Posted in Friday the 13th movies, Let's Do It! recaps

Recap #264: Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)

Title: Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)

Summary: Tina just wants a “normal” life but when she returns to the scene of a horrific loss, she learns that “normal” is subjective. Oh, and Jason comes back. Again.

Tagline: Jason is back, but this time someone’s waiting! (Well, that sounds ominous…)

Notes: Yeah, this took forever. Sorry. A world-wide pandemic struck, I suffered the loss of my grandmother, there was a trip to Anaheim in there, two trips to visit family in another state (not all in that order), and – just generally – I was sorely unprepared to deal with a film that poorly handles mental health issues.

Initial Thoughts

Hi-ho, Virgin here, back for ROUND SEVEN with my ultimate continually reanimated nemesis, Jason Voorhees! That’s right, it’s time for Let’s Do It! A Virgin Does Horror!

It’s like 4 months into 2019 now it’s now 5 months into 2020, meaning I sort of missed posting this on schedule (like… I’m way off the schedule at this point, oops) but life gets in the way sometimes and I was in no shape to sit through, let alone recap, another Jason & Friends adventure. Things are back to “normal” (not sure that’s the word that describes things around here but whatever) so here I am, tackling the seventh film installment of this SERIES THAT WON’T DIE.

Obviously I know there is an end in sight; I only have five films after this one. Just five! Only five. God help me, five more of these nightmares, and technically one is a crossover and the other is a reboot. Help. [Wing: You’ve got this! Five is nothing. You’ve done way more than five already. I believe in you!]

This film dropped into theaters on May 13th, 1988. I may have gone and found the trailer on YT, because for some reason I could hear, in my head, the voice over narrator saying “the new blood”. My audio memories were pretty close. I didn’t watch the trailer, I just skipped ahead. Believe me, for all the awful stuff I’ve heard about this entry, I don’t want to spoil my misery!

ANYWAY. Although I was much more aware of films in general at this point (I would have turned 7 roughly a week ahead of this film’s release) I can’t tell you why I remember that tagline. I would say it was probably played on television, I probably heard it and desperately tried to ignore it (I was a horror wuss at that time in my life) but I could also be imagining it.

Glancing at the wiki article, it seems as though this was originally intended to be the crossover with Nightmare on Elm Street but negotiations fell through and the meet cute between Jason and Freddie did not happen for another fifteen years. Huh. Part of me still wonders if I need to stop and start watching THAT franchise between I get to the crossover film. Hm. Wing, thoughts?

Yeah, I have never seen Nightmare on Elm Street. (Or Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Or Hellraiser. It would be easier to write a list of what I have seen, tbh.) I wasn’t kidding when I said I’m a horror virgin.

I love that the working title during filming was “Birthday Bash”. Now that’s a movie I wish I was watching. At least it’s a lot more interesting in my imagination then I’m sure this will be. Okay, let’s just get on with this before my pessimism ruins the fun.

Let’s Do It, Jason! (You have failed to come and save me from all this, Kevin Bacon, damn it! Some great American hero you are! STAR-LORD LIED!!)

Important note! Remember, I am rolling over the body count from each of the previous films recapped, so that will be reflected in the counter and final tally.

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Posted in Snark at the Moon! recaps

Recap #207: Teen Wolf Too (1987)

 

Teen Wolf Too (1987)Title: Teen Wolf Too (1987)

Summary: Todd Howard is a Hamilton University freshman with a full athletic scholarship: only Todd has no idea why, since he’s far more interested in veterinary medicine than sports. But his boxing coach, Bobby Finstock, is very familiar with the Howard family secret and he’s hoping he can use it to his advantage. When the whole school (including Todd) finds out that he’s a werewolf with superhuman abilities, Todd’s popularity skyrockets and he becomes the big wolf on campus. But is his fame a gift? Or a curse?

Tagline: A hair-raising comedy. (Which tells you nothing. NOTHING.)

Initial Thoughts

Happy SUPER WOLF BLOOD MOON! Holy crap, did I pick a perfect time to post this or what?? Honestly I had no idea slacking off delaying posting due to the holidays and other stresses would mean I would find myself posting a a recap about a werewolf film incidentally on the Wolf Moon (last time it was the Beaver Moon but that was fitting since Scott’s team were the Beavers) and it just happens to be a total lunar eclipse during a “super moon”, and the moon will be “blood red”. THIS CAN’T BE MORE PERFECT IF I EVEN TRIED! AND I DIDN’T TRY!

Wing and I are back again, Snarking at the Moon!, with recaps of our favorite werewolf films. You might remember I chose Teen Wolf (1985) as my first outing. Now we’ve come full circle (sorry, terrible moon puns ahoy) to my favorite sequel, Teen Wolf Too!

I’ve already noted that I had a five-second crush on Jason Bateman all because of this film. Where as Michael J. Fox’s Scott was a basketball player, Todd Howard — Scott’s cousin, how convenient, filmmakers — is good at boxing. Well, sort of. At least there will be almost zero basketball playing in this film, after I had to sit through so. much. basketball. during the first film. Never gonna get all that time back.

