wonders. Or does she want more – much more!

Initial Thoughts

This is where it all began for me. I remember like it was yesterday. Me, a young child, with my mom and Nana in K-Mart looking at the book section. When suddenly I saw a small paperback with the image of a teenage girl horrified by a Christmas present in her lap. Upon closer inspection, I saw the present had a knife sticking out of it.

Even though I didn’t know what the title was, the memory of that cover stuck with me for a while. It was a couple of years later when I learned I was looking at “The Best Friend” in R.L. Stine’s teen series, “Fear Street.” I had no idea at the time Stine wrote this book, so it was an amazing coincidence that the book I remembered was also written by the guy who wrote “Goosebumps.”

Coincidence? Or maybe fate?

As you can guess, people have described this book as “Single White Female on Fear Street.” Of course I’ve never seen the movie myself.

Re-reading this book for the first time in years, I found myself feeling genuinely unsettled and disturbed by what went on. I knew of course the plot and what happened, but not from repeated re-reads. For some reason, the reviews I’ve seen of this book have derided Becka, the main character, as annoying and a bad friend. Honestly, I don’t see it. Becka’s probably one of the biggest victims in the entire franchise because of what Honey Perkins does to her life in this story.

Best BEST friends
Becka Norwood and Honey Perkins by Nanihoo – Nanihoo has been an absolute joy to commission this past year. She’s done numerous design commissions and helped me flesh out one of my comic ideas farther then I’ve ever gone in years

[Wing: That is such a fun piece of art!]

Oh and FYI, when R.L. Stine signed my copy last year, he told me everyone HATED the ending when it came out. Which probably explains how “The Best Friend 2” happened.

[Wing: Damn it, Stine, stick to your guns!]

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Posted in Other Recaps

Recap #197: Bone Chillers #4: Frankenturkey by Betsy Haynes

Pardon this, bitch!

Title: Bone Chillers #4 – Frankenturkey, a.k.a. “Help! My Turkey Is A Frankenstein”

Author: Betsy Haynes

Cover Artist: Tim Jacobus (?)

Tagline: Look who’s coming to Thanksgiving dinner…

Summary: …it’s not Grandma!

Kyle and Annie want to celebrate Thanksgiving like the Pilgrims. They want to wear stovepipe hats, bake their own pies – even raise their own turkey. Then they meet Frankenturkey!

Frankenturkey is big. Frankenturkey is bad. Frankenturkey is mad. If Kyle and Annie don’t watch out, Frankenturkey will eat them for Thanksgiving dinner.

Initial Thoughts

That summary is a lie in so many ways. Kyle and Annie do NOT want to celebrate Thanksgiving like the Pilgrims. They do NOT want to wear stovepipe hats or bake their own pies. And while they want to raise their own turkey, it’s not because they want to eat him.

Coming off that, I should clarify I actually really hate Thanksgiving, probably more than April Fools’ Day. I don’t feel I’m educated enough to make a point about how the holiday is shamelessly built off the exploitation and continued attempts at extermination of the indigenous people who lived in this country before white people ruined everything. Well I could, but I feel I’d come across as a token straw liberal and sound horribly obnoxious and phony.

Oh screw it I’m going to Hell anyway.

[Wing: A handful of links with more information RE USA Thanksgiving and native peoples: 7 Ways to be an Ally to Native Peoples This Thanksgiving, Celebrate Indigenous History This Thanksgiving, Native American Rights Fund: Thanksgiving.]

What I can say is I’d rather not celebrate a holiday that seems to pride itself on being a clusterfuck of anxiety, wherein family members are forced to invite other family members they can’t stand, waste a lot of money on one meal that could’ve been used to buy at least a week’s worth of food, and then spend the entire day arguing and yelling about shit no one’s talked about in decades before nitpicking over said meal and then offering apologies that amount to nothing.

Fun!

As a picky eater I also can’t stand the holiday because everyone expects me to eat a lot and it makes me feel more self conscious than I already am when I have dinner with other people. If I ever have a family of my own, I’m not making my kids celebrate the holiday and would rather spend the day doing something fun with them instead of forcing them to watch me argue with their uncle and grandparents.

MOVING ON

This is most likely one of the more well known “Bone Chillers” in it’s one of the three books adapted into the TV show and it’s the one book that got a sequel.

Pardon this, bitch! – The TV show

If there was ever to be a trademark monster for the franchise, it’s Frankenturkey. [Wing: Well that is a horrifying promotional image.]

Frankenturkey by Bobby Timony – GOBBLE GOBBLE, MOTHERFUCKERS!

I bought the sequel book first before I acquired the original, and owned this for years without reading it until I proposed a recap for the site. Well, I’d read the first chapter and was prepared to hate this when it seemed Kyle was too much like an average “Goosebumps” protagonist. I was pleasantly surprised to be proved wrong. Kyle and Annie’s affection for the actual turkey they buy is legit endearing, and the one thing that frustrates me is their condescending bitch of a mother and their equally awful dad.

