Posted in Nightmare Hall recaps

Recap #258: Nightmare Hall #16: Book of Horrors by Diane Hoh

cover of Nightmare Hall Book of Horrors by Diane HohTitle: Nightmare Hall 16: Book of Horrors by Diane Hoh

Summary: Horror book author Victoria McCoy, the new Salem writer-in-residence, knows how to make horror come to life. So Reed is thrilled when McCoy hires her as her new assistant…until she finds out that McCoy’s previous assistants have all disappeared.

Then frightening things start happening to Reed…things straight out of McCoy’s famous horror books.

And McCoy’s next tale of terror has an ending worse than Reed’s worst nightmares.

Initial Thoughts

Apparently Kindle Unlimited doesn’t have #15 Truth or Die, so we’re going to skip straight on to Book of Horrors. I know nothing about this book. I don’t think I’ve read it before, and if I have, I don’t remember a goddamn thing about it.

Randomly, I’m playing 5 Seconds of Summer “Teeth” on repeat while writing this. Not because it has anything to do with the story, I have no idea at this point, but because I sometimes obsess over a song and listen to it for hours, days, weeks at a time. My brain is so much fun. Honestly, this is one of the least terrible things it does to me.

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Posted in Nightmare Hall recaps

Recap #246: Nightmare Hall 14: The Initiation by Diane Hoh

Cover for Nightmare Hall 14 - The Initiation by Diane HohTitle: Nightmare Hall 14: The Initiation by Diane Hoh

Summary: Joining the Others, a group of outcasts whom she thinks are just lonely students like herself, Salem University freshman Molly Keene realizes that there is something very wrong about the group, but finds there is only one way to leave it.

Initial Thoughts

I’m excited to pick up recapping Nightmare Hall, though I’m not nearly as informed about the history of the books, ghost writers, etc., as Dade was, alas. The Initiation is not one of the Nightmare Hall books I read growing up, and in retrospect, that’s a very good thing, because I hated it, thanks, good times.

Read on to see why, I guess. Or save yourself. Whichever you prefer. Insert evil cackle here.

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Posted in Snark at the Moon! recaps

Recap #241: Skinwalkers (2006)

Skinwalkers coverTitle: Skinwalkers (2006)

Summary: A 12 year old boy and his mother become the targets of two warring werewolf packs, each with different intentions and motives. [Wing: Man, that is a boring summary, if truthful.] [bat: It’s pretty… lame.]

Tagline: For them to live, we must die. OR They hunt us. [Wing: The first one is better. Sort of. It’s still a lie, though. They don’t have to kill us, they simply choose to. Some of them, at least.]

Initial Thoughts

I’ve watched this before, but not for many years, and I’ve forgotten pretty much everything that happens during it. I don’t even remember all the characters, so this will almost be a brand-new experience for me.

[bat: I’ve never seen this. I vaguely remember it being released; I have a weird penchant for knowing all kinds of things about films but never actually seeing them. But I don’t know if it was because I think of “skinwalkers” as being something different in the supernatural sense from werewolves, if that was the reason I passed on it, or if it was because it just didn’t sound good. Oh well, watching it now!]

And of course, this is my favourite time of year. Roll on Snark at the Moon 2019 and welcome to the Hunters’ Moon!

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Posted in Friday the 13th movies, Let's Do It! recaps

Friday the 13th Rewind! Celebration

Cover of Friday the 13th the deluxe edition cover image of Friday the 13th Part 2 with font in white on a black background. Red partially covers "Part 2" 

 

Happy Friday the 13th! And full Harvest Moon in my time zone. To celebrate, we’re going to do a quick rewind to all the recaps our beloved Virgin has done as she makes her way through the series for the first time.