Boxing? BOXING! Which is a lot more fun, because people get to punch each other. Moves a lot faster then stupid sportsball games, that’s for sure.

Ignoring the fact that yet again we’re centering the movie around sports (yawn), this one has just as much (if not more) heart to the characters. Several of the original film’s characters return and grow in surprising ways; Todd, our new lead, is a lot different from Scott. Scott was concerned about high school-level priorities. Scott is a college man who wants to help animals. Both get trapped in the spotlight of popularity. Scott learned a lesson. Will Todd learn one, too? (You will have to find out by reading the recap.)

This, like many sequels, was not well received by critics or audiences upon its initial release. I’m not sure it even did well in video rentals, because if I am brutally honest, it’s not that good. But it’s cheesy, has a heart and a good message, and there’s werewolves. So let’s begin!

[Wing: I love sports movies, but I love boxing even more, so that plus werewolves has me excited. This is one of the movies I’ve never seen before, so it’s nice to check it off the list, too.]

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Posted in Other movies

Recap #189: Halloween Extravaganza 2018: Mr. Boogedy (1986)

Mr Boogedy (1986)

Title: Mr. Boogedy (1986)

Summary: The Davis family, who have recently moved to Lucifer Falls, realize that not all is as it seems in their new home. In fact, they are haunted by none other than Mr Boogedy!

Notes: For those who remember this but can’t find a copy, it’s on YouTube or can be rented on Google Play.

Initial Thoughts:

Happy Halloween, everybody! For this year’s Halloween Extravaganza, I dug into one of the deep cuts, from clear back when I was a bitty bat.

If you were on the younger side during the mid-80s, you probably remember when the Walt Disney company used to put out made-for-TV-movies every Sunday night. A lot of them were cheaply produced “sequels” to bigger box office hits. (Splash, Too instantly comes to mind.)

But then there was Mr. Boogedy, which was actually a failed pilot for a television series, believe it or not. (I honestly don’t think that it was very strong inspiration for a television series, but that’s just my opinion.) That aside, Mr Boogedy was down right scary and fucked up when you were 4-6 years old and somehow your parents thought it was fine because it was a Disney special. I remember exactly where I was when I first saw it. My mother had gone to visit a woman who was involved in the bowling league, who had a daughter my age. Said daughter insisted we put on Mr Boogedy, while our mothers talked bowling.

It scared the shit out of me. Mostly because we left before I got halfway through it, therefore I was left with my impressive childlike imagination to fill in the blanks. I swear, it was far more thorough in scaring me to death then reality. But anyway.

The word “boogedy” actually comes from a Stephen King film, “Cat’s Eye”, according to director Scott Oz. Actually, I never knew where they got that but now I know and while cool, I feel a little let down for reasons I’m not sure of. I think because this film, and its not as impressive sequel, Bride of Boogedy, occupy a part of my memories that are probably trigger points for what scared me as a child, I wanted it to have a much creepier definition.

Boogedy isn’t even a real word, according to the dictionary, so I’m not sure what I wanted.

Also, it’s fun to see the back lot of Disney Studios, which has subsequently been torn down. The film was shot there in roughly two weeks. Disney under estimated how popular it would turn out to be, but has consistently ignored calls for it to be released on home video and DVD for decades. [Wing: This amazes me, because it’s not Disney can’t easily release it and Disney does like any sort of potential money.]

I’m not going to get into the story here. I think it’s much more fun, especially if you’re new to the Boogedy series, to go in cold. So settle in with some pumpkin juice and popcorn. TIME TO GET BOOGEDY!

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Posted in Friday the 13th movies, Let's Do It! recaps

Recap #188: Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)

Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)Title: Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)
(theatrically: Jason Lives: Friday the 13th Part VI)

Summary: The writers pretend the events of the previous film (or two) were some sort of fever dream and decide that Tommy Jarvis (now version 3.0!) should inadvertently help resurrect our dead anti-hero, Jason Voorhees. Jason is really really upset that his bloody legacy has been white-washed from history, so he sets out to make sure everyone knows Crystal Lake > Forest Green. The usual mayhem and hi-jinks ensue!

Tagline: Kill or Be Killed!

Notes: I can’t really complain about this poster. It’s decently scary. Can’t really say it’s spoilery; Jason had to come back to carry on the franchise. Good job, art department! [Wing: It’s a pretty solid poster. I’ve never seen it before, and I’m surprised by how well it works, even though the mask sort of looks like a dark moon with holes in it.]

Initial Thoughts

Welcome back to ROUND 6 of Let’s Do It!: A Virgin Does Horror!

I’M AT THE HALFWAY MARK! [Wing: CONGRATULATIONS! This has been such a blast.] After this installment, there’s six left to recap! *throws machete-shaped confetti* I’ve survived Jason five times, but he’s gaining traction, having been resurrected, what, twice now? I mean, is that even the right way to think about it? Tommy killed Jason in Part IV, we know that, and Jason died in that barn (technically) in Part III, but then adult!Tommy has either “become” Jason (aka possessed by, I’m not sure it was real clear in many ways, but we’ll go with it) or… well… maybe this installment does its best to back track and put viewers on a new course for the many bloody adventures of Jason. Who knows. I’m stuck watching it ether way, so I’ll just let myself be surprised.