As a bonus, here’s the episode on Youtube

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Posted in Other Recaps

Recap #196: Spellbound by Christopher Pike

Spellbound by Christopher Pike
Spellbound by Christopher Pike

Title: Spellbound by Christopher Pike

Summary: No one knew how the girl had died.

They found Karen Holly in the mountain stream, her skull crushed. There was only one witness to the tragedy, Karen’s boyfriend, Jason Whitfield. He said a grizzly had killed her. But a lot of people didn’t believe him. They thought Jason had murdered her in a fit of rage.

And now weeks have passed, and Jason has another girlfriend, Cindy Jones. And there are the new kids in town, Joni Harper, the quiet English beauty that Cindy’s brother, Alex, cannot get out of his mind. And Bala, the foreign exchange student from Africa, the grandson of a powerful shaman.

Together they will return to the place where Karen was killed.

Some will die.

The others will come face to face with a horror beyond imagining.

Tagline: You can close your eyes….It won’t help. [Wing: Except, spoilers, that’s exactly what it does.]

Initial Thoughts

This is one of my favourite Pike books, though not my absolute favourite. There are monstrous women and full moons and hunger, and it is all pretty great — except for that girls fighting over boys and boys fighting over girls and racism everywhere. /o\

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Posted in Friday the 13th movies, Let's Do It! recaps

Recap #188: Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)

Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)Title: Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)
(theatrically: Jason Lives: Friday the 13th Part VI)

Summary: The writers pretend the events of the previous film (or two) were some sort of fever dream and decide that Tommy Jarvis (now version 3.0!) should inadvertently help resurrect our dead anti-hero, Jason Voorhees. Jason is really really upset that his bloody legacy has been white-washed from history, so he sets out to make sure everyone knows Crystal Lake > Forest Green. The usual mayhem and hi-jinks ensue!

Tagline: Kill or Be Killed!

Notes: I can’t really complain about this poster. It’s decently scary. Can’t really say it’s spoilery; Jason had to come back to carry on the franchise. Good job, art department! [Wing: It’s a pretty solid poster. I’ve never seen it before, and I’m surprised by how well it works, even though the mask sort of looks like a dark moon with holes in it.]

Initial Thoughts

Welcome back to ROUND 6 of Let’s Do It!: A Virgin Does Horror!

I’M AT THE HALFWAY MARK! [Wing: CONGRATULATIONS! This has been such a blast.] After this installment, there’s six left to recap! *throws machete-shaped confetti* I’ve survived Jason five times, but he’s gaining traction, having been resurrected, what, twice now? I mean, is that even the right way to think about it? Tommy killed Jason in Part IV, we know that, and Jason died in that barn (technically) in Part III, but then adult!Tommy has either “become” Jason (aka possessed by, I’m not sure it was real clear in many ways, but we’ll go with it) or… well… maybe this installment does its best to back track and put viewers on a new course for the many bloody adventures of Jason. Who knows. I’m stuck watching it ether way, so I’ll just let myself be surprised.

In reality, I would have been roughly 5 when this film was released in theaters. I can’t say with any honesty that I remember anything about the advertisement campaign; I was busy watching My Little Pony (like a good Virgin!) and serial killers/horror movies wouldn’t really factor in for a while. Okay, this also might have been around the time I had nightmares after seeing the temple scene in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom because back in the day, when people left their homes to go and rent VHS tapes to watch, rental stores pretty much played whatever the clerk wanted to watch. Before a whole bunch of kids were scarred for life by what they saw and their parents complained and from that point on, the chains only ran G-rated stuff. (I know this for fact; I worked at a video rental store back in the day.)

Om namah shivay! Om namah shivay! Om namah shivay!

Sorry. Getting back on track, from one murderer to another…

Without getting into too much spoiler territory (I’m supposed to go into these completely unknowing, duh) I guess Tommy Jarvis didn’t do much for audiences and the idea of him turning into / being possessed by / whatever Jason Voorhees DIDN’T SIT WELL WITH AUDIENCES. Hm, I wonder why. Though, I have to admit, if they could have kept Corey Feldman on, the idea of a child possessed by Jason could have worked. It’s really a disturbing idea and I’m sure some horror films that have come out since have done something similar. (Don’t @ me, I really don’t like horror films from the past two decades. Even the 90s stuff bothers me. I’ll stick to 1960s-1980s, thank you.)

Okay, let’s just get into it. I’m wasting precious time here. If only the great American hero Kevin Bacon could save me from this… sixth time’s a charm. I’m ready for you, Jason, bring it on.

Important note! Remember, I am rolling over the body count from each of the previous films recapped, so that will be reflected in the counter and final tally.