  • Friday the 13th: Damn it, I bet on the wrong horse! Alice, you survived! Congratulations! You win… a lifetime’s supply of nightmares and trauma counseling! Crystal Lake Body Count: 9.5
  • Friday the 13th Part 2: Wow. Not only did I hate this movie more then I imagined I would but way more people survived! That’s like some kind of record! Ted, because he stayed at the bar to get plastered, the Token Black Character, several unnamed women, and trucker hat guy all survived Jason. Astonishing! [Wing: Mostly because we barely saw them.] [Virgin: Clearly the lesson here is the less screen time, the better your chances of survival!] Crystal Lake Body Count: 18.5
  • Friday the 13th Part 3 3D: The Crystal Lake Body Count skyrocketed, with the addition of the biker gang. Though I’m pretty sure Pointless Foreshadowing For Fun and Profit is still in the lead. There was so much of that in this film. I need to set my expectations bar underground, I guess, because I can see most of it coming a mile away. Crystal Lake Body Count: 31.5
  • Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter: A pre-emptive cheering, because GET OFF YOUR ASS AND KILL THESE TWO ALREADY, JASON. I don’t want to watch this! Crystal Lake Body Count: 46 (* I added one for Mrs Jarvis, even though her body was never seen onscreen.)
  • Friday the 13th: A New Beginning:In the distance, another flashlight is seen through the trees and voices; someone’s out looking for Tommy. Seeing them, Tommy bolts back the way he came, hiding in the bushes. Okay, no! They weren’t looking for Tommy!TWO MORONS JUST CAME SEEKING JASON’S GRAVE, ARMED WITH SHOVELS. Crystal Lake Body Count: 67
  • Friday the 13th Part VI Jason Lives: Sure enough, as soon as Tommy and Allen are clear, with Tommy working to open the gas can, A GIANT BOLT OF LIGHTNING STRIKES THE METAL POLE EMBEDDED IN JASON’S REMAINS, SETTING OFF A HUGE SERIES OF SPARKS. In a clearly 80s way, the animated lighting illuminates the corpse and hockey mask. Crystal Lake Body Count: 84

Good times all around. Except for poor Virgin who is inflicting this series upon herself for the very first time and doesn’t have the nostalgia to carry her through the cheesy, terrible sequels. Thanks again, Virgin! We can’t wait for your next recap.

Friday the 13th The Final ChapterFriday 13th New Beginning Part V 1985Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)

 

Posted in Other Recaps

Recap #238: The Last Vampire #8 | Thirst #4: The Shadow of Death by Christopher Pike (Part Four)

Cover of The Last Vampire #8 | Thirst #4 Shadow of Death by Christopher Pike
The Last Vampire #8 | Thirst #4 Shadow of Death by Christopher Pike

Title: The Last Vampire #8 | Thirst #4: The Shadow of Death

Summary: I have returned to life, but it’s to a suddenly lonely world.

Alisa is a five-thousand-year-old vampire, stronger and more cunning than her adversaries. But now she’s trapped in the body of a newborn vampire and at the mercy of a terrible thirst. Worst of all, she’s facing enemies whose fierce desire for domination grows ever stronger. The immortal race the Telar is threatening to release a virus to decimate humanity. But Alisa and her friends can’t take down the Telar on their own, and they must turn to the mysterious organisation the IIC for help. But the IIC has secrets of its own and may have ulterior motives. With two rivals and no one to trust, Alisa must rely on her dark side to defeat them. But it could cost her life, or her soul… [Wing: How many goddamn times is she going to die?]

Tagline: Tortured Soul. Final Judgment. [Wing: Yeah, right. I’ll believe this is the end when I see it.]

Initial Thoughts

Previously on Sita and Friends Try to Save the World By Killing People, Sita’s using the IIC’s Array, and specifically their extra powerful Cradle, to destroy the Telar before the Telar can release a virus on the world. Sita does this by infecting everyone at the IIC with the virus. Oh, Sita.

And now we are on the final recap of this book. Pike’s writing works much, much better in shorter chunks. Which you get in the recaps, but I’m writing them all in one big chunk over about a week (which is a real damn long time for me to write a recap, I have to say, normally I can get them out in a few hours), and I am tired of this book. And there’s still one more to go.

Don’t get me wrong. I am still glad to have more books in the series, to see what Pike wanted to do with the rest of Sita’s story, but it’s weird and weirder than the series used to be and looooooooooooooooong.