In reality, I would have been roughly 5 when this film was released in theaters. I can’t say with any honesty that I remember anything about the advertisement campaign; I was busy watching My Little Pony (like a good Virgin!) and serial killers/horror movies wouldn’t really factor in for a while. Okay, this also might have been around the time I had nightmares after seeing the temple scene in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom because back in the day, when people left their homes to go and rent VHS tapes to watch, rental stores pretty much played whatever the clerk wanted to watch. Before a whole bunch of kids were scarred for life by what they saw and their parents complained and from that point on, the chains only ran G-rated stuff. (I know this for fact; I worked at a video rental store back in the day.)

Om namah shivay! Om namah shivay! Om namah shivay!

Sorry. Getting back on track, from one murderer to another…

Without getting into too much spoiler territory (I’m supposed to go into these completely unknowing, duh) I guess Tommy Jarvis didn’t do much for audiences and the idea of him turning into / being possessed by / whatever Jason Voorhees DIDN’T SIT WELL WITH AUDIENCES. Hm, I wonder why. Though, I have to admit, if they could have kept Corey Feldman on, the idea of a child possessed by Jason could have worked. It’s really a disturbing idea and I’m sure some horror films that have come out since have done something similar. (Don’t @ me, I really don’t like horror films from the past two decades. Even the 90s stuff bothers me. I’ll stick to 1960s-1980s, thank you.)

Okay, let’s just get into it. I’m wasting precious time here. If only the great American hero Kevin Bacon could save me from this… sixth time’s a charm. I’m ready for you, Jason, bring it on.

Important note! Remember, I am rolling over the body count from each of the previous films recapped, so that will be reflected in the counter and final tally.

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Posted in Other movies

Recap #174: The Hole (2001)

The Hole (2001)
The Hole (2001)

Title: The Hole

Summary: Four teenagers at a British private school secretly uncover and explore the depths of a sealed underground hole created decades ago as a possible bomb shelter.

[Dove: Yeah, no, sorry imdb, but that makes it sound like a caving adventure. What happens is four teenagers are locked in the bunker, with no means of escape, and the film explores what put them there and what happened in the hole.]

Grade: B

Note 1: In England, public school means publicly funded, e.g., the parents of the students, the public, pay for its running costs. I know this means the opposite in America. [Wing: Americans, it’s a private boarding school. It’s great.]

Note 2: I’m trying to recap the story as it unfolds, and if you’ve seen this you’ll know that what you see in one scene can well be contradicted in another. So my comments take the scene at face value. I’ll loop back to anything on the contradicting scene, rather than “spoiling” what comes next. [Wing: Smart plan! And so is the one below.]

Note 3: I won’t mention the contents of the book. However, when I recap the book, I will definitely mention the contents of the film.

Initial Thoughts

Just FYI, this is one of my favourite movies. Please note the difference between “favourite” and “best”. If you want my “best” movie, it’s One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest or Stand By Me. This falls firmly in the guilty pleasure category.

It was one of the first movies Raven and I watched when we moved in together. It was so early on in our relationship that we didn’t have a TV licence (we were waiting for payday) and so we were very naughty by watching it.

Also, I will be recapping the book. If you’ve always wanted to read the book but never got around to it, go buy the book now. The book is a very different entity to the movie, and it really should be read if you enjoy this story or any variation of it.

Also, I did screen caps of this entire movie for the cap_it community at LiveJournal. Who knew that 12 years later, it would save me a task when I came to recap the movie? [Wing: I remember people frantically asking you to screen cap Kiera Knightley’s tits, and you refusing, like the A+ person you are.]

[Wing: I love this movie so much. Dove introduced me to it, and the book, as she does many things, and I adore it to this day.]

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Posted in Friday the 13th movies, Let's Do It! recaps

Recap #161: Friday the 13th: A New Beginning

Friday 13th New Beginning Part V 1985Title: Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1985) (aka Part V)

Summary: Still haunted by his past, Tommy Jarvis – who, as a child, killed Jason Voorhees – wonders if the serial killer is connected to a series of brutal murders occurring in and around the secluded halfway house where he now lives.

Tagline: The mindless, murderous fury that was buried with Jason has been reborn. And suddenly, terror has become child’s play! 

Notes: If we had looked at that poster in a design class in art college, it would have been unanimously voted as totally shitty. Wow, didn’t try very hard, did you, graphic design department. I’m not just haunted by Jason; I’m haunted by that terrible typography!

Initial Thoughts:

Hey, remember when we watched Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter and this experiment in terror was all over and I could move forward with my life?

Oh… wait…

[Wing: If there’s one* horror media rule that holds up it is this: The final chapter is never the final chapter.]

[Wing: *exaggeration, I know.]