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Posted in Other Recaps

Recap #185: Mermaid Saga Part 12: The Ash Princess by Rumiko Takahashi

Title: Mermaid Saga Part 12 – The Ash Princess

Creator: Rumiko Takahashi

Initial Thoughts

Wow, so we’ve reached the final “Mermaid Saga” story to recap. My first completion of an entire series for Devil’s Elbow.

Unfortunately this last chapter is devoid of Mana, so Wing I hope you enjoyed her presence in the last recap. We’re looking at another exploration into Yuta’s past, this time a couple of hundred years after “The Village of the Fighting Fish.” It’s here Yuta has an encounter with a different kind of immortal, but without any romantic overtones. It’s still pretty heartbreaking though.

[Wing: I can’t believe that we’re already done with this series. I’m going to miss it, and Mana, quite a bit.]

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Posted in Other Recaps

Recap #181: Deadtime Stories #10: Grandpa’s Monster Movies by A.G. Cascone

Original Cover
DOWN IN FRONT
Re-release cover
When you find your dad’s old porn stash and realize you’re following the plot

Title: Deadtime Stories #10 – Grandpa’s Monster Movies, a.k.a. “A Nightmare on Green Acres”

Author: A.G. Cascone, a.k.a. Annette and Gina Cascone

Cover Artist: ???

Tagline: The midnight show is a scream.

Summary: Home movies can be a horror!

C.T. and his cousin Lea are staying at their grandparents’ old farmhouse. It’s Grandpa’s seventieth birthday, and everyone’s celebrating with a big family reunion. All the weird relatives are here, and all they seem to want to talk about are “the good old days.”

C.T. and Lea think the “good old days” are pretty boring – until they find some home movies hidden away in the attic, movies from when their grandfather was just a boy.

The home movies give them a piece of family history that their relatives never talked about.

It seems that horses, cows, pigs, and chickens aren’t the only creatures Grandpa’s been taking care of on the farm. And Uncle Ernie isn’t the only one at the family reunion whose back is covered with hair. [Wing: WEREWOLF?!]

C.T. and Lea discover there’s a monster among them – and this creature is dying to eat a lot more than the birthday cake!

Initial Thoughts

It’s my grandfather’s birthday this month so I felt this would be an appropriate book to recap. Believe me, I wish I’d chosen something else because of all the hillbilly jokes in this one.

“Deadtime Stories” was written by sisters Annette and Gina Cascone under a shared pen name. It was another series where most of the entries were independent of the other, save for the two “Tiny Town” books which inexplicably featured an identical knock-off of Chucky the Killer Doll named “Hurley the Hobo.”

Terror in Tiny Town by Tim Jacobus
What the hell, Jacobus?

Surprisingly, Nickelodeon produced a short TV adaptation a decade after the original series ended, which of course led to several books being reprinted with new covers. The episodes always featured a framing story of a babysitter narrating the books to the two little kids she was watching, and them always screaming when she gets to the twist ending.

[Wing: That is a serious Chucky knock-off.]

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Posted in Goosebumps Recaps

Recap #176: Goosebumps #25: Attack of the Mutant by R.L. Stine

Original cover
You can tell this one’s about comics because the proportions on that cover are AWFUL
I wish I knew who the Hell did the British covers

Title: Goosebumps #25 – Attack of the Mutant, a.k.a. “Crisis of Infinite Mutants”

Author: R.L. Stine

Cover Artist: Tim Jacobus (U.S.), ???? (U.K.)

Tagline: He’s no superhero. He’s a supervillain!

Summary: Read at your own risk…

Skipper Matthews has an awesome comic book collection. His favorite one is called The Masked Mutant. It’s about an evil supervillain who’s out to rule the universe.

Skipper can’t get enough of The Mutant. Until one day he gets lost in a strange part of town. And finds a building that looks exactly like The Mutant’s secret headquarters. A building that appears and disappears.

Has Skipper read one too many comic books? Or does The Masked Mutant really live in Riverview Falls?

Initial Thoughts

Guys, again I have to apologize for screwing up the schedule. That virus I contracted at the beginning of July completely threw off my schedule for writing alongside all the hours I’ve put in at work. This was supposed to cap off July’s “Comic Con” theme with my recaps, and I hope the lateness doesn’t mess up my recaps for August.

Penguins! Gangsters! Villains! Whatever the fuck that thing with the horns is!

“Attack of the Mutant” is one of the most popular of the first 62 books. During the original run it got a two-episode adaptation (featuring the legendary Adam West) plus a computer game that delved more into the Masked Mutant’s fictional realm. Unfortunately, the character’s been totally neglected ever since the “Goosebumps Horrorland” reboot and has been replaced by two other “Comic villain come to life” characters, the annoying Dr. Maniac (whose first appearance wasn’t so bad but the way he got overused pissed me off) and the Ooze (who only had one appearance).