Note from the future: At the end of part three, I was sad I didn’t enjoy the book as a whole even though parts of it were great. I HATE EVERYTHING BY THE END OF THIS ONE.

This might be a good time to hit up the official Wing Drinking Game. Or not, because you might die.

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Posted in Other Recaps

Recap #236: The Last Vampire #8 | Thirst #4: The Shadow of Death by Christopher Pike (Part Three)

Cover of The Last Vampire #8 | Thirst #4 Shadow of Death by Christopher Pike
The Last Vampire #8 | Thirst #4 Shadow of Death by Christopher Pike

Title: The Last Vampire #8 | Thirst #4: The Shadow of Death

Summary: I have returned to life, but it’s to a suddenly lonely world.

Alisa is a five-thousand-year-old vampire, stronger and more cunning than her adversaries. But now she’s trapped in the body of a newborn vampire and at the mercy of a terrible thirst. Worst of all, she’s facing enemies whose fierce desire for domination grows ever stronger. The immortal race the Telar is threatening to release a virus to decimate humanity. But Alisa and her friends can’t take down the Telar on their own, and they must turn to the mysterious organisation the IIC for help. But the IIC has secrets of its own and may have ulterior motives. With two rivals and no one to trust, Alisa must rely on her dark side to defeat them. But it could cost her life, or her soul… [Wing: How many goddamn times is she going to die?]

Tagline: Tortured Soul. Final Judgment. [Wing: Yeah, right. I’ll believe this is the end when I see it.]

Initial Thoughts

Previously on Sita-has-a-new-body-and-the-world-may-end-soon-whoops: Sita was in Teri’s body. Sita’s back in Sita’s body. Teri’s body is dead. The Telar want to use a virus to end the world. The IIC wants to use their Array to at least control the world and possibly end it. Sita’s off to IIC to try to blackmail and bribe them into being used to take out the Telar. Good times, good times.

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Posted in Other Recaps

Recap #233: The Last Vampire #8 | Thirst #4: The Shadow of Death by Christopher Pike (Part Two)

Cover of The Last Vampire #8 | Thirst #4 Shadow of Death by Christopher Pike
The Last Vampire #8 | Thirst #4 Shadow of Death by Christopher Pike

Title: The Last Vampire #8 | Thirst #4: The Shadow of Death (Chapters 8-14)

Summary: I have returned to life, but it’s to a suddenly lonely world.

Alisa is a five-thousand-year-old vampire, stronger and more cunning than her adversaries. But now she’s trapped in the body of a newborn vampire and at the mercy of a terrible thirst. Worst of all, she’s facing enemies whose fierce desire for domination grows ever stronger. The immortal race the Telar is threatening to release a virus to decimate humanity. But Alisa and her friends can’t take down the Telar on their own, and they must turn to the mysterious organisation the IIC for help. But the IIC has secrets of its own and may have ulterior motives. With two rivals and no one to trust, Alisa must rely on her dark side to defeat them. But it could cost her life, or her soul… [Wing: How many goddamn times is she going to die?]

Tagline: Tortured Soul. Final Judgment. [Wing: Yeah, right. I’ll believe this is the end when I see it.]

Initial Thoughts

Previously on Sita-has-a-new-body-and-the-world-may-end-soon, well, that pretty much says it all. Basically, half the team is off trying to come up with an actual working cure for that Telar virus that the Telar might use to end the world and half of them are off trying to learn more about the IIC and their Array which the IIC might use to end the world. Sita hopes to make the IIC an ally instead. Matt thinks that’s a terrible idea. I bet you can see who is leading which sub-team.

And away we go, picking up right where we left off, looking for Frederick, Freddy, who can tell them more about the Array and the newly mentioned Cradle.

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Posted in Sweet Valley recaps

Recap #232: Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #3: The Carnival Ghost

Sweet Valley Twins Super Chillers 3 The Carnival Ghost by Francine Pascal
Sweet Valley Twins Super Chillers 3 The Carnival Ghost by Francine Pascal

Title: The Carnival Ghost

Tagline: Elizabeth meets a mysterious new friend!

Summary: Is Claire a girl… or a ghost?