Welcome back for yet another stimulating round of Let’s Do It!: A Virgin Does Horror! What was a “dead” franchise last entry has now been revived, because the world at large missed Jason Voorhees and his murderous hi-jinx. It wouldn’t have been the 1980s without beating a dead horse in an attempt to cash in further on a franchise that had utterly run out of steam. Or the 1990s, the 00s, and the 2010s…

I have actually read that this installment is akin to “a fucking porno in the woods […]. You wouldn’t believe the nudity they cut out,” which comes directly from the director’s mouth. So, thanks, Danny Steinmann, this will be horrible and awkward as hell, or more so than previous entries.

Because I have committed myself to the cause, as it were, I have no choice but to ride this chapter out. Oh well. At least I’m nearing the halfway point in this franchise, so there’s a dim light at the end of the tunnel but it’s probably a flood light Jason turned on to draw me closer to my own death. Yay!

(Save me, Kevin Bacon! Save me!)

Let’s see. Again, can’t read too much on the wiki or IMDb entries because SPOILERS and I honestly have ZERO MEMORY of this installment’s release. In March 1985, I would have been 3 years old, so that’s probably why. Also, the use of the hockey mask with the light blue triangles instead of the red triangles – way to screw shit up, costume department / graphics department! I know, I know, continuity is often a hopeless failure in this series. I ask too much. STOP SETTING THE BAR SO HIGH, VIRGIN.

Corey Feldman did reprise his role as Tommy Jarvis for this film, which is great since it means no shitty “we used stuff we filmed in the previous entry to insert said character into this film!” From what I’ve read he was busy shooting The Goonies (A VASTLY SUPERIOR FILM IN MY HUMBLE OPINION AND THAT’S NOT JUST BECAUSE I LITERALLY LIVE IN THE ACTUAL STATE WHERE IT WAS FILMED, THEREFORE I AM AN OFFICIAL GOONIE BY BIRTH) so on his day off, Feldman filmed his scenes in his family’s backyard in California, with a helpful rain machine. Huh. Movie magic, yo.

I recognize no other cast member’s name in this, so I’m not hoping for high caliber performances. I guess it was filmed under a fake title, so no one really understood/knew they were filming a Friday the 13th installment. Yikes. This whole thing sounds as doomed as the previous installment(s). No bueno.

Without further adieu, because I’m already bored and dreading this… fifth time’s a charm, right?

Important note! Remember, I am rolling over the body count from each of the previous films recapped, so that will be reflected in the counter and final tally.

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Posted in Jurassic Park movies

Recap #159: Jurassic Park (1993)

Jurassic Park 25th anniversary
Jurassic Park 25th anniversary

Title: Jurassic Park (1993)

Summary: Genetically engineered dinosaurs run amok at a tycoon’s island amusement park.

Tagline: An adventure 65 million years in the making

Initial Thoughts

TWENTY-FIVE YEARS AGO I GOT THE GREATEST GIFT: JURASSIC PARK.

Of all the things I’ve recapped that I love, this may be the one I love most. Yes, even more than The Howling which was my very first werewolf movie and therefore will always have a fond spot in my heart. Jurassic Park has been a huge part of my life since it came out; my dad was a truck driver, and I spent summers on the road with him. The summer the movie came out, I read Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton, and I used to daydream about seeing dinosaurs running alongside the big truck, crossing fields and mountains. When I was in high school, one of my favourite concert season included playing the Jurassic Park score. (A friend of mine played the oboe, and it was one of the most haunting and beautiful bits of music I’ve ever heard.) To this day, a hint of the theme song can make me verklempt.

I love the entire original trilogy completely unironically, but Jurassic Park remains my most beloved. You’ve been warned. This is maybe less of a recap and more an explosion of feelings.

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Posted in Friday the 13th movies, Let's Do It! recaps

Recap #137: Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter

Friday the 13th The Final ChapterTitle: Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984) (aka Part IV)

Summary: After being mortally wounded and taken to the morgue, murderer Jason Voorhees spontaneously revives and embarks on a killing spree as he makes his way back to his home at Camp Crystal Lake.

Tagline: Jason’s Back, and this is the one you’ve been screaming for.

Note: The more I look at this poster, the more I remember it from childhood. It makes sense, because along side Nightmare on Elm Street, this was one of the major horror franchises that did huge home viewing business in the 1980s when I was still of an impressionable age. It’s weird how I didn’t recall that until I went looking for the poster for this recap, but it’s true. Independent video rental stores were everything when I was little and they always had posters displayed of new and/or popular titles. I will stop now before I start a “kids these days…” style rant about digital downloads and Redbox. [Wing: In contrast, I don’t remember this poster at all. How in the world did I miss it? We rented movies often.]

Initial Thoughts

If only I could quit you, Jason Voorhees. But no, I committed myself to this goddamn series and I’m going to see it through! [Wing: And we appreciate it greatly!]

Hello and welcome again to the fourth round of Let’s Do It! Yeah, I know, we’re only part way into the deep, twisty franchise that is Friday the 13th, and you’re all wondering how I can possibly not know what goes on in all the films by now, being that this is 2018 and we have The Internet™ to tell us everything.