For a TV show with questionable acting and effects, their portrayal of comics in the 90s is perfect down to every detail

Skipper, the main character, pisses me off because he is SUCH a 90s comic snob, and it is people like him who ruined comics for everybody. However, I will say the TV show did such a good job at capturing his character it’s impossible not to imagine him wearing a baseball hat even if it’s not mentioned in the book. Watch as I pepper the recap with as many of comic references as I can.

Oh and apparently Stine hates “Archie” comics for some reason.

[Wing: Because Stine is terrible sometimes.]

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Posted in Other Recaps

Recap #172: Mermaid Saga Part 7: Dream’s End by Rumiko Takahashi

Title: Mermaid Saga Part 7 – Dream’s End

Author/Artist: Rumiko Takahashi

Initial Thoughts

It’s a good thing I chose this chapter for July because I’ve been incredibly backlogged the last couple of weeks ever since I got sick around Independence Day.

Dream’s End is another oddity in the series because it provides more world building, even though it’s the shortest story at only 22 pages not counting the splash title page. It’s the only time the series explores the concept of the Lost Souls beyond their typical usage as a plot device and warning against consuming mermaid’s flesh. It also has a bit of a “Beauty and the Beast” vibe.

 

 

 

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Posted in Graveyard School recaps

Recap #169: Graveyard School #9: The Abominable Snow Monster by Tom B. Stone

GS School #9 Cover
He’s still not as scary as Michael Keaton

Title: Graveyard School #9 – The Abominable Snow Monster, a.k.a. “Where’s Global Warming When You Need It?”

Author: Tom B. Stone, a.k.a. Nola Thacker, a.k.a. D.E. Athkins

Cover Artist: Came DeLeon

Summary: There Must Have Been Some Magic…

Kyle’s convinced – he’s created a monster! But what else is there to do when Grove Hill gets hit with thirteen snow storms?

Now his sinister snowman is on the loose, and Kyle has to figure out a way to melt him down. If Kyle fails, the snow monster is sure to go on a rampage – and he won’t be a jolly happy soul!

Initial Thoughts

Nothing puts you in the mood for summer than a nice story about a killer snowman. It’s interesting to me that Kyle Chilton would only be the main character in two books that are both about winter, but the placement is odd because I have to believe this takes place AFTER “Here Comes Santa Claws.” The book explicitly ends during the last few days of winter when spring is around the corner. For some reason, online bookstores like Amazon made it sound like “Here Comes Santa Claws” was a sequel to this book, even though it’s NOT. There’s mention of a great aunt’s funeral, but it definitely didn’t sound like Mab’s.

So take your mind off the July weather by imagining all the trimmings of winter. Roaring fires in the hearth, delicious mugs of piping hot chocolate, thick wool socks on your feet, plush and cuddly quilts and comforters to keep you nice and toasty, and the sound of hot radiator steam fogging your windows.

[Wing: You son of a bitch.]

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Posted in Other Recaps

Recap #167: Mermaid Saga Parts 13-14: Mermaid’s Gaze by Rumiko Takahashi

Title: Mermaid’s Saga Parts 13-14 – Mermaid’s Gaze

Author/Artist: Rumiko Takahashi

Initial Thoughts

We’ve come to one of my favorites in the series, but it’s sad because this story’s never gotten an animated adaption.

We’ll also be visiting another twisted sibling dynamic like the Kannagi Sisters from “Mermaid’s Forest,” but this goes much differently than you’d think.

There is, however, talk of suicide in this.

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Posted in Friday the 13th movies, Let's Do It! recaps

Recap #161: Friday the 13th: A New Beginning

Friday 13th New Beginning Part V 1985Title: Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1985) (aka Part V)

Summary: Still haunted by his past, Tommy Jarvis – who, as a child, killed Jason Voorhees – wonders if the serial killer is connected to a series of brutal murders occurring in and around the secluded halfway house where he now lives.

Tagline: The mindless, murderous fury that was buried with Jason has been reborn. And suddenly, terror has become child’s play! 

Notes: If we had looked at that poster in a design class in art college, it would have been unanimously voted as totally shitty. Wow, didn’t try very hard, did you, graphic design department. I’m not just haunted by Jason; I’m haunted by that terrible typography!

Initial Thoughts:

Hey, remember when we watched Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter and this experiment in terror was all over and I could move forward with my life?

Oh… wait…

[Wing: If there’s one* horror media rule that holds up it is this: The final chapter is never the final chapter.]

[Wing: *exaggeration, I know.]

