Recap #240: Graveyard School Final 2 Countdown: #20 – Creature Teacher by Tom B. Stone by Jude Deluca
17
Sep 2019
Creature Teacher Cover by Mark Nagata
Title: Graveyard School #20 – “Creature Teacher,” a.k.a. “The One Where Nola Thacker Apologizes For ‘Let’s Scare The Teacher To Death'”
Author: Tom B. Stone, a.k.a. Nola Thacker, a.k.a. D.E. Athkins
Cover Artist: Mark Nagata
Summary: A for Awesome. B. for Beautiful. C for Cool. D for… DEAD!
She’s so sweet. So nice. So different from the other monstrous teachers at Graveyard School. Everyone likes Ms. King, the substitute teacher. Even Bentley – who doesn’t like any teacher. But one day Bentley discovers something about Ms. King. Something awful. Something scary. And now he might have to stay after school. Forever!
Initial Thoughts
It’s back to school time and we’ve returned to the hallowed halls of Graveyard School after a four month summer break. Here we are with the penultimate “Graveyard School” recap and I’m still not over the departure of Jordie Flanders-DON’T LOOK AT ME.
This is the only other book in the series you could consider a sort of sequel, even though it’s not a direct follow-up to Bent’s previous time as the protagonist. It does deliberately mention the events of “Let’s Scare The Teacher To Death” but not enough to spoil the twist for those who hadn’t read it.
Despite Jordie’s prominent role in the last book, she’s nowhere to be found in here. That sort of makes sense if we’re considering she’s been keeping her distance from Bent and no longer wants anything to do with him. However, Thacker does her best to sort of give Bent… CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. He’s nowhere near as frustrating as he was in book #8, and whether or not this was Thacker consciously realizing he was too unlikable or accidental, I don’t know.
However, this is the only time you could legitimately call Dr. Morthouse the villain of the story. While she’s always lurked as a threatening background presence, she’s never flat out been the direct antagonist before this one.
[Wing: I’M NOT READY FOR THIS TO END. #resurrectgraveyardschool2019]
OMG! What happens next??? Read on…
Category: Graveyard School recaps
FollowTropes: Continuity? Fuck that shit, Dun-Dun-DUNNNNN!, Gimme a blindfold and some stupidity, Mental health: with tact and sensitivity, Oh you wacky kids with your hi-jinks and your pranks, pointless foreshadowing for fun and profit, This place deserves a lawsuit, Well that escalated quickly
2 victims
13
Sep 2019
Happy Friday the 13th! And full Harvest Moon in my time zone. To celebrate, we’re going to do a quick rewind to all the recaps our beloved Virgin has done as she makes her way through the series for the first time.
- Friday the 13th: Damn it, I bet on the wrong horse! Alice, you survived! Congratulations! You win… a lifetime’s supply of nightmares and trauma counseling! Crystal Lake Body Count: 9.5
- Friday the 13th Part 2: Wow. Not only did I hate this movie more then I imagined I would but way more people survived! That’s like some kind of record! Ted, because he stayed at the bar to get plastered, the Token Black Character, several unnamed women, and trucker hat guy all survived Jason. Astonishing! [Wing: Mostly because we barely saw them.] [Virgin: Clearly the lesson here is the less screen time, the better your chances of survival!] Crystal Lake Body Count: 18.5
- Friday the 13th Part 3 3D: The Crystal Lake Body Count skyrocketed, with the addition of the biker gang. Though I’m pretty sure Pointless Foreshadowing For Fun and Profit is still in the lead. There was so much of that in this film. I need to set my expectations bar underground, I guess, because I can see most of it coming a mile away. Crystal Lake Body Count: 31.5
- Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter: A pre-emptive cheering, because GET OFF YOUR ASS AND KILL THESE TWO ALREADY, JASON. I don’t want to watch this! Crystal Lake Body Count: 46 (* I added one for Mrs Jarvis, even though her body was never seen onscreen.)
- Friday the 13th: A New Beginning:In the distance, another flashlight is seen through the trees and voices; someone’s out looking for Tommy. Seeing them, Tommy bolts back the way he came, hiding in the bushes. Okay, no! They weren’t looking for Tommy!TWO MORONS JUST CAME SEEKING JASON’S GRAVE, ARMED WITH SHOVELS. Crystal Lake Body Count: 67
- Friday the 13th Part VI Jason Lives: Sure enough, as soon as Tommy and Allen are clear, with Tommy working to open the gas can, A GIANT BOLT OF LIGHTNING STRIKES THE METAL POLE EMBEDDED IN JASON’S REMAINS, SETTING OFF A HUGE SERIES OF SPARKS. In a clearly 80s way, the animated lighting illuminates the corpse and hockey mask. Crystal Lake Body Count: 84
Good times all around. Except for poor Virgin who is inflicting this series upon herself for the very first time and doesn’t have the nostalgia to carry her through the cheesy, terrible sequels. Thanks again, Virgin! We can’t wait for your next recap.
Category: Friday the 13th movies, Let's Do It! recaps
12
Sep 2019
One Day at HorrorLand Cover by Tim Jacobus
Title: Goosebumps #16 – “One Day at HorrorLand,” a.k.a “TW: Pinching”
Author: R.L. Stine
Cover Artist: Tim Jacobus
Tagline: Enter, if you dare…
Summary: The Next Ride Might Be Their Last…
Lizzy’s family got lost trying to find Zoo Gardens Theme Park. But that’s okay. They found another theme park instead.