A travelling carnival is on its way to Sweet Valley and Jessica and Elizabeth can’t wait to ride on the roller coaster, have their fortunes told, and try their luck at the games. But when they get there some odd things happen to the twins. A fortune-teller warns Jessica to stay away from the carnival. And a mysterious girl named Claire seems to appear out of nowhere and suddenly becomes best friends with Elizabeth.

Elizabeth is strangely drawn to Claire. She begins to ignore her friends, her chores, and even her sister to spend time with her new friend. It’s as if she’s under an evil spell… a spell no one, not even Jessica, can break. And if her twin is in danger, how can Jessica help her?

Initial Thoughts

I have been looking forward to this book for so, so long. Dove may have sold me on giving Sweet Valley as a whole a try because she promised me werewolves in books to come (much, much later), but she sold me on Sweet Valley Twins specifically because there are supernatural books. We’ve had a couple, and they’ve been fun, but this one is right in my sweet spot: potential ghost, travelling carnival, roller coasters, fortune tellers, mysterious new girls. I cannot wait.

And, finally, I don’t have to wait. I predict this will be a wild ride. Good or bad? We’ll see.

[Dove: First off, apologies for the tardiness of mine and Raven’s comments. Second of all: BEST SWEET VALLEY BOOK EVER. EVER. EVER.]

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Posted in Other Recaps

Recap #230: The Last Vampire #8 | Thirst #4: The Shadow of Death by Christopher Pike (Part One)

Cover of The Last Vampire #8 | Thirst #4 Shadow of Death by Christopher Pike
The Last Vampire #8 | Thirst #4 Shadow of Death by Christopher Pike

Title: The Last Vampire #8 | Thirst #4: The Shadow of Death (Chapters 1 -7)

Summary: I have returned to life, but it’s to a suddenly lonely world.

Alisa is a five-thousand-year-old vampire, stronger and more cunning than her adversaries. But now she’s trapped in the body of a newborn vampire and at the mercy of a terrible thirst. Worst of all, she’s facing enemies whose fierce desire for domination grows ever stronger. The immortal race the Telar is threatening to release a virus to decimate humanity. But Alisa and her friends can’t take down the Telar on their own, and they must turn to the mysterious organisation the IIC for help. But the IIC has secrets of its own and may have ulterior motives. With two rivals and no one to trust, Alisa must rely on her dark side to defeat them. But it could cost her life, or her soul… [Wing: How many goddamn times is she going to die?]

Tagline: Tortured Soul. Final Judgment. [Wing: Yeah, right. I’ll believe this is the end when I see it.]

Initial Thoughts

Yet another one I’ve never read before and after the end of the last one, The Eternal Dawn, I’m not exactly looking forward to this one because W T F PIKE?! In case you have blocked this from your mind, I’ll sum up: Alisa. is in. someone else’s. body. Teri’s body. Teri her granddaughter-with-too-many-greats-to-count’s body. YUP.

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Posted in Other Recaps

Recap #196: Spellbound by Christopher Pike

Spellbound by Christopher Pike
Spellbound by Christopher Pike

Title: Spellbound by Christopher Pike

Summary: No one knew how the girl had died.

They found Karen Holly in the mountain stream, her skull crushed. There was only one witness to the tragedy, Karen’s boyfriend, Jason Whitfield. He said a grizzly had killed her. But a lot of people didn’t believe him. They thought Jason had murdered her in a fit of rage.

And now weeks have passed, and Jason has another girlfriend, Cindy Jones. And there are the new kids in town, Joni Harper, the quiet English beauty that Cindy’s brother, Alex, cannot get out of his mind. And Bala, the foreign exchange student from Africa, the grandson of a powerful shaman.

Together they will return to the place where Karen was killed.

Some will die.

The others will come face to face with a horror beyond imagining.

Tagline: You can close your eyes….It won’t help. [Wing: Except, spoilers, that’s exactly what it does.]