Welcome back for yet another stimulating round of Let’s Do It!: A Virgin Does Horror! What was a “dead” franchise last entry has now been revived, because the world at large missed Jason Voorhees and his murderous hi-jinx. It wouldn’t have been the 1980s without beating a dead horse in an attempt to cash in further on a franchise that had utterly run out of steam. Or the 1990s, the 00s, and the 2010s…

I have actually read that this installment is akin to “a fucking porno in the woods […]. You wouldn’t believe the nudity they cut out,” which comes directly from the director’s mouth. So, thanks, Danny Steinmann, this will be horrible and awkward as hell, or more so than previous entries.

Because I have committed myself to the cause, as it were, I have no choice but to ride this chapter out. Oh well. At least I’m nearing the halfway point in this franchise, so there’s a dim light at the end of the tunnel but it’s probably a flood light Jason turned on to draw me closer to my own death. Yay!

(Save me, Kevin Bacon! Save me!)

Let’s see. Again, can’t read too much on the wiki or IMDb entries because SPOILERS and I honestly have ZERO MEMORY of this installment’s release. In March 1985, I would have been 3 years old, so that’s probably why. Also, the use of the hockey mask with the light blue triangles instead of the red triangles – way to screw shit up, costume department / graphics department! I know, I know, continuity is often a hopeless failure in this series. I ask too much. STOP SETTING THE BAR SO HIGH, VIRGIN.

Corey Feldman did reprise his role as Tommy Jarvis for this film, which is great since it means no shitty “we used stuff we filmed in the previous entry to insert said character into this film!” From what I’ve read he was busy shooting The Goonies (A VASTLY SUPERIOR FILM IN MY HUMBLE OPINION AND THAT’S NOT JUST BECAUSE I LITERALLY LIVE IN THE ACTUAL STATE WHERE IT WAS FILMED, THEREFORE I AM AN OFFICIAL GOONIE BY BIRTH) so on his day off, Feldman filmed his scenes in his family’s backyard in California, with a helpful rain machine. Huh. Movie magic, yo.

I recognize no other cast member’s name in this, so I’m not hoping for high caliber performances. I guess it was filmed under a fake title, so no one really understood/knew they were filming a Friday the 13th installment. Yikes. This whole thing sounds as doomed as the previous installment(s). No bueno.

Without further adieu, because I’m already bored and dreading this… fifth time’s a charm, right?

Important note! Remember, I am rolling over the body count from each of the previous films recapped, so that will be reflected in the counter and final tally.

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Posted in Nightmare Hall recaps

Recap #140: Nightmare Hall #10: Sorority Sister by Diane Hoh

Diane Hoh Nightmare Hall 7: Sorority SisterTitle: Nightmare Hall #10: Sorority Sister by Diane Hoh

Summary: When Maxie McKeon pledges Omega Phi Delta, she figures she’s got it made. She loves her new sisters. And everyone knows Omegas throw the best parties and go out with the cutest guys. But someone on campus isn’t crazy about the sorority. That person is just, well, crazy. And he – or she – is determined to destroy the house, and everyone in it. Joining Omega won’t change Maxie’s life. It will just shorten it.

Mental health: with tact and sensitivity: 1 point. Right in the back cover synopsis! Although, to be fair, Hoh didn’t write the synopsis.

Tagline: None.

Notes: I will now refer to the bad guy as “Muffin Man” because of The Mall.

Initial Thoughts

I don’t remember ever disliking a Diane Hoh book, but Deadly Attraction and The Wish in this series have shown me they’re occasionally not as great as I recall (albeit a lot better than most of the YA thrillers at the time). This book has the misfortune of coming after The Night Walker, a tight, taut, complex little humdinger of a thriller that I could barely find fault with. So it has a lot to live up to. But I’m always optimistic when it comes to Hoh (unlike Nola Thacker), and I do have memories of this at least being fun. Note: I have no knowledge of how fraternities and sororities work, because we don’t have them in Australia. Any idea I have is based solely on books and B-grade movies.

[Wing: That cover makes me think of Dawn Schafer and Abby Stevenson from the Baby-Sitters Club, which cracks me up. I’d not read this one before, so had no nostalgic thoughts going into it, but I was a part of a music fraternity for awhile at university (yes, I said fraternity), but it wasn’t a social Greek organisation, and I assume much different than whatever we have going on here.]

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Posted in Friday the 13th movies, Let's Do It! recaps

Recap #137: Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter

Friday the 13th The Final ChapterTitle: Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984) (aka Part IV)

Summary: After being mortally wounded and taken to the morgue, murderer Jason Voorhees spontaneously revives and embarks on a killing spree as he makes his way back to his home at Camp Crystal Lake.

Tagline: Jason’s Back, and this is the one you’ve been screaming for.