Willpower, my friends. That and total lack of interest. I’d rather not know, because that’s half the fun. And I’m supposed to be a virgin (duh) when I watch these. I’m actually actively going out of my way to avoid spoilers at this point. It’s really hilarious. I read something last Halloween and instantly was like “NO NO STOP” and had to close the tab because it gave a big plot point away.

Because it’s been 34 years since this was released and I’m expected (at my age) to have seen this by now. Whatever. What about all the teens that weren’t born in the last century, huh? You just fill Wikipedia with spoilers for them so they never have to sit down and suffer through it like I did back in the Dark Ages??

Ahem. Moving on.

Let’s glean what we can without getting into the plot. This installment was released in theaters on April the 13th, 1984. Ooo, bummer, I’m a month early! Roger Ebert hated it. Good to know.

The more I read, the more I have to stop, because spoilers everywhere. Guess I’ll just come back to that stuff in the Final Thoughts part. Damn it.

Oh, and this is pointedly meant for me: Corey Feldman (who I knew was in one of these films but not which one) and Crispin Glover (who I didn’t know was in this film or that he was in this franchise what so ever) both went on to act in films with Kiefer Sutherland in 1986. (Stand By Me and At Close Range, respectively.) I’ve never seen At Close Range but I know the two-bit part that wasn’t really a part was the reason Schumacher called Kiefer in to read for The Lost Boys.

AND THAT’S HOW YOU PLAY SIX DEGREES OF KEVIN BACON!!

Wait, where am I? Oh, right, Camp Crystal Lake! Here we go. Again. For the fourth time.

(Save me, Kevin Bacon! Save me!)

Important note! Remember, I am rolling over the body count from each of the previous films recapped, so that will be reflected in the counter and final tally.

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Posted in Friday the 13th movies, Let's Do It! recaps

Recap #115: Friday the 13th, Part III 3D

Title: Friday the 13th Part III-3D (Out of eleventy-billion, am I right?) [Wing: Pretty much.]

Summary: A carefree summer becomes a deadly nightmare for another group of naïve counselors who choose to ignore Camp Crystal Lake’s gruesome legacy. They find themselves in a bloody game of cat-and-mouse with the maniacal Jason who stalks their every move… and ruthlessly kills them off one-by-one. [Wing: Why do they keep going back? Why do they keep ignoring recent deaths? Why?]

Tagline: Meet Jason… In a whole new dimension!

Note: I know this says “in 3D”, but I am not watching it in 3D. Yeah, no. My eyeballs don’t like 3D.

Initial Thoughts

Well. Here I am. Again.

Fall, which was hot and weird for my region, not to mention choked with smoke from forest fires, is now sliding quickly towards Winter. Why not make myself all the more unhappy by watching yet another installment in the Friday the 13th series?!

I kid. I wouldn’t say snarkily recapping my way through a horror franchise makes me unhappy. But, man, after that last installment, I’m struggling with the stupidity of the writing and the glaring lack of Kevin Bacon.

Wait… when did Kevin freaking Bacon become my touchstone for this series? Dude’s character died in the first film, he’s not coming back! (Really, I’d rather watch him in Flatliners… maybe I should recap Flatliners at some point… uh, point of clarification: the ORIGINAL Flatliners.)

Let’s see, a bit of run down before we start in. The third film in the franchise was released August 13th, 1982 (ironically, that’s the month I’m wasn’t scheduled to post in, bummer) and I would have been about a year old, so I have no memory of this. [Wing: Boo, next time maybe we’ll switch up the posting schedule to hit something like that.]

It did well at the box office, no surprise.

Gleaning what I can from websites without being totally spoiled on a 35 year old film, this installment was the first to use a David Bowie song as its fake title during production, which also led to an “on-again, off-again tradition” of using Bowie songs for fake titles during production. Bowie was involved in everything, people, everything. Whether he knew it or not.

Oh, hell, let’s just start this recap, shall we?

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Posted in Snark at the Moon! recaps

Recap #102: Teen Wolf (1985)

Title: Teen Wolf (1985)

Summary: What’s a high school kid got to do to be popular? Just let down his hair and howl! Starring Michael J. Fox, Teen Wolf is an outrageous comedy about a shy teenager with more than a changing voice to contend with… he’s a budding young werewolf! And when his new-found powers help him score at basketball – and with the popular girls – he has some pretty hairy decisions to make.

Tagline: He always wanted to be special – but he never expected like this!

Note: I am watching the Bluray edition, which I don’t know why that matters but I’m still noting it. We’ll see how well the special effects hold up under the digital transfer. (Spoiler: they don’t.)

Initial Thoughts

Happy Beaver Moon, everyone! This is my half of the initial Snark At the Moon! recaps; Wing published a recap of The Howling on the Full Harvest Moon in October. There’s a reason she gave me the Beaver Moon… and not just because I reside in the Beaver State.

I am not unfamiliar to this film, or its sequel, Teen Wolf, Too. In fact, I am more partial to the cheesy story, bad acting, and over-all shameful antics of the sequel, probably because I had a crush on Jason Bateman for all of five minutes when I was 10. It was the movie character I had eyes for, really; I don’t think I ever watched the sitcom that made him famous back in the day. (Y’know, before Arrested Development revitalized his career.) Anyway.