In HorrorLand there are no crowds. No lines. And the admission is free. It seems like a pretty cool place.
But there was before Lizzy’s heart-stopping ride on the deadly Doom Slide. And that terrifying experience in the House of Mirrors.
Because there’s something weird about the rides in HorrorLand.
Something a little too creepy.
A little too real…
Initial Thoughts
I started the draft for this recap TWO YEARS AGO when I first began writing for Point Horror. I never finished it because there never seemed to be an appropriate time for it, until now with the amusement park and vampire theme I tried to set up for August.
Wing because I know you better now I have to warn you there’s mention of spiders near the end of the book.
This has been one of my favorite books in the original series for as long as I can remember, because I love the concept of HorrorLand. I love it when Stine tries to establish there’s an entire world in his books even though it’s unlikely they’ll be visited again, because it leaves me wanting more. Surprisingly, this book has received a lot of attention over the years. It got a sequel in the 2000 series, a two-episode TV adaption, a board game, a computer game sequel, a graphic novel adaption by JILL FREAKING THOMPSON, a video game adaptation for the PS2 and the Nintendo Wii, AND an entire spin-off series (which was admittedly lackluster). [Wing: Well damn, that’s a lot! I don’t think I’ve read/seen/played this one before, so this should be fun.]
OMG! What happens next??? Read on…
Category: Goosebumps RecapsTropes: DED FROM STUPID, Gimme a blindfold and some stupidity, He's dead! He's dead! HE'S FUCKING DEAD! ... oh wait he survived, Mwahahahaha!, My that's awfully convenient, Oh you wacky kids with your hi-jinks and your pranks, Roses are red Violets are blue I'm going to fucking kill you, This recap is sponsored by the WWE, Well that escalated quickly, World of fail
Recap #238: The Last Vampire #8 | Thirst #4: The Shadow of Death by Christopher Pike (Part Four) by Wing
5
Sep 2019
The Last Vampire #8 | Thirst #4 Shadow of Death by Christopher Pike
Title: The Last Vampire #8 | Thirst #4: The Shadow of Death
Summary: I have returned to life, but it’s to a suddenly lonely world.
Alisa is a five-thousand-year-old vampire, stronger and more cunning than her adversaries. But now she’s trapped in the body of a newborn vampire and at the mercy of a terrible thirst. Worst of all, she’s facing enemies whose fierce desire for domination grows ever stronger. The immortal race the Telar is threatening to release a virus to decimate humanity. But Alisa and her friends can’t take down the Telar on their own, and they must turn to the mysterious organisation the IIC for help. But the IIC has secrets of its own and may have ulterior motives. With two rivals and no one to trust, Alisa must rely on her dark side to defeat them. But it could cost her life, or her soul… [Wing: How many goddamn times is she going to die?]
Tagline: Tortured Soul. Final Judgment. [Wing: Yeah, right. I’ll believe this is the end when I see it.]
Initial Thoughts
Previously on Sita and Friends Try to Save the World By Killing People, Sita’s using the IIC’s Array, and specifically their extra powerful Cradle, to destroy the Telar before the Telar can release a virus on the world. Sita does this by infecting everyone at the IIC with the virus. Oh, Sita.
And now we are on the final recap of this book. Pike’s writing works much, much better in shorter chunks. Which you get in the recaps, but I’m writing them all in one big chunk over about a week (which is a real damn long time for me to write a recap, I have to say, normally I can get them out in a few hours), and I am tired of this book. And there’s still one more to go.
Don’t get me wrong. I am still glad to have more books in the series, to see what Pike wanted to do with the rest of Sita’s story, but it’s weird and weirder than the series used to be and looooooooooooooooong.
Note from the future: At the end of part three, I was sad I didn’t enjoy the book as a whole even though parts of it were great. I HATE EVERYTHING BY THE END OF THIS ONE.
This might be a good time to hit up the official Wing Drinking Game. Or not, because you might die.
OMG! What happens next??? Read on…
Category: Other Recaps
Recap #237: Graveyard School Final 3 Countdown: #25 – Escape from Vampire Park by Tom B. Stone by Jude Deluca
3
Sep 2019
Graveyard School #25: Escape from Vampire Park Cover by Mark Nagata
Title: Graveyard School #25 – Escape from Vampire Park, a.k.a. “#judedelucalovesjordieflandersSHUTUP”
Author: Tom B. Stone, a.k.a. Nola Thacker, a.k.a. D.E. Athkins
Cover Artist: Mark Nagata
Summary: Take A Ride In The Tunnel Of Blood…
Cover your eyes. Scream your brains out. It’s the scariest ride in the whole amusement park. But brave Nathan isn’t afraid. He knows the ride is one big fake. Except now he’s about to find out how the Tunnel of Blood got its name. He’s about to stop laughing and start screaming. Too late, Nate.
The worst ride of your life has just begun.
Initial Thoughts
We’re down to three and the last summer book before we return to the hallowed halls of Graveyard School. But returning after such a long absence is none other than my favorite, Jordie “The Human Computer” Flanders.
Interestingly, as you could tell from the summary Jordie is not the main character. That role’s taken by newbie Nathan, who had never been mentioned as a member of the sixth grade class until now. Yet Jordie is still the one who does most of the investigating into the creepy things at Vampire Park, and Nathan’s targeted mainly because people think he and Jordie are friends. It works in a way because, since Jordie’s the co-protagonist, we get to see someone else react to her Jordie-isms.
Along the way, we also realize (for those of us who know what happened in “Camp Dracula“) that Jeep Holmes and his family are apparently REALLY bad at their jobs.