Initial Thoughts

This is one of my favourite Pike books, though not my absolute favourite. There are monstrous women and full moons and hunger, and it is all pretty great — except for that girls fighting over boys and boys fighting over girls and racism everywhere. /o\

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Posted in Snark at the Moon! recaps

Recap #190: Cursed (2005)

Title: Cursed (2005)

Summary: A werewolf loose in Los Angeles changes the lives of three young adults who, after being mauled by the beast, learn that the only way to break the curse put upon them is to kill the one who started it all! [Wing: There is so much wrong with this summary.] [bat: It didn’t sell me on watching it, that’s for sure.]

Tagline: Beware the full moon. [Wing: So simple. So cheesy. So perfect.] [bat: Sometimes the simplest things are the best things.]

Initial Thoughts

This movie is kind of terrible and a whole lot ridiculous and I love it so, so much. Unrated version all the way, so you know. [bat: UNRATED VERSION IS TRUE CANON; IGNORE THE STUPID RATED VERSION!]

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Posted in General

Halloween Extravaganza!: Wing’s Fave 5 NoSleep Stories

Wing’s Fave 5 NoSleep Stories

We’re back with Halloween Extravaganza 2018! I love horror stories and NoSleep has some great ones. Here are my fave 5 in no particular order, except that Down in the Library Basement is my #1.

Down in the Library Basement by u/sleepyhollow_101

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

There’s something in the library basement and a fill-in librarian goes on an adventure.

Etch-E-Sketch by u/Midnight Writings

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

Big sister struggles to bond with little brother until things with his daycare teacher go terribly wrong.

Life On an Outback Cattle Station by u/CreepyAus

Index and final part

Australia is creepy as shit.

I Work as a Wilderness Guide by u/goldvine_throwaway

I Work as a Wilderness Guide

Be careful who you trust to take you into the wilderness.

Search and Rescue by u/searchandrescuewoods

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8

The woods are creepy as shit.

Posted in Other Recaps

Recap #173: The Last Vampire 7 | Thirst 3: The Eternal Dawn by Christopher Pike

The Eternal Dawn by Christopher Pike
The Eternal Dawn by Christopher Pike

Title: The Eternal Dawn by Christopher Pike

Summary: Alisa has spent the past five thousand years as a vampire, living alone and fighting for survival. In her loneliness, Alisa cannot resist bringing Teri—a descendant of her human family—into her life. But Alisa is surrounded by death and destruction, and just by knowing Alisa, Teri’s life is at risk.

Alisa’s guilt grows when she becomes involved in a dangerous conspiracy. A top-secret group knows Alisa’s secret and will stop at nothing to use her powers for their cause. As Alisa desperately tries to protect herself and Teri from the unknown enemy, she discovers a force more powerful and more lethal than anything she has ever seen. Alisa doesn’t know who to trust, who to challenge, or who she will become….

Tagline: Reckless Behavior. Endless Pursuit.

Initial Thoughts

Oh god, y’all, this book alone is at least the same length of any three previous books, if not longer. I have no idea how I’m going to break up these last books. There’s no way I can do a normal recap at that length, but if I do a set number of chapters each month, I’ll be recapping them all of next year, too, and I’m really looking forward to recapping Monster and Spellbound and Scavenger Hunt at the end of this year. So we’ll see what happens.

[Wing: Note from the future. I just dove in and recapped the entire thing, so … it’s long. I may split up the next one, or put it off until the new year, or something, I don’t even know. It’s so long, y’all. The book. This recap. Oh god.]

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Posted in Other Recaps

Recap #162: The Last Vampire #6: Creatures of Forever by Christopher Pike

Last Vampire 6: Creatures of Forever by Christopher Pike
Last Vampire 6: Creatures of Forever by Christopher Pike

Title: The Last Vampire #6: Creatures of Forever by Christopher Pike

Summary: Alisa has fought every battle, against evil, against hate, and even against death itself. Now she nears the end of her incredibly long life and another unexpected force emerges to destroy her, or perhaps save her. But this force… is unlike anything she has experienced before. It seems to emerge from another place, another world, where demons are potential saviors and the future of mankind is already wrapped in the ash of a forsaken hell. This force, these strange beings, present Alisa with hard choices. To save herself, or to save others and risk losing even her own soul. These beings push alias into a place where even the perfect fear to tread.