Teen Wolf was released during the heady days of Michael J. Fox mania, which was already in full swing because of Family Ties and the release of Back to the Future in July of 1985. Again, I wasn’t exactly the target age group at the time, at least not in the sense of thinking him a teen heartthrob or some such. (I was 4 years old when this film hit theaters.) So I didn’t see it, properly, until several years out from its initial release. Nor was I really into werewolves. The sequel was more responsible for spurring that interest in weres, since I’m a vampire girl at heart. I think I also had trouble identifying with the story line that is steeped in popularity cliques, underage drinking/partying, and ‘fitting in’. Plus most of the film involves basketball, which is a sport and I have zero interest in those. (I only know what I know about boxing because, again, of the sequel. Being a super athlete with preternatural abilities is the driving story line in both films. At least Todd, Scott’s cousin, had brains to fall back on!)

Still, this film would trigger the sequel I’ve spent a lot of time talking about, a Saturday morning cartoon series, and a whole MTV scripted series “reboot” decades after its release (which was a whole other beast, honestly, but one I deeply loved, and I have FEELINGS now that it’s ended.) I’m sure it’s safe to say that Teen Wolf is embedded in collective pop culture memory for at least another couple decades.

[Wing: So, here’s the thing. I’d say it’s a secret, except I’ve mentioned it around here before: despite my well-known love of werewolves, I have never seen either of these movies or the cartoon series (and only season one and part of season two of the MTV reboot, which I mostly marathoned over a few days after my mom’s funeral, so don’t remember much about). How I missed this movie, when I love werewolves and horror and horror-comedy and Michael J. Fox? Who the fuck knows. But here I am, all these years later, finally remedying it. I’m so glad y’all are along for the ride.]

Okay, let’s just get to recapping, shall we.

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Posted in Nightmare on Elm Street movies

Recap #95: A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

Title: A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

Tagline: If Nancy doesn’t wake up screaming, she won’t wake up at all.

Summary: Several people are hunted by a cruel serial killer who kills his victims in their dreams. While the survivors are trying to find the reason for being chosen, the murderer won’t lose any chance to kill them as soon as they fall asleep. (from imdb.com)

Grade: A+

Notes: Be warned: I love this movie. I have watched it so often I know it by heart, I own the novelisations, I bought the VHS tapes separately, then in a box set. Then I bought the DVD set of movies 1-4; then the 1-5 box set; then the 1-6 box set; I spent a fortune hunting down Wes Craven’s New Nightmare on DVD (pre-Amazon era). Then I repeated this ridiculous process on Blu-Ray. I own, and frequently re-watch, Never Sleep Again, but I can’t get through I Am Nancy, which seems to just be Heather Langenkamp wandering around talking to Freddy fans. I have retained a lot of trivia, fan theories, alternate timelines (from the books), and my recaps will be filled to the hilt with this nonsense.

The only place where I draw the line is reading the original stories based on Freddy (official book releases). I’ll take (and love) Seven Sweetest Dreams (a compilation of short stories), but the thick, heavy books lose me every time. They’re just far too away from cannon – much like the TV series, which I have watched once from beginning to end, and several episodes more than once, but do not love, and cannot remember much about.

I haven’t read much of the comics, partly because they’re so expensive (to me) for a media type that doesn’t hold my interest. Partly because they’re still quite hard to come by. And if I’m going to get into a bidding war on eBay over something from the 80s, it’s going to be Gen 1 My Little Ponies.

[Wing: Surprise! Dove has returned to help us celebrate this year’s Halloween Extravaganza, and she brings a horror movie, all her nerdy trivia, and a hell of a lot of fun. I hope you all are as excited as I am about having her back for a very special recap.]

(Jude: Ah, so you’re the infamous Dove I’ve heard so much about. Hi! I’m Jude. And you better fasten your seatbelt because this ain’t gonna be no cakewalk! Among the famed slasher movie franchises, the Elm Street one became my go-to favorite. I watched the first (and some of the fourth) when I was 9. After spending four years horrified beyond belief by these movies I fell in love with them, but I still can’t really look at any pictures of Freddy Krueger where he’s looking RIGHT at you. I actually HAVE read the comics, but if you were to ask, I by far prefer the ones published by Innovation. The Avatar Comics were awful, and so were the Wildstorm ones. I was especially disappointed by the Freddy Vs Jason Vs Ash comics, if only because of what they did to Alice Johnson and Maggie Burroughs. However, you CAN read the Marvel and Innovation comics on nightmareonelmstreetfilms.com. I look forward to ruining-I mean, enhancing your post with my comments. Yes, enhance. I covered that up pretty good. BTW, one of the first entries I worked on for “If It Were Stine” was this movie.)

[Wing: Is it this one?]