So join me as we say goodbye to Jordie.
[Wing: I’m not ready for this series to end. I’m not, I’m not, I’m not. But I am excited to see Jordie again.]
OMG! What happens next??? Read on…
Category: Graveyard School recapsTropes: Cheer on the killer, Dun-Dun-DUNNNNN!, Gimme a blindfold and some stupidity, He's dead! He's dead! HE'S FUCKING DEAD! ... oh wait he survived, ME! It's all about ME!!!, Mental health: with tact and sensitivity, Misogyny is for pussies, Mwahahahaha!, pointless foreshadowing for fun and profit, This place deserves a lawsuit, This recap is sponsored by the WWE, Well that escalated quickly
Recap #236: The Last Vampire #8 | Thirst #4: The Shadow of Death by Christopher Pike (Part Three) by Wing
15
Aug 2019
The Last Vampire #8 | Thirst #4 Shadow of Death by Christopher Pike
Title: The Last Vampire #8 | Thirst #4: The Shadow of Death
Summary: I have returned to life, but it’s to a suddenly lonely world.
Alisa is a five-thousand-year-old vampire, stronger and more cunning than her adversaries. But now she’s trapped in the body of a newborn vampire and at the mercy of a terrible thirst. Worst of all, she’s facing enemies whose fierce desire for domination grows ever stronger. The immortal race the Telar is threatening to release a virus to decimate humanity. But Alisa and her friends can’t take down the Telar on their own, and they must turn to the mysterious organisation the IIC for help. But the IIC has secrets of its own and may have ulterior motives. With two rivals and no one to trust, Alisa must rely on her dark side to defeat them. But it could cost her life, or her soul… [Wing: How many goddamn times is she going to die?]
Tagline: Tortured Soul. Final Judgment. [Wing: Yeah, right. I’ll believe this is the end when I see it.]
Initial Thoughts
Previously on Sita-has-a-new-body-and-the-world-may-end-soon-whoops: Sita was in Teri’s body. Sita’s back in Sita’s body. Teri’s body is dead. The Telar want to use a virus to end the world. The IIC wants to use their Array to at least control the world and possibly end it. Sita’s off to IIC to try to blackmail and bribe them into being used to take out the Telar. Good times, good times.
OMG! What happens next??? Read on…
Category: Other RecapsTropes: Continuity? Fuck that shit, DED FROM STUPID, Gimme a blindfold and some stupidity, Mental health: with tact and sensitivity, My that's awfully convenient, Racism: business as usual
13
Aug 2019
Fright Camp Cover by Tim Jacobus
Title: Goosebumps Series 2000 #8 – “Fright Camp,” a.k.a. “Return of the Go-carts from the Evil Kingdom!”
Author: R.L. Stine
Cover Artist: Tim Jacobus
Cover Tagline: Where the wild things are… out of control!
Ad Tagline: You’re not going to play baseball.
You’re not going to go swimming.
You’re going to get scared!
Summary:
I lowered my head and started to swim slowly, steadily out to the white, floating platform. I was four or five strokes away from it when I felt something wrap around my ankle.
At first, I thought it was a piece of seaweed.
But then I felt it grip me. I thrashed the water with both hands.
“Let go-!”
But the hard, bony hand held on, tugging me, tugging me underwater.
Initial Thoughts
So for this summer I picked one GYG book, a G2000 book, and an original Goosebumps book to review alongside the Graveyard School recaps.
I wouldn’t say “Fright Camp” is one of my favorites but I’m definitely fond of it. It’s one of the oldest of the 2000 books I own, which I acquired from a friend of my brother’s way back when we still lived in the basement apartment of the house.
I enjoy “Fright Camp” for the same reason I enjoy “Shocker on Shock Street” and “One Day at Horrorland,” the world building. There are a number of horror movies mentioned in this book and they’re all fucking ridiculous and I love them all.
OMG! What happens next??? Read on…
Category: Goosebumps RecapsTropes: DED FROM STUPID, Dun-Dun-DUNNNNN!, Fuck My Little Pony! Friendship is not magic!, Gimme a blindfold and some stupidity, He's dead! He's dead! HE'S FUCKING DEAD! ... oh wait he survived, ME! It's all about ME!!!, Mental health: with tact and sensitivity, Mwahahahaha!, My that's awfully convenient, Oh you wacky kids with your hi-jinks and your pranks, physical deformity for chills & thrills, pointless foreshadowing for fun and profit, Roses are red Violets are blue I'm going to fucking kill you, This place deserves a lawsuit, Well that escalated quickly
Recap #233: The Last Vampire #8 | Thirst #4: The Shadow of Death by Christopher Pike (Part Two) by Wing
1
Aug 2019
The Last Vampire #8 | Thirst #4 Shadow of Death by Christopher Pike
Title: The Last Vampire #8 | Thirst #4: The Shadow of Death (Chapters 8-14)
Summary: I have returned to life, but it’s to a suddenly lonely world.
Alisa is a five-thousand-year-old vampire, stronger and more cunning than her adversaries. But now she’s trapped in the body of a newborn vampire and at the mercy of a terrible thirst. Worst of all, she’s facing enemies whose fierce desire for domination grows ever stronger. The immortal race the Telar is threatening to release a virus to decimate humanity. But Alisa and her friends can’t take down the Telar on their own, and they must turn to the mysterious organisation the IIC for help. But the IIC has secrets of its own and may have ulterior motives. With two rivals and no one to trust, Alisa must rely on her dark side to defeat them. But it could cost her life, or her soul… [Wing: How many goddamn times is she going to die?]