Note: The more I look at this poster, the more I remember it from childhood. It makes sense, because along side Nightmare on Elm Street, this was one of the major horror franchises that did huge home viewing business in the 1980s when I was still of an impressionable age. It’s weird how I didn’t recall that until I went looking for the poster for this recap, but it’s true. Independent video rental stores were everything when I was little and they always had posters displayed of new and/or popular titles. I will stop now before I start a “kids these days…” style rant about digital downloads and Redbox. [Wing: In contrast, I don’t remember this poster at all. How in the world did I miss it? We rented movies often.]

Initial Thoughts

If only I could quit you, Jason Voorhees. But no, I committed myself to this goddamn series and I’m going to see it through! [Wing: And we appreciate it greatly!]

Hello and welcome again to the fourth round of Let’s Do It! Yeah, I know, we’re only part way into the deep, twisty franchise that is Friday the 13th, and you’re all wondering how I can possibly not know what goes on in all the films by now, being that this is 2018 and we have The Internet™ to tell us everything.

Willpower, my friends. That and total lack of interest. I’d rather not know, because that’s half the fun. And I’m supposed to be a virgin (duh) when I watch these. I’m actually actively going out of my way to avoid spoilers at this point. It’s really hilarious. I read something last Halloween and instantly was like “NO NO STOP” and had to close the tab because it gave a big plot point away.

Because it’s been 34 years since this was released and I’m expected (at my age) to have seen this by now. Whatever. What about all the teens that weren’t born in the last century, huh? You just fill Wikipedia with spoilers for them so they never have to sit down and suffer through it like I did back in the Dark Ages??

Ahem. Moving on.

Let’s glean what we can without getting into the plot. This installment was released in theaters on April the 13th, 1984. Ooo, bummer, I’m a month early! Roger Ebert hated it. Good to know.

The more I read, the more I have to stop, because spoilers everywhere. Guess I’ll just come back to that stuff in the Final Thoughts part. Damn it.

Oh, and this is pointedly meant for me: Corey Feldman (who I knew was in one of these films but not which one) and Crispin Glover (who I didn’t know was in this film or that he was in this franchise what so ever) both went on to act in films with Kiefer Sutherland in 1986. (Stand By Me and At Close Range, respectively.) I’ve never seen At Close Range but I know the two-bit part that wasn’t really a part was the reason Schumacher called Kiefer in to read for The Lost Boys.

AND THAT’S HOW YOU PLAY SIX DEGREES OF KEVIN BACON!!

Wait, where am I? Oh, right, Camp Crystal Lake! Here we go. Again. For the fourth time.

(Save me, Kevin Bacon! Save me!)

Important note! Remember, I am rolling over the body count from each of the previous films recapped, so that will be reflected in the counter and final tally.

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Posted in Nightmare Hall recaps

Recap #136: Nightmare Hall #9: The Night Walker by Diane Hoh

Diane Hoh - Night Walker, window looking into a girl in a sports jersey with her arms out in front of her
Diane Hoh – Night Walker

Title: Nightmare Hall #9: The Night Walker by Diane Hoh

Summary: Quinn Hadley is sure she must be the only sleepwalker at Salem. It’s so embarrassing, especially since she never remembers where she was or what she was doing. But it’s never been a problem. Until now. Because someone is roaming the campus, attacking people in the middle of the night. No one knows who the crazed night stalker is. But all the clues point to Quinn.

Tagline: None.

Notes: I will now refer to the bad guy as “Muffin Man” because of The Mall. It doesn’t necessarily mean they’re male.

Initial Thoughts

Apologies for the delay in this recap. I have spent the last month fighting an infection in the big toe of my left foot. A small little scratch has led to two visits to hospital (one of them a week long), several combinations of antibiotics, and wearing a knee-length cast on my leg to keep pressure off it. I had put most things off while trying to get better, but at this rate, everything will be on hold until October (well, that’s what it feels like), so I just have to get back to it!

Much to my relief, Queen of YA Suspense, Diane Hoh, has returned to Nightmare Hall. Nola Thacker’s work tends to leave me sad, and angry at the world. I’m looking forward to this one. If I remember correctly, it had a slightly more tricky plot than usual. I have no idea if its representations of sleepwalking are anywhere close to the truth, but after The Experiment, and recent life events, I’ll just be happy with a fun, fast-paced story.

[Wing: Damn, I had no idea a small scratch could lead to so much pain and difficulty. I hope you finish healing quickly.]

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Posted in Other Recaps

Recap #132: Last Vampire #2: Black Blood by Christopher Pike

Last Vampire 2 Black Blood by Christopher PikeTitle: Last Vampire #2: Black Blood by Christopher Pike

Summary: Believing that she and her partner, Ray, are the last remaining vampires, five-thousand-year-old Alisa is stunned when she learns about a series of brutal murders in the United States that can only be the work of their own kind.

Tagline: The wave of death spread like a plague…

Initial Thoughts

I know I’ve read this one before, but I have no memory of what happens. Apparently, my memory, like the last book, ends in that cliffhanger of whether Alisa will live or die. I mean, I’m assuming she lives, considering there’s still a number of books to go, but I suppose Ray could be the new last vampire. But I doubt it.