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Posted in General

Halloween Extravaganza: How to Re-Halloween When You’ve Un-Halloweened Halloween (aka Donna’s list of Halloween feels)

I was born and raised in Connecticut. The only way I could get more New England is if I pahk the cah in Hahvahd Yahd. Which I don’t. I don’t paRk my caR anywhere near HaRvaRd YaRd because I always avoided driving in Massachusetts as much as possible. At least in the eastern portion of the state.

I’m used to four seasons even though I absolutely despised one of them and was allergic to another. Humidity always sucked but it was always a thing and I reveled in those days when the humidity dropped to like 50% and it didn’t feel like I was choking on my own lungs in the summer.

And then came September. One: The Big E. It’s the state fair to end all state fairs. Technically it’s a multi-state fair and you can eat your way through that states. And your pants. It’s glorious. Two: Autumn.

OMFG I love autumn. For about five weeks, from September through Halloween the weather is divine. Mid-70s to 60s during the day, 50s at night. Perfect for jeans and sweatshirts, drinking apple cider and eating apple everything and maybe a little bit of pumpkin (I’m not part of that cult). I put out Halloween decorations and carved the shit out of some pumpkins. I burned all the pumpkin spice Yankee Candles (I AM part of that cult) and I absolutely loved cuddling in on those crisp autumn nights and watching scary movies. It was all so perfect.

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Posted in General

Halloween Extravaganza: Jude’s Favorite Horror Flick Heroines and Villainesses

It’s time to put the WEEEEEEE back in HalloWEEEEEEEEN, so I’ve constructed a special article where I get to gush about my favorite heroines, villains, and secondary characters from horror films (including animated ones).

Why? Because I felt like it. I wanted to do something special for the holiday and I relish any chance I get to gush about why I love these characters the way I do. Plus it gives me a chance to show off some of my other commissions I wouldn’t normally get the chance to include in this website.

Some of the characters I get really in-depth on while others I only briefly discuss.

For the month, I will include 31 entries in this list. Some are shared by two or three characters, though, so I’m gonna cheat a little.

These are all characters who left an impact on me in some form or another, and on my writing and views of fiction in general. Admittedly, a lot of them are mothers and motherly figures. I guess I have a type.

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Posted in Snark at the Moon! recaps

Recap #94: The Howling (1981)

The Howling cover werewolf claws tearing through a solid sheet and a woman's screaming face behind itTitle: The Howling

Summary: After a bizarre and near fatal encounter with a serial killer, a television newswoman is sent to a remote mountain resort whose residents may not be what they seem.

Tagline: Imagine your worst fear a reality. [Wing: Worst fear. Right.] [Bat: Being a werewolf isn’t my worst fear…]

Initial Thoughts

This was baby!Wing’s first werewolf movie, her first horror movie, and I will forever love it for giving me all that it did: a love of werewolves, a love of horror movies, a love of dramatic full moon shots and cheesy dog and wolf puns and silver bullets, certain iconic images — I watched it at a fairly young age, despite the fact that neither of my parents like horror movies and we weren’t allowed to watch them growing up. [Bat: This explains SO. MUCH. I’ve known Wing ~20 years and now I understand the werewolf love all the better.]

My dad was a truck driver, and I often spent large chunks of my summer and holidays with him on the road. (Why I love road trips and driving to this day and can’t settle down in one place too long before I’m itching to leave and have an adventure.) One night, we had a break at a truck stop. I’m not sure how old I was. Maybe nine or ten? Eight or eleven? I’m not sure. Anyway, we were hanging out in the trucker’s lounge, and The Howling came on. My dad swears he doesn’t remember this at all, and probably he had fallen asleep, but I watched the entire movie, enthralled, and then when we headed out to the truck later, we had to walk through rows and rows of idling eighteen wheelers, and I kept picturing werewolves leaping from trailer to trailer. That thought still makes me catch my breath every time. [Bat: Why haven’t you written a long-haul werewolf trucker story, Wing?] [Wing: That is a very good question.]

Welcome to the first ever Snark at the Moon! recap. Every October and November, Bat and I will be recapping werewolf movies and the recaps will go live on the full moon. This year, October’s moon is the Harvest Moon, one of my favourites. (Why yes, I have a favourite full moon.) Take a look at it tonight, but keep an eye out for werewolves. You never know when you’re living a horror movie life.

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Posted in Friday the 13th movies, Let's Do It! recaps

Recap #87: Friday the 13th, Part 2!

cover image of Friday the 13th Part 2 with font in white on a black background. Red partially covers "Part 2"Title: Friday the 13th Part 2 (I guess we’re not into Roman numerals yet?) [Wing: Well, the cover image I have is into Roman numerals, but there are a bunch out there without it.]

Summary: Get ready for twice the terror with Friday the 13th Part 2: Deluxe Edition! Fives years after the massacre at Camp Crystal Lake, the nerve-wracking legend of Jason Voorhees and his diabolical mother lives on. Despite ominous warnings from the locals to stay away from “Camp Blood”, a group of counselors at a nearby summer camp decide to explore the area where seven people were brutally slaughtered. All too soon, they encounter horrors of their own and the killing begins again. You’ll be at the edge of your seat for this gruesome thriller about 24 hours of bone-chilling fear!