Tagline: Tortured Soul. Final Judgment. [Wing: Yeah, right. I’ll believe this is the end when I see it.]
Initial Thoughts
Previously on Sita-has-a-new-body-and-the-world-may-end-soon, well, that pretty much says it all. Basically, half the team is off trying to come up with an actual working cure for that Telar virus that the Telar might use to end the world and half of them are off trying to learn more about the IIC and their Array which the IIC might use to end the world. Sita hopes to make the IIC an ally instead. Matt thinks that’s a terrible idea. I bet you can see who is leading which sub-team.
And away we go, picking up right where we left off, looking for Frederick, Freddy, who can tell them more about the Array and the newly mentioned Cradle.
OMG! What happens next??? Read on…
Category: Other RecapsTropes: DED FROM STUPID, I hate the hot chick! (And she hates me.), My that's awfully convenient
25
Jul 2019
Sweet Valley Twins Super Chillers 3 The Carnival Ghost by Francine Pascal
Title: The Carnival Ghost
Tagline: Elizabeth meets a mysterious new friend!
Summary: Is Claire a girl… or a ghost?
A travelling carnival is on its way to Sweet Valley and Jessica and Elizabeth can’t wait to ride on the roller coaster, have their fortunes told, and try their luck at the games. But when they get there some odd things happen to the twins. A fortune-teller warns Jessica to stay away from the carnival. And a mysterious girl named Claire seems to appear out of nowhere and suddenly becomes best friends with Elizabeth.
Elizabeth is strangely drawn to Claire. She begins to ignore her friends, her chores, and even her sister to spend time with her new friend. It’s as if she’s under an evil spell… a spell no one, not even Jessica, can break. And if her twin is in danger, how can Jessica help her?
Initial Thoughts
I have been looking forward to this book for so, so long. Dove may have sold me on giving Sweet Valley as a whole a try because she promised me werewolves in books to come (much, much later), but she sold me on Sweet Valley Twins specifically because there are supernatural books. We’ve had a couple, and they’ve been fun, but this one is right in my sweet spot: potential ghost, travelling carnival, roller coasters, fortune tellers, mysterious new girls. I cannot wait.
And, finally, I don’t have to wait. I predict this will be a wild ride. Good or bad? We’ll see.
[Dove: First off, apologies for the tardiness of mine and Raven’s comments. Second of all: BEST SWEET VALLEY BOOK EVER. EVER. EVER.]
OMG! What happens next??? Read on…
Category: Sweet Valley recaps
23
Jul 2019
Campfire Stories Cover
Title: Campfire Stories #1 – “An Evening With Ranger Bill,” a.k.a. “Ranger Bill Says ‘No Means No Or He’s Gonna FUCKING KILL YOU'”
Writer: Don Oriolo
Artist: Vincent Scarpelli
Initial Thoughts
Get ready guys, because this introduction is gonna be a doozy. This comic has got to have the weirdest history of any individual comic I can think of.
It was supposedly published in 1992 by a company called “Global Comics,” yet seems to be the only title the company released besides an adaption of “Thirteen Something” which included early artwork by famed “Archie” artist Dan Parent. The next time I see Dan I need to ask him about all this.
Yet the reason I ever heard of this comic was a low budget, direct to video horror movie from the early 2000s called “Campfire Stories.” Made about a decade after the comic was released, the plot involved two teenage boys, a female hitchhiker, and the creepy Forest Ranger Bill. Ranger Bill tells them three stories:
- An escaped mental patient who found work as a school janitor, and then kills the group of boys who humiliate him
- Three bikers who rob an elderly Native American man and are turned into old people because of his stash of weed
- Two roommates who decide to pull a prank on their boyfriends that ends with one of the roommates possessed by her grandmother’s spirit
The movie ends with the three escaping from Ranger Bill and making their way to a nightclub, only to realize the people in said nightclub are the characters from the stories. The boys are murdered while the hitchhiker escapes and flags down another car asking for a ride the exact same way she approached the boys…
The third story’s the only one I ever held an interest in, but once I was able to watch the entire movie I saw the opening credits mention a “Campfire Stories” comic book. However, said comic that I’ll be reviewing has little to do with the movie. The setting’s totally different, it doesn’t feature the same stories, and instead of being a forest ranger, Ranger Bill is a camp counselor. Yet the end credits of the movie feature pages from the ACTUAL comic.
As a side note, there was a different movie called “Campfire Stories” that came out in 1991, a year before the comic was published. They don’t seem to be connected although except they both tell a standard urban legend (the same one in fact).
Compounding all this weirdness, the comic AND the movie were co-created by Don Oriolo. Don’s a writer and musician and apparently worked with both Bon Jovi AND discovered Meat Loaf. He’s also the son of Joe Oriolo, the creator of the “Felix the Cat” TV show and co-creator of “Casper the Friendly Ghost.” Don’s well known for producing the “Felix the Cat” movie of the 1980s, one of the most infamously bizarre animated films in existence. Of course it’s also got a great soundtrack.
Weird, right??? So much packed into one comic.
Because I’ll be reviewing “Scream Around the Campfire” this month I chose to do a recap on this title to go with the camp theme.