Tagline: Now heaven spoke to her … and hell.

Initial Thoughts

Once again, none of this seems familiar enough that I think I’ve read it before, and yet it sort of does at the same time. This was the last one published in the 90s, and I can’t actually imagine I wouldn’t have finished the series, but the past couple have felt familiar only in very small ways, so … I have no idea if I’ve read this before or not.

Doesn’t really matter, we’re going to have a wild time of it.

ALISA GODDAMN BEST IN THE WORLD PERN, THIS IS YOUR LIFE.

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Posted in Jurassic Park movies

Recap #159: Jurassic Park (1993)

Jurassic Park 25th anniversary
Jurassic Park 25th anniversary

Title: Jurassic Park (1993)

Summary: Genetically engineered dinosaurs run amok at a tycoon’s island amusement park.

Tagline: An adventure 65 million years in the making

Initial Thoughts

TWENTY-FIVE YEARS AGO I GOT THE GREATEST GIFT: JURASSIC PARK.

Of all the things I’ve recapped that I love, this may be the one I love most. Yes, even more than The Howling which was my very first werewolf movie and therefore will always have a fond spot in my heart. Jurassic Park has been a huge part of my life since it came out; my dad was a truck driver, and I spent summers on the road with him. The summer the movie came out, I read Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton, and I used to daydream about seeing dinosaurs running alongside the big truck, crossing fields and mountains. When I was in high school, one of my favourite concert season included playing the Jurassic Park score. (A friend of mine played the oboe, and it was one of the most haunting and beautiful bits of music I’ve ever heard.) To this day, a hint of the theme song can make me verklempt.

I love the entire original trilogy completely unironically, but Jurassic Park remains my most beloved. You’ve been warned. This is maybe less of a recap and more an explosion of feelings.

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Posted in Other Recaps

Recap #155: The Last Vampire #5: Evil Thirst by Christopher Pike

Last Vampire 5: Evil Thirst by Christopher Pike
Last Vampire 5: Evil Thirst by Christopher Pike

Title: Last Vampire #5: Evil Thirst by Christopher Pike

Summary: Alisa’s daughter, Kalika, a bloodthirsty monster with powers far beyond Alisa’s, is gone. It is Alisa’s task to track her down and destroy her.

Yet Alisa still has trouble believing her daughter is totally evil. She still hopes to save Kalika, even if it means risking her own life—and perhaps the lives of everyone in the world.

Tagline: She had the power of a demon.

Initial Thoughts

I’ve been thinking about it, and I could have sworn I’ve read this one, too, but again, I have no recollection of what happened or where this is going. Also, I’m about to do some travelling and so have been writing a bunch of recaps so I can schedule them before I go; if I sound weird in this one, that’s probably why. Finally, I hope I don’t have to type that title too often, because I’ve already typoed it as Evil Thirsty. Twice.

Again, that cover looks super familiar, so if I haven’t read it, I must have owned it, but if I owned it, I would have read it — my brain my brain my brain.

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Posted in Other Recaps

Recap #147: The Last Vampire #4: Phantom by Christopher Pike

Last Vampire 4 Phantom by Christopher Pike
Last Vampire 4 Phantom by Christopher Pike

Title: Last Vampire #4: Phantom by Christopher Pike

Summary: After five thousand years she was again mortal.

The dead alchemist’s experiment has worked. Alisa is no longer a vampire, but a frail and confused human. Not only that — she is pregnant. The baby grows in her at supernatural speed. As the stranger watches. The stranger from the past.

But what child will Alisa’s seed produce?

A demon or an angel? Alisa does not know.

But the stranger does. He nows everything that ever was.

And he knows everything that is to be.

Tagline: The monster might be an angel.

Initial Thoughts

Again, I remember nothing about this book, though I’m almost certain I read it. (It’s possible I didn’t, but I know I read book #3, even though I didn’t remember anything about it, either, and there’s very little chance I didn’t pick up the next book after that cliffhanger.) If the trend from the earlier books continues, this will be weirder and more entertaining than ever. (Also, I remember this cover, if nothing else about the damn story.

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