Tagline: 2x The Fear… 2x The Carnage… 2x The Terror! [Wing: By god, the tagline on the cover version I have is so freaking much better, and it is boring as hell: The body count continues…] [Virgin: Clearly, the creativity died with the first installment, Wing.]

Note: I don’t honestly know what’s actually “deluxe” about this version, but thank Odin it’s not the damn uncut version! Finally, a break!

Initial Thoughts

Oh, I got a whole bunch!

Firstly: this is supposed to take place five years after the first Friday the 13th but in fact was released in reality April 30th, 1981. Yeah, this happened a lot with movies, jumping forward in time as opposed to staying current with the period of release, but still. That’s frustrating.

Also, way to release it on Walpurgisnacht! (Google it, kids.)

Secondly, this film is as old as I am. Wild.

Thirdly: is there a state comprised of nothing but summer camps, each spaced five miles down the road from one another? Is it somewhere in Maine? Are they secretly run by Stephen King? Because, damn. I know, and maybe this isn’t true but it seems to be, that summer camps are/were a big thing in the Northeast, because you’re all crammed in like sardines in the concrete jungle back there. (Greetings from the open spaces of the wild, wild West!) I know we have camps here; in another life I was a participant in Camp Fire and took a couple trips to Camp Namanu, which had a pond full of salamanders but it wasn’t a proper *lake*. (The salamanders succeeded in making us scream, holding onto our oars as we rowed the tiny canoe around. We were suburban-dwellers not good with nature, okay.) I think the scariest thing that ever happened on any of those trips was when the rope snapped while we were climbing a trail up the side of a mountain and then that morning when we weren’t allowed outside the cabin because the caretaker’s dog had died outside the front door and the adults didn’t want us to see the corpse.

Really, putting a dozen pre-teen girls in a giant cabin is a far scarier situation then being stalked by a deranged killer. I’m not sure how I survived. Oh, wait, I am Virgin! I always survive camp!

Now that I have completely finished digressing! In reality, I am picking this recap up not long after viewing Friday the 13th, but you readers won’t be reading this until, uh, September? So just pretend that there’s not a giant gap (ha ha! I’ve time-jumped, like the film has! See what I did there?) and let’s see if I can play “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon” with any of the cast members.

Still can’t believe he was in the first film. Seriously.

Important note! Remember, I am rolling over the body count from the first film, so that will be reflected in the counter and final tally.

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Posted in Friday the 13th movies, Let's Do It! recaps

Recap #68: Friday the 13th (Uncut Deluxe Edition)

Cover of Friday the 13th the deluxe edition

Title: Friday the 13th – Uncut Deluxe Edition

Summary: RIP into a chilling new UNCUT DELUXE EDITION of Friday the 13th. With the addition of unrated footage, and insightful specials features, plunge deeper into the film that spawned eleven sequels and the genre’s unstoppable bad guy, Jason Voorhees. A new owner and several young counselors gather to reopen Camp Crystal Lake, where a young boy drowned and several vicious murders occurred years earlier. They’ve ignored the locals’ warnings that the place has a death curse… and one by one they find out how unlucky Friday the 13th can be as they are stalked by a violent killer. [Wing: They are really trying hard with that first sentence.]

Tagline: Fridays will never be the same again.

Note: The library didn’t have a copy of the DVD I was looking for but it did have the UNCUT version. Am I going to regret this? Probably.

Initial Thoughts

As a child born right smack at the beginning of the 80s, I have failed to see most of the classic 80s horror films that were big franchises while I was growing up. Has this kept me alive? As a “horror virgin”, I’d like to think so. [Wing: I’m grateful you are now risking death just to recap for us, Virgin.]

It’s difficult to tell people yes, I know you’re making a reference, but to what I don’t know. I know Jason is the killer dude in this series; I know Mike Meyers is in Halloween (which, ironically, I have seen the first and third installments of that series, but none of the rest or the reboots), and there was apparently a chainsaw massacre in Texas, but again I haven’t seen that, either.

Somehow I have seen three of the Child’s Play films. God, I hate Chucky.

Look, I love vampires and am generally desensitized to horror stuff, so it’ll be interesting to see not only how this film has aged but if it actually unsettles me in any shape or form.

That’s pretty damn hard for things to do at this point. (Event Horizon is, what, 20 years old but that one scared the shit out of me. And I don’t think I’ve watched it again since I saw it in 1997.) Pretty sure this recap is going to be 99% snark. I will try not to judge it too harshly on its age, as I know I’m viewing it 37 years after its release and a lot has changed in the horror genre since then. But I will be brutal when necessary.

I’m already pre-regretting settling for the “uncut” version of this, because I’ve had run-ins with “uncut” versions. Mostly good but some bad, and some scarred me for life. (True Romance uncut director’s version, I am looking at you. You fucked me up when I was 13.) Oh well, gotta work with what you’re given… or find at the library, I guess.

Oh, and what the hell do you mean there are ELEVEN MORE OF THESE? Shit. What have I gotten myself into…

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