OMG! What happens next??? Read on…
Category: Other RecapsTropes: Cheer on the killer, DED FROM STUPID, Dun-Dun-DUNNNNN!, Fuck My Little Pony! Friendship is not magic!, Gimme a blindfold and some stupidity, ME! It's all about ME!!!, Mental health: with tact and sensitivity, Mwahahahaha!, physical deformity for chills & thrills, pointless foreshadowing for fun and profit, Well that escalated quickly
Recap #230: The Last Vampire #8 | Thirst #4: The Shadow of Death by Christopher Pike (Part One) by Wing
18
Jul 2019
The Last Vampire #8 | Thirst #4 Shadow of Death by Christopher Pike
Title: The Last Vampire #8 | Thirst #4: The Shadow of Death (Chapters 1 -7)
Summary: I have returned to life, but it’s to a suddenly lonely world.
Alisa is a five-thousand-year-old vampire, stronger and more cunning than her adversaries. But now she’s trapped in the body of a newborn vampire and at the mercy of a terrible thirst. Worst of all, she’s facing enemies whose fierce desire for domination grows ever stronger. The immortal race the Telar is threatening to release a virus to decimate humanity. But Alisa and her friends can’t take down the Telar on their own, and they must turn to the mysterious organisation the IIC for help. But the IIC has secrets of its own and may have ulterior motives. With two rivals and no one to trust, Alisa must rely on her dark side to defeat them. But it could cost her life, or her soul… [Wing: How many goddamn times is she going to die?]
Tagline: Tortured Soul. Final Judgment. [Wing: Yeah, right. I’ll believe this is the end when I see it.]
Initial Thoughts
Yet another one I’ve never read before and after the end of the last one, The Eternal Dawn, I’m not exactly looking forward to this one because W T F PIKE?! In case you have blocked this from your mind, I’ll sum up: Alisa. is in. someone else’s. body. Teri’s body. Teri her granddaughter-with-too-many-greats-to-count’s body. YUP.
OMG! What happens next??? Read on…
Category: Other Recaps
Recap #229: Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #2: The Ghost in the Graveyard by Francine Pascal by Raven
16
Jul 2019
Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #2: The Ghost in the Graveyard by Jamie Suzanne
Title: Super Chillers 2: The Ghost in the Graveyard by Francine Pascal
Tagline: Is Sweet Valley Haunted?
Summary: Strange things have been happening to Sam Sloane ever since he moved from San Francisco to Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield’s neighborhood in Sweet Valley. He can’t work out why everything in town looks so familiar—or why he’s mysteriously drawn to a crumbling old mansion in town. When he visits a cemetery in the dead of night and sees a ghost who looks just like him, he turns to Elizabeth and Jessica for help.
At first the twins think Sam is imagining things. After all, who believes in ghosts? But the more the girls get to know their new friend, the more they feel he’s telling the truth. Something is out there. The twins are going to have to do a little ghost hunting of their own. But what happens if they do discover the ghost? Or worse, what happens if it discovers them?
Initial Thoughts:
Although my chosen moniker is suitably gothic, I do not have a horror pedigree.
Sure, I like horror films. They are fun, and scary. And horror books? I love me a bit of Stephen King. I’ve screamed at Freddie and Jason, cowered from Samara, laughed at Chucky and was Finally Destined to face down Fate itself.
I enjoy it… but I don’t live and breathe it.
Both Wing and Dove have a much more visceral pull into the fright genre. They devour it whole, consuming all they can in a search for more thrills and for the love of the form. It’s a long love, from childhood, and it informs their nostalgia for this very site. Go check out all the fine work on point horror dot com for proof. [Wing: Well, he’s not wrong. Even our names come from a Point Horror book.]
But me? I’m a fairweather frightmeister. If pushed, I prefer a belly laugh or a pewpewpew space epic.
The point of this confession? A mere FYI.
This Super Chiller isn’t really in my wheelhouse. So take all you read with a hefty pinch of salt.
Onward!
OMG! What happens next??? Read on…
Category: Sweet Valley recaps
11
Jul 2019
Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #1: The Christmas Ghost by Jamie Suzanne
Title: The Christmas Ghost by Francine Pascal
Tagline: This year Jessica is in for a very scary Christmas
Summary: Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield are looking forward to the most glorious Christmas ever. The tree is decorated, the presents are wrapped, and movie star Beau Dillon is coming to town! The actor, who’ll be in Sweet Valley to publicize his new movie, has agreed to help Elizabeth raise money for the children’s wing of the local hospital. But when the teen star arrives at the Wakefields’ house, it’s Jessica, not Elizabeth, he meets.
What’s the harm in pretending to be your twin? No harm, Jessica thinks – until strange things start happening and three ghostly visitors appear. Is Jessica’s imagination working overtime or have the spirits of Christmas past, present, and future come to teach Jessica the lesson of a lifetime?
Initial Thoughts:
[Wing: A couple years ago, Dove and I, along with our secret evil triplet, Raven, started recapping Sweet Valley Twins over at sweetvalley.online. We’ve recapped a handful of the Super Chillers, and Dove suggested that we cross-post them here, considering the subject matter. I’ll be doing that over the next few weeks.]
Ok, first of all, I think if you’ve listened to the podcast you may know this, but I don’t assume that everyone does: I LOVE THE SUPER CHILLERS. Actual ghosts are here.
Before I was confident enough to ask Wing to take on this gigantic recapping project, I used the “mentionitus” method of testing the waters. While we sat on PointHorror.com, griping about how rarely the bad guy (known on that site as the “Muffin Man”) was supernatural, I would say lightly-casually-oh-I’m-not-hinting, “It’s funny, Sweet Valley Twins has a much younger audience, but they always had real ghosts in their ghost stories.” Wing would raise a scathing eyebrow and say that she’d never read Sweet Valley. Ever. And she was sort of proud of that.