Reminder: Last book ended with Sita: breaking her vow to Krishna and making another vampire; blowing up Yaksha, her creator; accidentally getting impaled by a piece of wood; and potentially dying in true peace because she realises she didn’t actually break her vow to Krishna.

ALISA I’M BETTER THAN ALL Y’ALL PERNE ROUND TWO.

Let’s do this.

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Posted in Nightmare Hall recaps

Recap #124: Nightmare Hall #8: The Experiment by Diane Hoh (Nola Thacker)

cover of Nightmare Hall - The Experiment by Diane HohTitle: Nightmare Hall #8: The Experiment

Summary: Professor Maximillian DeLure. Award-winning poet, scientist, and professor at Salem University. Dark, sexy, attractive…dangerous. Caryl Amberly is excited to be one of the few students specially selected for his new seminar. Until she finds out what his previous students think of him. Everyone says he’s a real killer. And they’re not talking about his exams….

Tagline: None.

Notes: I will now refer to the bad guy as “Muffin Man” because of The Mall.

Initial Thoughts

I’ve been procrastinating when it comes to this recap. We’ve once again got Nola Thacker doing ghost-writing duties, and I’m simply not a fan of her work in this series so far. Possibly in general. Sigh. Here we go.

[Wing: Normally, I try to go for the original cover, but I’ve been dreading this cover, which has a spider in that window frame part. So … have this cover instead. I couldn’t handle seeing the other one over and over. Sorry.]

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Posted in Friday the 13th movies, Let's Do It! recaps

Recap #115: Friday the 13th, Part III 3D

Title: Friday the 13th Part III-3D (Out of eleventy-billion, am I right?) [Wing: Pretty much.]

Summary: A carefree summer becomes a deadly nightmare for another group of naïve counselors who choose to ignore Camp Crystal Lake’s gruesome legacy. They find themselves in a bloody game of cat-and-mouse with the maniacal Jason who stalks their every move… and ruthlessly kills them off one-by-one. [Wing: Why do they keep going back? Why do they keep ignoring recent deaths? Why?]

Tagline: Meet Jason… In a whole new dimension!

Note: I know this says “in 3D”, but I am not watching it in 3D. Yeah, no. My eyeballs don’t like 3D.

Initial Thoughts

Well. Here I am. Again.

Fall, which was hot and weird for my region, not to mention choked with smoke from forest fires, is now sliding quickly towards Winter. Why not make myself all the more unhappy by watching yet another installment in the Friday the 13th series?!

I kid. I wouldn’t say snarkily recapping my way through a horror franchise makes me unhappy. But, man, after that last installment, I’m struggling with the stupidity of the writing and the glaring lack of Kevin Bacon.

Wait… when did Kevin freaking Bacon become my touchstone for this series? Dude’s character died in the first film, he’s not coming back! (Really, I’d rather watch him in Flatliners… maybe I should recap Flatliners at some point… uh, point of clarification: the ORIGINAL Flatliners.)

Let’s see, a bit of run down before we start in. The third film in the franchise was released August 13th, 1982 (ironically, that’s the month I’m wasn’t scheduled to post in, bummer) and I would have been about a year old, so I have no memory of this. [Wing: Boo, next time maybe we’ll switch up the posting schedule to hit something like that.]

It did well at the box office, no surprise.

Gleaning what I can from websites without being totally spoiled on a 35 year old film, this installment was the first to use a David Bowie song as its fake title during production, which also led to an “on-again, off-again tradition” of using Bowie songs for fake titles during production. Bowie was involved in everything, people, everything. Whether he knew it or not.

Oh, hell, let’s just start this recap, shall we?

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Posted in Nightmare Hall recaps

Recap #112: Nightmare Hall #7: Pretty Please by Diane Hoh

Title: Nightmare Hall #7: Pretty Please by Diane Hoh

Summary: Johanna Dunn is strikingly beautiful, just like all her friends. Until the accident. Now her perfect face is scarred and bandaged. She’s embarrassed by the strange looks she gets on campus – even from her closest friends. A pretty face isn’t everything, is it? Somebody thinks it is. Some thinks she’s plain old ugly now. Too ugly to live…. [Wing: Well damn, that escalated quickly.]

Tagline: None.

Notes: I will now refer to the bad guy as “Muffin Man” because of The Mall.

Initial Thoughts

Love the cover of this one, with the bandaged face looking back out of the mirror. Once again, I remember the identity of the Muffin Man all these years later. The concept of a killer going after a person they consider “ugly” may sound thin, but I think it’s quite unique, living as we do in a very looks obsessed society. Diane Hoh usually delves deeper into hot button issues than other YA thriller writers did at the time, so I’m hoping she finds some time for some light social commentary in amongst the thrills.