Then curiosity would overcome her. “Really? Because in Babysitters’ Club, it was always the Scooby Doo villain – a human pretending to be a ghost. So you have actual ghosts?”
“Actual ghosts,” I would say. “And it’s odd, they seem to act up the most over Christmas.”
And that is the groundwork of how you get someone who clearly is going to hate something, to do it anyway. [Raven: I have such an inappropriate comment here.] Mention that one thing they like. (Also, there will be werewolves in Sweet Valley High.) [Wing: I feel like I should be more upset that my BFF so blatantly exploits my weaknesses, and yet.] [Dove: I do realise that the above is basically “how to brainwash your friends”. But I had an agenda. And here we are.]
Second of all, I adore A Christmas Carol. I know most people do, but I feel like I might go the extra mile. I feel like I’ve seen every fandom-variation of this story – heck, I’ve even written one. I adore this story.
I’ll admit The Carnival Ghost is a better story on its own merits, because it’s not fanfic of an iconic tale, but this one holds a special place in my heart.
The Cover: Why is the ghost awkwardly pointing to the left? Jessica looks great, but the ghost looks like it wasn’t happy to be modelling for the cover.
[Wing: Tis truly the season for Christmas Carol retellings. We did a few over at the Devil’s Elbow (Fright Christmas and The Fright Before Christmas), and yet somehow this has the best versions of the ghosts. I mean, come on: an angry flying unicorn? Clearly this was going to win.]
[Dove: … seriously? I win?]
OMG! What happens next??? Read on…
Category: Sweet Valley recaps
Recap #227: Graveyard School Final Five Countdown: #19 – The Gator Ate Her by Tom B. Stone by Jude Deluca
9
Jul 2019
Graveyard School #19: The Gator Ate Her Cover by Mark Nagata
Title: Graveyard School #19 – The Gator Ate Her, a.k.a. “When The Alligators Cry”
Author: Tom B. Stone, a.k.a. Nola Thacker, a.k.a. D.E. Athkins
Cover Artist: Mark Nagata
Summary: What’s Big And Green And Mean All Over?
Algernon is about the find out. He’s spending summer vacation with his relatives, the “Swamp People.” They live near a swamp, and Algie hates swamps. He htes the smell. He hates the insects that hover aroud. But mostly he hates the dark, murky water. Below the muddy surface, Algie knows something is lurking. Something wicked… watching… waiting. He’s right!
Initial Thoughts
It had to end someday guys, and we’re down to the last five books in the series. If all goes as I hope it will, the last book, “The Spider Beside Her” will be done in time for the next Halloween Extravaganza.
Algie Green returns after having a co-starring role in “The Dead Sox,” but is back to being a main character. Continuity problems persist as Algie plans to spend the summer visiting his cousins in the South, despite having just spent the entire summer playing baseball and under the ghostly possession of Coach Geist.
This was one of the last books I needed to complete my collection after acquiring most of them in 2004. Thankfully, Thacker doesn’t pander to the lowest common denominator by shilling out a bunch of hillbilly jokes with Algie’s cousins like A.G. Cascone did with “Grandpa’s Monster Movies,” and she’s back to drop some hard environmental truths via Algie’s Great Aunt Marie.
[Wing: I’M NOT READY FOR IT TO END. I love the Graveyard School; I’m surprised by how much, actually, considering I’m only vaguely fond of Goosebumps. It’s the characters here, really. They’re G R E A T.]
OMG! What happens next??? Read on…
Category: Graveyard School recapsTropes: Continuity? Fuck that shit, DED FROM STUPID, Dun-Dun-DUNNNNN!, Gimme a blindfold and some stupidity, My that's awfully convenient, pointless foreshadowing for fun and profit, Well that escalated quickly
27
Jun 2019
It’s like if Tim Burton hosted an international buffet
Title: Short & Shivery a.k.a. “The Wide World of Horror”
Author/Editor/Reteller: Robert D. San Souci
Illustrator: Katherine Coville
Summary: Everyone loves a spooky story. Don’t you?
Welcome to a chilling world of hair-raising tales! The thirty stories in this book were gathered from around the world, selected for their ghastly details and terrifying twists. Come inside and meet the young miller’s daughter in “The Robber Bridegroom,” who may have discovered too late that she has been betrothed to a madman; the dancing skeleton who returns from the dead to haunt the friend who betrayed him in life; the Golem, who tires of serving his greedy master and suddenly turns evil; and intriguing characters in stories from the Brothers Grimm, Washington Irving, and other world-famous authors. But before you settle down in your cozy reading chair, check behind you… and keep all the lights on!
Initial Thoughts
We’ve finally reached the end of the first “Short And Shivery” collection after six long months. In August I’ll start a recap for the second book.
Luckily this book’s got three different water-related tales to fit in with my June theme, and luckily for YOU Wing we’ve finally reached the werewolf story. UNluckily for you this is also the portion with the giant spider story. Sorry. [Wing: Werewolf outweighs giant spider, mostly. Though: WHY IS IT ALWAYS GIANT SPIDERS? I just had to talk someone out of doing it as a decoration at work this fall, too.]
[Wing: Editing to add a link to this great comment from Sarah about the golem story in this recap, the use of mythology versus theology versus folk tale (her suggestion and the best one) and the history of the golem as a response to anti-semitism. I really appreciate her taking the time to share her perspective and want to highlight it.]
OMG! What happens next??? Read on…
Category: Other RecapsTropes: Cheer on the killer, DED FROM STUPID, Dun-Dun-DUNNNNN!, Gimme a blindfold and some stupidity, He's the killer! He's the killer! He's … my LOVAH!, I beat you because I love you, ME! It's all about ME!!!, My that's awfully convenient, pointless foreshadowing for fun and profit, Racism: business as usual, Roses are red Violets are blue I'm going to fucking kill you, This place deserves a lawsuit, Well that escalated quickly
Recap #225: Give Yourself Goosebumps Special Edition #8: Weekend at Poison Lake by R.L. Stine by Jude Deluca
13
Jun 2019
Weekend at Poison Lake Cover by Craig White
Title: Give Yourself Goosebumps Special Edition #8 – Weekend at Poison Lake, a.k.a. “Aliens and Jewel Thieves and Moss-Men OH MY!”
Author: R.L. Stine
Cover Artist: Craig White
Summary: Come On In – The Water’s Slime!
It’s the weekend and your family’s vacationing at an awesome lake. The water’s cool, clear and downright deadly!
Rumor has it this lake is filled with poison! Or are those aliens? And what’s that nasty smell? Better pick a lucky number to help you out, or this nature trip could really go wild! If you pick the right number you’ll be chillin’ on the beach without a care. But if your number’s unlucky, you’ll come face-to-face with evil jewel hunters, ice-cream-craving aliens, and all sorts of freaky wildlife!
The choice is yours in this scary GOOSEBUMPS adventure that’s packed with over 20 super-spooky endings!
Initial Thoughts
Since “Chicken Chicken” hasn’t been finished yet that means two Goosebumps recaps as well as two Graveyard School recaps this month. This is going with June’s water theme.
“Poison Lake” was the last of the GYG Special Edition books and from what I’ve read it’s one of the most loathed. I can sort of understand why yet I do love this one.
THE BAD: The whole “Lucky Number” shtick this book employs is extremely frustrating in figuring out a proper path to take. See, the numbers aren’t really “Lucky” because you’re just as likely to die from using the number to determine a choice than if you’d voted not to use it at all. And yet when you get the bad endings from not using the number, the book mocks you for it. Hell, it’ll mock you even if it doesn’t immediately lead to death by asking why you don’t want to utilize it.
THE GOOD: The four stories Stine’s crafted are incredibly endearing, and are totally independent of one another. Once you pick a path, you’re stuck on it. Which actually made recapping this much easier. My favorites are “The Missing Jewels” story and “The Moss-Man” story, the former because of the presence of competent adults and the latter because Stine’s able to create real tension and a dreamy atmosphere similar to “The Ghost Next Door.”
Also I love the monster on the cover despite its lack of appearance in the actual stories.
Poison Lake Monster by Jesus Marquez
THE OTHER BAD: We get a return performance of, UGH, Jude as the main character. God he sucks.
OMG! What happens next??? Read on…
Category: Goosebumps RecapsTropes: Dun-Dun-DUNNNNN!, Gimme a blindfold and some stupidity, He's dead! He's dead! HE'S FUCKING DEAD! ... oh wait he survived, McGuffin ahoy!, Mwahahahaha!, My that's awfully convenient, Parents? What parents?, physical deformity for chills & thrills, pointless foreshadowing for fun and profit, This place deserves a lawsuit, Well that escalated quickly
11
Jun 2019
Graveyard School #18 – The Dead Sox Cover by Mark Nagata
Title: Graveyard School #18 – The Dead Sox, a.k.a. “The Devil Went Down To Graveyard School”
Author: Tom B. Stone, a.k.a. Nola Thacker a.k.a. D.E. Athkins
Cover Artist: Mark Nagata
Summary: Three Strikes? You’re Dead!
Park Addams thinks it’s going to be a great summer. He’s just made the all-star team, and it seems like they can’t be beat – until they meet the Belville All-Stars. Shutout? Try wipeout! No-hitter? No one even sees the ball! How do they do it? The Grove Hill All-Stars are suddenly scared to death. Welcome to the field of screams.
Initial Thoughts
Welcome to the last sports-related entry in the Graveyard School series, and just in the middle of baseball season. [Wing: Ugh, baseball season. That long stretch of time between the Stanley Cup finals (#weallbleedblue) and college football.]
Despite what the summary probably has you thinking and despite Algie Green’s role, this is not a direct sequel to “Scream, Team!” even though it features another evil sports team from Belville. No return appearances by Coach Sandman here, folks. This time we’re going less “Cackling scientist” and we’re looking at something a bit more… Faustian.
This book does present something of a continuity problem since it’s a summertime story, but overall its only real downside is the inclusion of Park’s older sister who is a complete bitch. [Wing: #misognyisforpussies] Thankfully she has no real role to play beyond a few insults so she doesn’t drag the story down too much.
OMG! What happens next??? Read on…
Category: Graveyard School recapsTropes: Continuity? Fuck that shit, Dun-Dun-DUNNNNN!, Fuck My Little Pony! Friendship is not magic!, Head injury? Walk it off, ME! It's all about ME!!!, Mwahahahaha!, pointless foreshadowing for fun and profit, Roses are red Violets are blue I'm going to fucking kill you, Well that escalated quickly
6
Jun 2019
Batman The Drowned #1 Cover by Jason Fabok
Title: Batman The Drowned #1 – “Rime of the Ancient Mariner,” a.k.a. “Holy Zombie Steampunk Pirate Lady Aquaman-Batman, Batman!”