[Wing: I’ve never read this one before, but I like the idea that Hoh is going to take on the power of beauty in our society. I hope this goes well. And I don’t think it’s too far fetched for a killer to go after someone they consider ugly; just look at how fat people, for example, are treated. People casually call for their deaths all the time.]

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Posted in Nightmare Hall recaps

Recap #93: Nightmare Hall #5: The Scream Team by Diane Hoh

cover of Diane Hoh's Scream Team, top cover is brick building with a window cutout that shows a girl in a cheerleading uniform collapsed on the floor

Title: The Scream Team by Diane Hoh

Summary: Delle has always been a cheerleader. And so she wants more than anything to make the squad at Salem U. Until she hears the horrible truth about what happened to last year’s cheerleaders…

Once Delle thought she would die to make the team. Now she realizes she may have to. Welcome to the scream team, Delle.

[Wing: Well that’s suitably creepy. What did happen to last year’s cheerleaders?]

Tagline: None.

Notes: I will now refer to the bad guy as “Muffin Man” because of The Mall.

Initial Thoughts

Can’t remember a great deal about this one, to be honest, though I can still recall the identity of the Muffin Man. It should be noted that this is another one from Nola “Hack” Thacker, so expectations are not high.

[Wing: I’ve never read this one, but I love horror + cheerleaders, so maybe that will work even if I didn’t much enjoy Thacker’s last Nightmare Hall outing.]

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Posted in Friday the 13th movies, Let's Do It! recaps

Recap #87: Friday the 13th, Part 2!

cover image of Friday the 13th Part 2 with font in white on a black background. Red partially covers "Part 2"Title: Friday the 13th Part 2 (I guess we’re not into Roman numerals yet?) [Wing: Well, the cover image I have is into Roman numerals, but there are a bunch out there without it.]

Summary: Get ready for twice the terror with Friday the 13th Part 2: Deluxe Edition! Fives years after the massacre at Camp Crystal Lake, the nerve-wracking legend of Jason Voorhees and his diabolical mother lives on. Despite ominous warnings from the locals to stay away from “Camp Blood”, a group of counselors at a nearby summer camp decide to explore the area where seven people were brutally slaughtered. All too soon, they encounter horrors of their own and the killing begins again. You’ll be at the edge of your seat for this gruesome thriller about 24 hours of bone-chilling fear!

Tagline: 2x The Fear… 2x The Carnage… 2x The Terror! [Wing: By god, the tagline on the cover version I have is so freaking much better, and it is boring as hell: The body count continues…] [Virgin: Clearly, the creativity died with the first installment, Wing.]

Note: I don’t honestly know what’s actually “deluxe” about this version, but thank Odin it’s not the damn uncut version! Finally, a break!

Initial Thoughts

Oh, I got a whole bunch!

Firstly: this is supposed to take place five years after the first Friday the 13th but in fact was released in reality April 30th, 1981. Yeah, this happened a lot with movies, jumping forward in time as opposed to staying current with the period of release, but still. That’s frustrating.

Also, way to release it on Walpurgisnacht! (Google it, kids.)

Secondly, this film is as old as I am. Wild.

Thirdly: is there a state comprised of nothing but summer camps, each spaced five miles down the road from one another? Is it somewhere in Maine? Are they secretly run by Stephen King? Because, damn. I know, and maybe this isn’t true but it seems to be, that summer camps are/were a big thing in the Northeast, because you’re all crammed in like sardines in the concrete jungle back there. (Greetings from the open spaces of the wild, wild West!) I know we have camps here; in another life I was a participant in Camp Fire and took a couple trips to Camp Namanu, which had a pond full of salamanders but it wasn’t a proper *lake*. (The salamanders succeeded in making us scream, holding onto our oars as we rowed the tiny canoe around. We were suburban-dwellers not good with nature, okay.) I think the scariest thing that ever happened on any of those trips was when the rope snapped while we were climbing a trail up the side of a mountain and then that morning when we weren’t allowed outside the cabin because the caretaker’s dog had died outside the front door and the adults didn’t want us to see the corpse.

Really, putting a dozen pre-teen girls in a giant cabin is a far scarier situation then being stalked by a deranged killer. I’m not sure how I survived. Oh, wait, I am Virgin! I always survive camp!

Now that I have completely finished digressing! In reality, I am picking this recap up not long after viewing Friday the 13th, but you readers won’t be reading this until, uh, September? So just pretend that there’s not a giant gap (ha ha! I’ve time-jumped, like the film has! See what I did there?) and let’s see if I can play “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon” with any of the cast members.

Still can’t believe he was in the first film. Seriously.

Important note! Remember, I am rolling over the body count from the first film, so that will be reflected in the counter and final tally.

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