Writer: Dan Abnett
Pencillers and Inkers: Phillip Tan and Tyler Kirkham
Colorists: Dean White & Arif Prianto
Letterer: Tom Napolitano
Cover Artists: Jason Fabok and Brad Anderson
Associate Editor: Jessica Chen
Editor: Phil Kaminski
Group Editor: Eddie Berganza (FUCK YOU!)
Summary: As the events of DARK NIGHTS: METAL rock the DC Universe, the creatures of the Dark Multiverse stand ready to invade our world! How can even the World’s Greatest Heroes stop a horde of deadly beings that appear to be powerful, nightmare versions of familiar figures?
Initial Thoughts
To coincide with the three Graveyard School books for June, July, and August, I wanted to do recaps featuring similar themes. Since June’s will be “The Gator Ate Her,” that meant I wanted to do recaps on water-based horror tales.
Batman The Drowned – Bryce Wayne, the Batwoman of Earth -11 (As in NEGATIVE 11)
So what, exactly, are all of you looking at and why is there a lady pirate version of Batman is what most of you are probably wondering. Well…
OMG! What happens next??? Read on…
Category: Other RecapsTropes: DED FROM STUPID, Dun-Dun-DUNNNNN!, Fuck My Little Pony! Friendship is not magic!, Hypocrites are hypocritical, ME! It's all about ME!!!, Mwahahahaha!, My that's awfully convenient, Racism: business as usual, Well that escalated quickly, World of fail
23
May 2019
Tales for the Midnight Hour Original Cover
Tales for the Midnight Hour 1986 Cover
Title: Tales for the Midnight Hour
Author: Judith Bauer “J.B.” Stamper
Initial Thoughts
As part of my attempt to start off Year Three on the right foot, I’ll be reviewing one of my favorites of the Point Horror collection. Though this book was originally published back in 1977, which I believe predates the inception of the original Point Horror line. Nevertheless its three follow-up books were published under Point, as were the two reprint collections (which are the copies I own).
Much like “Short & Shivery” these tales were a big inspiration on some of my earliest attempts at fan fiction. I adapted “The Furry Collar” and “The Velvet Ribbon” as two DC Comics fan fics which you can still read online on fanfiction.net and DeviantArt.
The one story I’ve ever read by J.B. Stamper before I got this collection was her short tale in the first “Thirteen” collection. My only real problem with J.B.’s writing is she tends to abuse ellipses too much at the ending of some of the stories, not helped by her blatantly stating the obvious and making it hard to take the final shock seriously. [Wing: Oooh, she’s the predecessor of Dove’s nemesis, R.T. Cusick!]
OMG! What happens next??? Read on…
Category: Point Horror RecapsTropes: Cheer on the killer, cultural appropriation ahoy, DED FROM STUPID, Mental health: with tact and sensitivity
Recap #234: Graveyard School Final Four Countdown: #24 – Scream Around The Campfire by Tom B. Stone by Jude Deluca
Scream Around the Campfire Cover by Mark Nagata
Title: Graveyard School #24 – Scream Around The Campfire, a.k.a. “I Heard The Bigfoot Call My Name”
Author: Tom B. Stone, a.k.a. Nola Thacker, a.k.a. D.E. Athkins
Cover Artist: Mark Nagata
Summary: Who Is The Happy Camper From The Dark Side?
Alex wishes he had stayed home this summer. He hates camp. He hates the goofy songs. He hates the gross food. But most of all, he hates the creepy campfire stories. Is he the only one who notices that they’ve been coming true? And will he be able to stop whoever it is before he becomes just another marshmallow on the campfire of life?
Initial Thoughts
Four, repeat, we are down to FOUR books left before the series is over and we are once again leaving the confines of Grove Hill. This is the second of the two summer camp books and Thacker manages to avoid doing a total retread of “Camp Dracula.”
When I first heard of this particular entry back in 2004, my interest got peaked at the discovery the main character was none other than Alex Lee. Alex being the protagonist of the first “Graveyard School” book I read, I was eager to see what he would do in his next protagonist role. However, upon reading said book for the first time…
Guys I gotta level with you, this book is rather strange. Mainly, it’s the reveal behind what is causing the different campfire stories to come to life. But Thacker also includes a couple of unique ghost stories shared by the campers, although we see a retread of the infamous “Hook” urban legend.
At the very least, one thing to enjoy is the return of Alex’s pragmatic moral backbone and how he doesn’t strive to be some perfect angel yet is openly disgusted when other people are being hurt.
Also, the supporting character is named Garth which I fucking love because one of my favorite comic characters of all time is named Garth.
[Wing: No idea how the book is going to come across, but I love that book blurb up there. It sounds GREAT and makes me want to go to summer camp again.]
OMG! What happens next??? Read on… »
Tags: adults are helpful, adults are idiots, adults are useless, author: tom b stone, awesome lead characters, camping is murder, comments by wing, cool location, graveyard school, needs more werewolves, obvious red herring is obvious, recaps by jude, supernatural oooooh!, weaksauce bad guy motivation
Tropes: Continuity? Fuck that shit, cultural appropriation ahoy, DED FROM STUPID, Dun-Dun-DUNNNNN!, Gimme a blindfold and some stupidity, He's dead! He's dead! HE'S FUCKING DEAD! ... oh wait he survived, Mental health: with tact and sensitivity, Mwahahahaha!, My that's awfully convenient, Oh you wacky kids with your hi-jinks and your pranks, physical deformity for chills & thrills, Red Herrings, This place deserves a lawsuit, This recap is sponsored by the WWE, Well that escalated quickly